Never Say Goodbye

The summer was beginning, thank God! Matt and I were as great as ever, really we were inseperable. Other than when he was with the band.

I had opted to stay home from a ton of shows, not wanting to go out alot lately on the account I wasn't feeling too great. No, I'm not pregnant, I already went to the doctor and they said no. Gena took me, and dragged Zack with her. She said he should know first since he was my brother and all. But I made them stay in the waiting room, I felt weird about them being in there.

Again, it was negative. Thankfully, I really don't think I was ready for a kid yet. And I was sure as hell Matt wasn't anywhere's near ready, he had the band. And I had NYU. Not that I would have given it up, I would have made myself deal with my own, newer life. AGAIN, it was negative so I don't know why I'm getting into this.

Ok so right now I'm at home, Zack and I's house, just waiting around for the apocalypse. The guys were playing a show, and I didn't feel like going.

I grabbed my cell phone and dialed in Brianna's, Brianna being my best gal friend since I lived her, number and waited for her to answer.

"HEY!! JayJay I haven't heard from you in forever!" She shouted.

"I called you yesterday Bri." I laughed.

"I know, but it seemed like forever. So, what up?"

"Nothin' major. I was just wondering if we were going to take another girl's vaca anywhere soon."

"OH OH I vote Hawaii!" I heard Kristy, Brianna's older sister, yell from the background.

"ME TOO!" Brianna yelled.

"Hawaii it is. Two weeks?" I asked when we'd leave.

"Yeah totally. I'll get a hotel, you do tickets, and Kristy'll go buy bathingsuits!" Bri yelled.

"YES! Teeny ones!" Kristy laughed.

"Well yeah, obviously hun. It's Hawaii." I laughed and turned to the door as it opened and Zack, Matt and Gena walked in "Yes, you two plan and get those. I have to go."

"Aw'kay. I'll be intouch with you about the hotel and bathinsuits. OH WHAT COLOR? Really quick." Bri asked.

"Neon pink!" I shouted and quieted down as everyone sat down, giving me weird looks.

"Neon pink it is dear. Alrighty then matey, T-T-Y-L!" Bri shouted.

"T-T-Y-L LOVE!" I shouted back, getting over excited about the girls' trip, and hung up.

Matt just stared at me "What was that about?" He laughed as I plunked my phone down next to me on the couch.

"Bri and Kristy, we're having a girls reunion trip to Hawaii!" I smiled and closed my eyes "It will be off the freaking charts fun, I haven't partied with Kristy in so long. She's what? Like twenty-six now." I sighed "SO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED! Oh speaking of time, how was the concert?" I asked, looking over at the guys and Gena, who were looking at me like I was certifiably insane.

"It was awsome. The crowd got into it and freaked when they found out we were signed." Zack smiled "So what'd you do?" He asked.

I tapped my chin "First I cleaned, then I got bored so I did my nails," I flashed my now neon orange nails with pink tips "Then I made myself dinner, then I called Bri." I smiled. "You?" I laughed as Matt rolled his eyes. "Someone has a low thresh hold for jokes tonight."

Zack coughed "Uh... hey so when are you all leaving for Hawaii?" He asked, he was so darned nosey.

"Like two weeks. We're dying to get out of here and just let lose, hang out in a hammock in the sun with a few beers." I smiled as I invisioned the palm trees and then us three girls just laughing and talking. Like old times. Well, old times plus beer.

"Ooh cool." He said, eyeing Matt.

I looked over as Matt was just staring at me "Take a picture babe, it would last longer." I laughed as he blinked. "Seriously though, what has gotten into the cuddly teddy bear that I'm used to?" I asked.

"He's gone off into hybernation until he figures out when his girlfriend was going to tell him she was leaving for Hawaii." He stated simply.

I rolled my eyes "God Matt, I just made the plans tonight. I was planning on telling you when I saw you, which happened to be right now. And WOOOAH LOOK! I told you!" I laughed and rolled my eyes once more.

He snorted "SURE you were."

"Oh my God Matt, are you serious? You think I'd not tell you? Why in hell wouldn't I?" I asked, getting a little perterbed at his actions.

"Because you just... wouldn't." He said, stammering for words.

I laughed "Sure Matt, sure. Think that, but you know I tell you everything alright?" I asked.

He looked at Zack and Gena and then me "Like how you went to the doctors because you thought you were pregnant."

OUCH. "I... Well I... They... I..." I stammered. It never crossed my mind to tell him, because it was negative. There wasn't any need of it. So I voiced that and told Matt that that was what I thought.

"Well I think you should have told me, I mean if it concerned you then it concerns me." He stated sadly, as Zack and Gena left. Left me to deal with this, oh thank you Zack.

I sat there, thinking over what I was going to say. He had a very valid point, but I thought I did also. And it just... ugh remind me to kill Zack for leaving me to deal with him alone okay? Okay, thanks. Here we go...

"Well yes, I should have. But it was negative so I figured it didn't matter. But... I'm sorry if it annoyed you, but it was pretty petty to get all upset about." I laughed and stood up, taking note that it was already midnight.

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle and opened it, taking a few sips before walking back into the den. "So... what are you up to?" I asked, trying to make conversation before an awkward silence filled the room.

"Not much..." He mumbled, looking me over "What have you eaten today?" He asked, standing up and walking over to me.

I shrugged "Don't remember. Why?" I asked as he placed his hands on my hips.

"What have you eaten in the past week?" He asked quietly.

I rolled my eyes "Stop it already." I whispered and moved his hands from my hips.

Matt's POV

Over the past few days she's looked really thin, like not normal for her thin. When I put my hands on her hips I could easily feel her hip bones. The only thing that worried me was that back in middle school she had this small 'bout with being under weight, by a long shot. She wouldn't tell anyone but Carrie, but Zack and I knew it by the way Carrie supervised her and forced her to eat at meal times. But lately, no one had really paid attention. She wasn't one to be like 'oh my god I'm so hungry!', she always said she felt weird eating infront of people. That didn't help either.

I sighed and rubbed my neck as she moved my hands away "Come on, really." I whispered as she moved from me. I reached out and held her shoulder, but she shrugged away.

"I don't remember.." She whispered and walked to the hallway, drinking her watter bottle.

I sighed and remembered how she'd act when she had her problem back in middle school. Water, that was it. Of course she was naturally a thin girl, but she got even thinner when... well no one knew what would trigger it, but it's only happened twice. Both which Carrie had intervened and brought her out of.

"I just want to know you're eating." I sighed and followed her to her room as she sat down on her bed, already in her pj's which barely even clung to her body anymore.

"I am, stop worrying." She mumbled and pulled her covers to her chin, flicking the light on her stand off, leaving me standing there in the dark. I heard a quiet noise and listened closer. I heard it again, she was crying. "You can leave you know." She mumbled into her pillow, obviously not wanting me to know.

"I'm not leaving you." I whispered and took off my jacket and pants, leaving me in boxers and a black skull shirt.

I crawled into her bed next to her and laid down "Why are you crying?" I asked quietly as she nuzzled her face into my chest.

"I'm scared.." She whispered as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Of what?" I asked as I felt her long black hair fall across my arm.

"Going through this again. I think I'm going to lose this time." She mumbled and sobbed again.

"You won't lose this time baby, I'm here for you. Zack's here for you, all the guys are. And Gena, Brianna, Kristy and Carrie are here for you." I whispered into her hair as she shook her head.

"No... it's getting harder to actually eat now. I'm never really hungry, not enough to eat. I'm just... fine all the time y'know? And I can't force myself becaue I get sick." She sobbed "I'm scared..."

"Shh, it'll be okay. We'll get you through this baby." I cooed as she calmed down.

"I love you.." She whispered, her breath tickling my arms.

"I love you too." I whispered back as she fell asleep in my arms.