Fortress of Tears
"Just hold your breath on your way down."
Outside, the wind howled; inside, he howled with grief, huge tears rolling down his pale face. His dark eyes were raised to the heavens he could not see, and his large hands tugged at his tangled hair. Rain hit the window, drumming a sound into his head he couldn’t shake away; the weather fitted his mood perfectly.
“Oh...Where have you gone...” he sobbed, kneeling on the floor in front of the large fire place. The flames were long gone, now the wood still glowing red but the fire and its warmth fading.
The room in which the man knelt was round in shape, with brick walls and brick floor with a large red rug across it; there was a large bed and a sofa, and a huge mirror hung above the fireplace. Their was a pale square on the wall above the bed where a portrait used to hang.
“Where ... where have you gone?” he pleaded to the empty room. “Please! Speak to me!”
Suddenly, he heard a soft noise behind him and his head turned; there was no one there. He stood slowly, and turned in a full circle. He was very much on his own but...he couldn’t shake off the feeling that someone was watching him. With an open mouth, he turned to the mirror and –
She was staring back at him.
No one can hurt you now
In this haven safe and sound
No one can save you now
From this grace that you’re drowning in
Just hold your breath on your way down
The woman in the mirror replaced his own reflection. She was a little shorter than himself, with a lot of wavy, shiny black hair that hung in soft waves to her waist; her piercing blue eyes stared at him with warmth. A soft smile played on her full lips; she was incredibly beautiful, very stunning. Of what he could see over her, she wore a silver dress, intricately sewn all over with black thread.
“Oh...my dear...” he breathed, holding out a hand to touch her face. His fingertips hit the cold glass of the mirror, and another tear rolled down his cheek.
“Please. Do not cry,” the woman murmured. “I’m not too far away.”
“I can’t live without you,” he whispered hoarsely. “I can’t.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my tears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I’ve built it strong for you
He stared at this woman, the only woman he had ever loved; she was suddenly in the room, a cold wave forcing him way from the mirror after she pressed up against him, her lips so close to his.
“You fear me,” she said softly.
“I – I do not know what to say to you...You’re dead...You have been for days...”
“I’m only dead as long as you wish me to be.” Her soft voice was like a lullaby to his ears, making him feel drowsy and lightheaded.
“I don’t wish you to be!”
“Then...I’m not dead.”
No one can free you now
From the chains around your heart
Don’t be afraid now
Just drive in this emptiness
And hold your breath on your way down
She held out one of her small hands to cup his face. “I did not mean to do what I did.”
“Of course you did.” His voice sounded harsher than he had intended. “They all watched you walk into the water.”
“I had to do it, and you know it...” She looked sad for a moment, but the sadness quickly passed. “Please, forgive me for that.”
“How could I not forgive you?” He went to rest his hand over hers that still cupped his face, but there was nothing there. He looked down and saw her hand pressed over her chest.
“I have no heartbeat,” she whispered. “I have no warmth, no blood...I barely have a voice. I’m not alive...That is why you forgive me. You think I’m real. You think I’m back.”
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my fears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I’ve built it strong for you
“But you said you were not dead,” he argued.
“I’m not dead...in your heart...or your mind...as long as you keep the memories alive, I’ll remain alive with them...”
“So you are a memory?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“What are you then?”
She shrugged her slim shoulders. “I have no idea...” She watched him closely. “Your beauty lessens everyday...”
“What do you mean?”
“When I died...You changed in physical appearance. You’ve grown thinner...Your face, it has lines. Your eyes are almost dead...I – I hardly recognise you. It is difficult for one to notice these changes in a person they love so much,” she murmured, standing ever so close to him. “I can feel your heart...But it’s so faint.”
“I – I don’t feel...I feel unwell.”
She looked so, so ... sad...
No one can hurt you now
In this haven safe and sound
Just hold your breath on your way down
“I’ve missed you,” she whispered. “And I know you’ve missed me.”
“I have.”
Her eyes burned into his. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course.”
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“Certainly. I love you more than I did when you were alive.”
“Then please...forgive me.”
“I already have,” he answered her seriously.
“No...not for that. For what I’m about to do.”
And then, she took him in her arms and pressed her lips to his. They were so icy to his skin, her hands cut right through his clothes and chilled him to the bone. There was no warmth in their embrace, no warmth in their kiss. There was no love.
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my fears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I’ve built it strong for you
She pulled away from him and looked to one of the windows. She walked to it, pushing the window open. Wind and rain lashed at her skin and her dress and she closed her eyes momentarily, letting out a long gasp of breath. Then, she climbed – and very quickly, so quickly that he almost missed it, she leapt out of the window into the night’s sky.
“NO!” he screamed, running to the window. “NO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! NOT AGAIN!” His hand scrambled at the window sill and he hoisted himself up, tears pouring down his face. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” he screamed as loud as his voice could be heard over the sounds of rain and wind and threw himself out of the tower window after his lover.
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my fears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I built it strong for you...
The maid of the old household wrapped her cloak around herself as tight as she could and stepped out into the light morning drizzle that blew through the icy air. As she walked through the grounds on her way to the barns at the back of the house to meet her boy, she could see her breath billowing out in front of her in grey clouds.
She walked round the side of the building and saw a dark lump on the grass in front of her. It was a body, and she rolled her eyes, reckoning it was one of the stablehands who’d gone out and gotten drunk the night before and had fallen asleep under the master’s tower – it might have been her boy.
“Oi! You! Get up before the cook sees you!” she yelled. The person didn’t stir. Frowning slightly, she walked over to the body and shook him. He was so cold...He rolled over and to her horror, she saw her master’s handsome face, a trickle of blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. There were tearstains on his pale face and his eyes were open, staring wide with horror.
The maid screamed and stumbled away from the dead body, tripping over her own feet. She screamed again.
Moments later, she was wrapped in a blanket in the kitchen with a hot mug of tea, telling the household of servants what had happened.
“This is such a tragedy!” the cook murmured. “Oh, and what with him losing that wife of his the other week...Oh...I hadn’t thought he’d gotten over that, and what with them losing the baby...Two cases of suicide...I’d thought I’d heard some yelling last night...” The cook shook her head, and the maid’s teeth chattered. Some of the servants were actually crying.
The cook was right though – it certainly was a tragedy. Their master’s wife had given birth to a baby girl months ago, but the baby had been taken ill and had died. A few weeks ago, his wife had waded into the lakes on the grounds and had drowned before anyone could save her – it was assumed out of depression for the death of their baby. And now, the master had killed himself by jumping out of the window of his tower...
But what they’d all noticed on inspection of the master’s toweroom was the overwhelming scent of his wife’s old perfume that hung in the room...
Just hold your breath on your way down.
“Oh...Where have you gone...” he sobbed, kneeling on the floor in front of the large fire place. The flames were long gone, now the wood still glowing red but the fire and its warmth fading.
The room in which the man knelt was round in shape, with brick walls and brick floor with a large red rug across it; there was a large bed and a sofa, and a huge mirror hung above the fireplace. Their was a pale square on the wall above the bed where a portrait used to hang.
“Where ... where have you gone?” he pleaded to the empty room. “Please! Speak to me!”
Suddenly, he heard a soft noise behind him and his head turned; there was no one there. He stood slowly, and turned in a full circle. He was very much on his own but...he couldn’t shake off the feeling that someone was watching him. With an open mouth, he turned to the mirror and –
She was staring back at him.
No one can hurt you now
In this haven safe and sound
No one can save you now
From this grace that you’re drowning in
Just hold your breath on your way down
The woman in the mirror replaced his own reflection. She was a little shorter than himself, with a lot of wavy, shiny black hair that hung in soft waves to her waist; her piercing blue eyes stared at him with warmth. A soft smile played on her full lips; she was incredibly beautiful, very stunning. Of what he could see over her, she wore a silver dress, intricately sewn all over with black thread.
“Oh...my dear...” he breathed, holding out a hand to touch her face. His fingertips hit the cold glass of the mirror, and another tear rolled down his cheek.
“Please. Do not cry,” the woman murmured. “I’m not too far away.”
“I can’t live without you,” he whispered hoarsely. “I can’t.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my tears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I’ve built it strong for you
He stared at this woman, the only woman he had ever loved; she was suddenly in the room, a cold wave forcing him way from the mirror after she pressed up against him, her lips so close to his.
“You fear me,” she said softly.
“I – I do not know what to say to you...You’re dead...You have been for days...”
“I’m only dead as long as you wish me to be.” Her soft voice was like a lullaby to his ears, making him feel drowsy and lightheaded.
“I don’t wish you to be!”
“Then...I’m not dead.”
No one can free you now
From the chains around your heart
Don’t be afraid now
Just drive in this emptiness
And hold your breath on your way down
She held out one of her small hands to cup his face. “I did not mean to do what I did.”
“Of course you did.” His voice sounded harsher than he had intended. “They all watched you walk into the water.”
“I had to do it, and you know it...” She looked sad for a moment, but the sadness quickly passed. “Please, forgive me for that.”
“How could I not forgive you?” He went to rest his hand over hers that still cupped his face, but there was nothing there. He looked down and saw her hand pressed over her chest.
“I have no heartbeat,” she whispered. “I have no warmth, no blood...I barely have a voice. I’m not alive...That is why you forgive me. You think I’m real. You think I’m back.”
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my fears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I’ve built it strong for you
“But you said you were not dead,” he argued.
“I’m not dead...in your heart...or your mind...as long as you keep the memories alive, I’ll remain alive with them...”
“So you are a memory?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“What are you then?”
She shrugged her slim shoulders. “I have no idea...” She watched him closely. “Your beauty lessens everyday...”
“What do you mean?”
“When I died...You changed in physical appearance. You’ve grown thinner...Your face, it has lines. Your eyes are almost dead...I – I hardly recognise you. It is difficult for one to notice these changes in a person they love so much,” she murmured, standing ever so close to him. “I can feel your heart...But it’s so faint.”
“I – I don’t feel...I feel unwell.”
She looked so, so ... sad...
No one can hurt you now
In this haven safe and sound
Just hold your breath on your way down
“I’ve missed you,” she whispered. “And I know you’ve missed me.”
“I have.”
Her eyes burned into his. “Do you mean that?”
“Of course.”
“Do you love me?” she asked.
“Certainly. I love you more than I did when you were alive.”
“Then please...forgive me.”
“I already have,” he answered her seriously.
“No...not for that. For what I’m about to do.”
And then, she took him in her arms and pressed her lips to his. They were so icy to his skin, her hands cut right through his clothes and chilled him to the bone. There was no warmth in their embrace, no warmth in their kiss. There was no love.
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my fears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I’ve built it strong for you
She pulled away from him and looked to one of the windows. She walked to it, pushing the window open. Wind and rain lashed at her skin and her dress and she closed her eyes momentarily, letting out a long gasp of breath. Then, she climbed – and very quickly, so quickly that he almost missed it, she leapt out of the window into the night’s sky.
“NO!” he screamed, running to the window. “NO! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! NOT AGAIN!” His hand scrambled at the window sill and he hoisted himself up, tears pouring down his face. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS!” he screamed as loud as his voice could be heard over the sounds of rain and wind and threw himself out of the tower window after his lover.
This fortress of tears
I’ve built from my fears for you
This fortress won’t fall
I built it strong for you...
The maid of the old household wrapped her cloak around herself as tight as she could and stepped out into the light morning drizzle that blew through the icy air. As she walked through the grounds on her way to the barns at the back of the house to meet her boy, she could see her breath billowing out in front of her in grey clouds.
She walked round the side of the building and saw a dark lump on the grass in front of her. It was a body, and she rolled her eyes, reckoning it was one of the stablehands who’d gone out and gotten drunk the night before and had fallen asleep under the master’s tower – it might have been her boy.
“Oi! You! Get up before the cook sees you!” she yelled. The person didn’t stir. Frowning slightly, she walked over to the body and shook him. He was so cold...He rolled over and to her horror, she saw her master’s handsome face, a trickle of blood coming out of the corner of his mouth. There were tearstains on his pale face and his eyes were open, staring wide with horror.
The maid screamed and stumbled away from the dead body, tripping over her own feet. She screamed again.
Moments later, she was wrapped in a blanket in the kitchen with a hot mug of tea, telling the household of servants what had happened.
“This is such a tragedy!” the cook murmured. “Oh, and what with him losing that wife of his the other week...Oh...I hadn’t thought he’d gotten over that, and what with them losing the baby...Two cases of suicide...I’d thought I’d heard some yelling last night...” The cook shook her head, and the maid’s teeth chattered. Some of the servants were actually crying.
The cook was right though – it certainly was a tragedy. Their master’s wife had given birth to a baby girl months ago, but the baby had been taken ill and had died. A few weeks ago, his wife had waded into the lakes on the grounds and had drowned before anyone could save her – it was assumed out of depression for the death of their baby. And now, the master had killed himself by jumping out of the window of his tower...
But what they’d all noticed on inspection of the master’s toweroom was the overwhelming scent of his wife’s old perfume that hung in the room...
Just hold your breath on your way down.