Things have changed

“Can we talk?
He asked out of breath one he caught up with me and Joe. I looked over at Joe, who’s eyes had gone wide at the sight of his younger brother. He shrugged his shoulders after he noticed I was looking at him. I turned back to Nick who’s eyes never left mine. “Uh, sure?” It was more of a question, I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, good or bad. But it can’t be worse then our relationship already. It’s hard to deal with losing a best friend. They’ll always mean something to you. You’ll be doing something, and you hear or see something that triggers a memory you share with that person. Even if you don’t like that person, they will be in your heart no matter what.

He turned and stated walking toward the park. It was only a block or so away. I took one last glance at Joe only to see him and Big Rob walking the other way.

We reached the park and he went straight for the swings and took a seat. I couldn’t help but think of the last time we were here, the same tension in the air. That was the day my world started to crumble and slowly fall apart, piece by piece. I though about taking a seat next to him, but that would just hurt me even more, so I resorted to leaning against the pole. He looked at me then lowed his head. “Aren’t you going to sit?” He asked in a monotone. No emotion is his voice, just like his eyes the previous day. “I’d rather stand.” I said quietly.

He sighed and pulled a stray curl out of his eyes. “Listen,” He started. I rolled my eyes at his order, like I really had a choice there, but he didn’t see, he was looking straight head. I interupted him before he could say anything else.

"Why are you talking to me now? You wanted nothing to do with me remember?" He looked at me then looked away.

"Vaguely."

"Well I remember exactly what you said…Don’t call, don’t come over to say goodbye, just stay away. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore." I didn't mean for it to come out as harshly as it did, but I couldn't help it.

"I’m sorry, I meant nothing I said back then." He said looking at me. I rolled my eyes and without breaking eye contact, Nick stood up from his place on the swings and walked over to me. "I just said those things so I wouldn’t hurt you. Because I wouldn’t be able to see you and talk to you as much. I didn’t want you to think that just because I was famous, I didn’t want to talk to you anymore. I just thought It would be easier for you to forget about me and move on rather than wonder when the next time it would be when I called. I’m sorry, I truly am sorry."

"You didn’t have to be so mean about it. You broke my heart ." I said softly, redirecting my eyes to stare at my feet.

"I can’t say this enough. I’m sorry. It killed me to say those things and to walk away from you when you were crying. I hated myself for that. I didn’t talk to anyone until we got to LA I was so upset with myself for acting like I did. You were my best friend and I hurt you."

"You tore me apart Nick. I would’ve understood your schedule." I said finally looking at him again.

"If I could go back, I would. I miss you." He gave a faint smile, and just as quickly as it appeared, it dissapeared.

"Well, I guess we could maybe get back to where we were to begin with, cause I miss you too." He actually smiled this time, and it stayed on his face until I spoke again.

"It’s not going to be easy though. I’ve changed so much over four years and I can’t just trust anybody. Not even you, even though you were the only one I ever trusted."

"I can be that one person you trust with everything again if you let me."

"I trust no one one hundred percent."

"Not even your friends?" He gave me a skeptical look and I didn't like it very much.

"No." I said firmly.

"Why?"

"I just can’t tell them things. I don’t think they would treat me the same if they knew everything."
"I would."

"No, you wouldn’t." I said with more force than before. It's true, he wouldn't if he knew the things that went on when he was gone nor the things that go on now. I don't want anyone to find out because I can handle myself. I don't need help.

"How do you know? I care about you. Everyday after I left, I thought about you. No one else but you. You were the one I worried about most, missed the most, you were my best friend. I cried myself to sleep thinking of how bad I must of hurt you. I haven’t been the same ever since. Kevin and Joe didn’t even want to be around me sometimes because I would always find something about you to talk about then I would get all sad. I missed you so bad. You have no idea. When I heard we were going to get to take a break and come home I was so happy, I figured since I came back we would get to be friends again. Then I thought, you would never want to be my friend again. I didn’t want to go into Pinkberry after I knew you were there. It tore me apart to see you and not give you a hug or say anything for that matter. You looked so happy dancing around and laughing then when you saw me, you weren’t. I will understand, I won’t treat you any different. Except I’ll be a friend this time. I promise. You can tell me anything." I honestly didn't think I would ever hear anything like that come out of his mouth. Even though I believe him, I can't say anything about it. It would hurt him, and everyone around me. It's better this way.

"That's sweet Nick, but I can't. not yet anyway. I'm sorry. I have to go." I took one last look at him before I walked away.