The Tale of Charlie-Simon

Once upon a time Charlie-Simon was walking along the waters edge when a great big pink monster came out from underneath of a yellow rock pool. The monster had pink fur and yellow eyes. Charlie-Simon liked the eyes because they reminded him of the yellow spots on his own furry pink purple body. This made him smile because he did love to see himself all around.

The monster was crying in pain and acting in that of the way of a deranged drum. It was making Charlie-Simon very annoyed and he asked. “Monster what seems to be vexing you this lovely Sunday morn?” For it was a very lovely Sunday indeed.

The monster looked at him with sad eyes, pulled out an oyster in the shape of a flute and told her harrowing tale in the form of music, music so beautiful that it actually spoke in a voice that matched that of a baby bunny.

It told him that she was once beautiful but fell into the dark lake of Prinal and couldn’t get out. (As everyone knew Prinal was an evil Shaman who had been rejected from the Shaman council. He had become vengeful and wanted to destroy all who were happy.)

She told him that she was allowed to visit the surface every month beginning with J except on a leap year. Charlie-Simon was very happy that it was not a leap year because through her story and music and her beautiful yellow orbs he had fallen madly in love with the creature and was desperate to ask her name, so he did. “What is you name, fair maiden?”

“Pinkleton. My name is Pinkleton.”

“I will save you from your watery abode my sweet.”

With that Charlie-Simon left his one sweet love to get the help of a Shaman who’s unorthodox ways would be able to free the creature who’s magic ways had enchanted him so. He went to a well known club called Boo Banana to meet a Shaman called Yaboo.

When he walked in he was greeted by an older woman who looked like a librarian or a science teacher. The other girl looked like something from the cover of Cheekbone or NME. The older woman looked at him with little interest and said in a brisk tone like a broom. “We’re closed.”

As Charlie-Simon was about to put up a fight the girl came around the counter and seemed to bleed candyfloss, hearts and bunnies. “Before you go, what do you think of this cape.”

Charlie-Simon gave it some considerable thought.
“I think it makes you look like a peacock that just lost a fight with a rainbow.”

“Awesome.” She said and started to twirl about in front of a full length mirror, admiring her reflection all around. She was someone Charlie-Simon could see himself getting on with quite well.

Then coming down the stairs was a Shaman and his bunny familiar called Chancy,

“What’s going on?” He asked in a strong cockney accent.

“Sorry, Yaboo.”

“Hey Yaboo, like my new cape?” asked the girl still twirling.

Yaboo looked at the cape.

“I think it makes you look like a peacock that just lost a fight with a rainbow.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Who are you?” asked Yaboo.

“My name is Charlie-Simon and I sought to find you and tell you my terrible problem.”

Charlie-Simon proceeded to tell them the story of Pinkleton and Prinal. At the end they were all crying with the strength of 1000 elephants.

Wiping his eyes Yaboo looked up.

“Okay there’s only one thing we can do…”

The day of the plan had come upon them and Charlie-Simon was nervous. If they failed then he would not be able to set his eyes against the heavenly being at the bottom of the yellow rock pool for another year.

As he, Yaboo, his familiar Chancy and the woman Julia and the girl killit made their way to a Meatloaf concert. As they went the sun was hot in the sky and with their disguises so not to be recognised by Prinal.

You see Prinal is a massive fan of Meatloaf and loves everything about him, so enlisting Meatloaf’s help they came up with their plan.

Halfway through the concert Meatloaf stopped singing after a very memorable Life is a Lemon (and I want my money back) stared directly at Prinal and started to chant.

“Camala, hoootaka, simlow, shindo, horrana, hector!”

All at once the whole audience was hypnotized except our hero’s. They went on stage with Meatloaf and asked him get Prinal on stage. He did with boo’s from the other hypnotized people, Charlie-Simon guessed that Meatloaf loved the attention and who wouldn’t looking like Meatloaf did.

Prinal fell at Meatloaf’s feet and started to kiss them.

“Alright.” Said Yaboo. “This is enough; just get him to do what we want him to do.”

“Who are you anyway?” asked Meatloaf annoyed that Yaboo was ruining all his fun.

“I’m Yaboo that’s who. And if you don’t help us I will send you to the other side of the universe of a spitting turtle.”

This made Meatloaf scared and hurriedly made Prinal release all that he help captured.

Then bursting through the doors came Pinkleton. But she was different her pink fur was now sleek and smooth like her yellow eyes were warm and full of emotion only for Charlie-Simon. She went over and smothered him in kisses.

Yaboo found all this very annoying and sent Prinal—who was crying like a hoover on jelly totts---to the sun were he met a giant squid and they lived in strange harmony.

Julia and Killet got very bored at this point and had gone of to the alternative world of Boosh were Julia and a man called Howard were talking about Pro-Jazz and Killet and Vince were talking about were to buy the best jeans in Camden.

Meatloaf kept everyone hypnotised because he liked the devotion and personal servants he had.

As all this was going on Pinkleton and Charlie-Simon walked off into the sun-set holding hands.

And they all lived happily ever after.