Never Say Goodbye

Jacky's POV

I bolted from the hospital and down the sidewalk, hearing Zack and Matt's frantic calls behind me. I couldn't cause this much trouble right now for them, I just couldn't drag them through this with me. I would feel so horrible if they had to be taken down also, if I was going down. But I was going by myself. They had lives to live, people out there for them. I didn't want to take them down, if by chance I crashed and burnt.

"JACKIE WAIT!" I heard Matt's voice getting closer as my weak legs started to give out.

I shook my head, tears causing my black hair to stick to my face. I felt my knee buckle and soon hard pavement was scratching against my body. "Ah!" I shouted, hearing Matt right behind me.

I scrambled to get up, but Matt's hands grasped onto my hips and pulled me backwards. "LET GO!" I shouted and tried to run, but he held me back with ease.

"Stop running." He whispered and pulled me into him.

I shook my head but let my body collapse as it felt so weak and small in his big arms. I felt another pair wrap around me and heard Zack's not so familiar sobs in my ear. "Don't do that again." He whispered and kissed my temple lovingly, as the awsome big brother he was.

Matt started to pick me up but I protested, making him put me down. "I am capable of walking you know." I whispered, feeling so dumb and immature for running away. I knew the whole time they'd end up getting me, I couldn't run from them. A) they were too fast and B) My legs were too weak to keep me up for too long. But none the less I insisted on walking myself back to Zack's car.

"Oh Jackie, don't ever scare me like that again!" Brianna sobbed and pulled me into a strong hug "Babe, we'd all die if we lost you."

"Ok I get it. Stop making me feel all stupid and childish." I hissed and pulled back from her. "Can we just go?" I asked, leaning against Zack's car.

"Sure thing." Matt said, kissing the top of my head and opening the door. I growled and walked to the other side.

"I can open my own goddamned door." I said, opening my own goddamned door and climbing in, taking a seat next to a confused looking Matt and buckling in.

~~

The ride home was full of "I can't believe you wouldn't go to a doctor sooner." from Zack and some extra silence and once in a while a hug from Matt. Brian was sitting next to me, Jimmy and Johnny were driving with Bri and Kristy. Brian would comment a few times, mostly "We're here for you hun." and on the lines of that. I tried blocking out all the pained looks Zack was giving me, he knew I didn't like attention.

When we got back to Zack and I's house, I walked inside in silence, ignoring Brian and Matt trying to get me to sit down and 'talk it out' with them. I shut my bedroom door and crawled into my bed, I was beat tired. I propped my pillows up and looked around, my room was spic 'n span clean. I hated a messy room, it made me feel gross. Speaking of gross, I'd been in these clothes for ever. I got up, feeling dizzy again, and got changed into my pj's.

Mum had gone out to find a drug store that was open at this time of night, it was currently midnight, to fill my prescription the doctor had given me for the dizzyness and any nausea I'd feel. Bria and Kristy had brought the other guys over. I could hear Zack explaining to them "She's probably asleep.". I sighed and continued pulling on my shorts, the shorts that were perfect fit only a few months ago were now baggy. I looked in the mirror, I looked like a skeleton with skin, and death warmed over in one grab bag.

My skin was sickly pale and my eyes were sunken in. Let's not even get on about how horrid my body looked, I was basically a freaking Lindsay Lohan clone from when she was like a skeleton. Insert me shivering here haha.

I walked to my bed and took the covers off of it, wrapped them around my shoulders, and walked down the hall to where I could hear everyone talking. I walked in and they all looked up at me. "Ayo." I smiled widely, feeling a little awkward and trying to hide it.

"Hey. I thought you'd go to sleep?" Zack asked as I sat down on the floor inbetween the couch and the chair he was sitting on.

"Eh, I didn't feel like it. I think I'll wait for mum to get back with my lovely meds." I said sarcastically "But yeah I'm beat. But I don't feel like sleeping, stupid I know." I brushed off his known next comment.

He nodded and looked at Matt, who just looked at me "Jackie, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" Matt asked.

"Uh...." I hesitated, knowing full well what he was going to bring up. But hell, I had to face it sooner or later. But I'd chose later, but he chose sooner. GAH! "Sure thing." I smiled and attempted standing up, but my legs wouldn't agree with me.

I sat down, defeated as Zack reached his hand out and smiled. I took it as he hoisted me up "Thanks bro'." I smiled and gave him a quick hug.

"No problem." He smiled as I followed Matt, the blanket still snug around my shoulders, into the kitchen.

We took seats at the table, him acrossed from me, and just stared at eachother "So what's on your mind?" I asked as I was getting fed up with the useless silence.

"Why didn't you tell me you used to be bulemic?" He asked, sounding hurt.

I sighed, I knew he'd bring this up. "Because it was, again, irrelevant. Well, until the past few weeks actually." I paused as he raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, you got it right. Hit the nail on the head to be cliche." I laughed.

He nodded slowly "Alright." He took a deep breath "I don't want you to keep anything else from me though, okay?" He asked quietly.

"Matt there's just some things you shouldn't kn-..." But he cut me off mid-sentence.

"No, you shouldn't keep secrets from me." He said, looking me dead in the eye. His brown eyes penetrating mine.

I nodded "Ok." I whispered.

"So, I say we start from the beginning. Introductions and all." He laughed, sitting back and crossing his arms. I let out a small laugh. "Hello, I'm Matt." He laughed.

"You're crazy, that's what you are." I giggled as he just stared, waiting for a response. I sighed "I'm Jackie." I smiled and laughed at how rediculous this was. "Now what?"

"Well, for starters. I'm twenty-one. I graduated high school, I'm in a band. And I love this girl, she keeps secrets from me. But I'm hoping if I make her annoyed enough she'll just tell me, and find out I won't stop annoying her until she does." He smirked.

I groaned "You are officially crazed!" I laughed.

"Crazed for you." He whispered. "Now go, start and don't stop until I fall asleep. And even then, wake me up and keep talking. I want to know every fear, down to the fear of sand in you pants." He smiled as I widened my eyes "I'm just that smart."

I laughed "Alrighty. Well, when I lived in Australia I was afraid of snakes coming into my room. Once I had thise snake in my bed one night, my friend Anna took it out and threw it out the window. She was my best friend then.." I paused, feeling my throat closing up. Yet another memory I wanted to leave behind me "Then..."

"Then what?" Matt asked.

Alright, deep dark secret time. Not even Carrie or Zack knew about this one.

"Well, she was a year older than me. So when she was eight, and I was seven, she... well she got put into a home. It was normal at first, then she came back a year later. Which wasn't too normal for girls like her. She was so sweet, we all knew she'd be scooped up in a heart beat." I stopped, wiping my eyes a little "Well when she came back, she wouldn't talk to anyone or look you in the eye, totally unlike herself. Well someone had overheard a conversation with child protection services that she'd been.... abused in the home she lived in for that year..." I stopped.

"What happened?" Matt asked curiously.

"Well she.. She had been raped by the woman's boyfriend, the woman who was planning on adopting her. They had said it wasn't only once... he'd done it numerous times, and Anna had finally had enough, she told their neighbor's son and he told his mom, who didn't do anything. She thought the kids were just joking or something. Well they weren't. One night the boy, Luke, and his mom were awake and heard Anna's cries. They ran over and found what was going on, called the cops, took Anna to their home, and then Anna got taken back to the orphanage." I stopped to take a breath and noticed Matt looked truly concerned of the outcome. I took a deep breath and continued "Anna had gotten teased by some really mean boys about it, and they called her a slut and tried things with her. A few months after she got back we were playing in our room. A boy said something to Anna, and she started to cry. She ran into the bathroom, but she wouldn't come out."

I felt a few stray tears slide down my cheeks. Matt came over and sat next to me, wrapping his arms around the blanket that was on my shoulders "You don't have to keep going if you don't want to." He whispered.

I shook my head, I needed to talk about this. I needed to let it all out finally.



"Anna? Anna open up, it's only me." I yelled to the bathroom door where I could hear her sobs. "Anna, come on." I sighed and sat infront of the door, playing with the blonde hair of my Barbie doll.

Suddenly I heard a small scream and then nothing. "Anna?" I asked, pouding on the door of the bathroom.

A few of the orphanage advisors came in and questioned me what was going on. I told them that some boy had upset Anna, and that she locked herself in the bathroom and wasn't coming out. They unlocked the door with a key on a chain and didn't bother blocking my view.

"ANNA?" I asked loudly as I saw a bloodied body lying on the floor.

"Oh my gosh..." I heard one of the ladies gasp and then felt two arms drag me out of the room.

I nudged my head into her neck and cried "Is Anna okay?" I asked as another woman called an ambulance.

"She..." The woman started but the look in her eyes answered my question.

"She's gone!" I sobbed into my hands.

"It's okay darling, she's in a better place.." She sobbed with me.

"The funeral was filled with caring people and children. It was horrid to see so many children crying, we'd lost our best friend though." I sobbed into Matt's chest.

"Hon, I'm so sorry... Why didn't you tell any of us?" He asked.

I shook my head "It's over, done with, and forgotten. But I'll never forget her, never." I sighed "But let's get onto something happier okay?" I asked as Matt nodded.

"Tell me all about how you met Zack and Carrie, how you came here. I like hearing all this." He smiled.

I laughed "I've told you this story like a hundred times." I smiled as he hugged me lightly.

"I like it though, tell it again." He smiled.

"Alright." I agreed.

~~~~

Third Person POV

Two years after Anna's death, Jackie was finally getting over it. She had lived in a few homes, tried her best to be a good, well behaved child so she could find a home. But none of them wanted her, so obviously she'd thought something was wrong with herself.

She was lying in her small bed on the second floor of the orphanage, thinking about what her mother could have looked like, when her name was called from the stairs.

"Hold on a minute!" The small black haired child shouted and got up, sliding her short legs onto the hardwood flooring, and running to the stairs. "What?" She asked as Leigh, the woman who helped find the children homes, stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"Jackie, could you come down here please?" She asked politely.

"Sure." The girl replied, skipping down the steps.

She stumbled on the last one, but picked herself up. She was pretty much a rough and tumble girl, she could play with the boys and get knocked down, she wouldn't care less. She'd go tackle the boy that pushed her.

Leigh led Jackie into the office, where a tall woman was sitting down, with a boy about Jackie's age. "Sit down hun." Leigh smiled and pulled a chair out for Jackie, it being on Leigh's side of the desk. "Jackie, this is Carrie Baker, and her son Zachary." Leigh smiled. "Say hello." She poked Jackie's side.

"Hello." Jackie squeaked, being slightly intimidated by the also black haired boy.

"Hello there." Carrie smiled, nudging Zack.

"Hi." He mumbled.

Jackie looked up at Leigh "So? What did you need me here for? I'm not welcome commitee, that's Andria." The small, usually polite child laughed.

"Jaclyn, watch your manners. And Mrs. Baker would like to adopt, and I thought you would be a great match for her." The woman smiled, giving Jackie a glare that read 'if you don't be polite you're screwed.'

"Oh..." Jackie looked up at the woman infront of her, waiting for Leigh to start talking. "How old are you?" She asked the boy, once Leigh and Carrie started talking.

He looked at her funny, like she was some sort of alien "Eleven. How old are you?" He asked right back, not even pausing to take a breath.

"Nine. Where do you live?" She asked, trying to get some insight on why he talked so funny.

"California. It's in America." He smiled proudly, his green eyes shining in the light coming through the window.

Jackie nodded "That's why you talk so weird." She giggled as Leigh looked down and smiled.

"No you talk funnier." Zack laughed.

"Nu uh." Jackie smirked.

"See, they already bicker like siblings." Carrie laughed as she beamed at Jackie. "I love her already."

"Then you just need to go through some tests, and file some papers, and go see the court to fill them, and you're set." Leigh smiled.

"HE'S GOING TO BE MY BROTHER?" Jackie gaped at Leigh.

"SHE'S GOING TO BE MY SISTER?" Zack gaped at Carrie.

"Yes." The two women smiled and pulled their respective child into their laps.

The younger child looked over what the older boy was wearing. He had on a black teeshirt and ripped looking jeans, what weird things to wear to Austrailia, it was really hot. He must have been dying of heat.

The boy looked also at what the younger girl was wearing, she was in a light pink, wide strapped, tank top, and a pair of bright green shorts. Her hair was down to her back, and it was shimmery black.

"Can we go play now?" Jackie asked Leigh.

Leigh looked to Carrie "If Zack's mother doesn't mind, if she wants to get a head start on papers." Leigh smiled politely.

"Sure. Zack, go play nicely." She smiled, setting the boy down.

The two stood next to eachother for a moment, looking at eachother. Jackie was visibly shorter than Zack, by a good four inches at the time. But other than that, and the fact she was going to be adopted, they looked very similar. Both with green eyes and black hair.

"Come on." Jackie said quickly "I'll show you around." She smiled proudly and dragged Zack by his hand to the stairs.

"Where are we going?" The boy asked curiously as they passed rooms with other children playing in them.

"My room, I have my own special seperate room because I get sad alot." She said, sadly though. She was leaving detail out, detail that would clear up the boy's question to why she would be so sad she needed her own room.

"Why do-.." But before the boy could finish, Jackie had planted her face into the hardwood flooring. "Oh my god, are you okay?" He asked, kneeling down beside her as she scurried to her knees.

He looked over her face, the brotherly instinct kicking in. She had a few scrapes on her chin, and along her knees. "Do you want me to go get Leigh and my mom?" He asked quickly, seeing a few tears welling in her eyes.

"No." She stated firmly, brushing herself off and standing, with Zack's help. "I'm fine." She smiled.

"Are you sure?" The boy asked, seeing right through her. He knew she wasn't fine, he knew she wanted to cry.

He looked around and saw a boy peering out of a door down the hall. He followed Jackie's eyes and saw that she saw him also. "Yes, I'm fine. It didn't hurt at all." She said, more to the boy than to Zack himself.

Zack got it, she didn't want to seem weak. What a weird thing to worry about. Weren't girls supposed to cry? He nodded as she continued to walk into a room, opening the door all the way as she entered.

There was a small bed by a window, and then a clothes dresser on the other side, that was it. "This is my room." She smiled and gestured around.

"It's nice." Zack said, but he didn't think it was. But his mom had always taught him to be polite, not to make other people feel bad. She said that if someone thought something of theirs was nice, but he didn't, not to make them feel bad and say it isn't. To just be polite. So he did, he really tried.

"Thank you. Want to play Checkers?" The girl asked.

"Sure." Zack replied as the two sat in the middle of the floor with the board game.

"Yay! No one plays this with me, well Anna used to. But she's gone now." The girl sighed and set up her color, red.

"Oh." Was all Zack replied as he too set up his peices. He was black.

A few minutes into their game that same boy that Zack saw in the door earlier walked into the room. "Hey loser, what do you think you're doing?" He asked as he stood over Jackie's shoulder. He was obviously much older, probably thirteen or even fourteen.

"Playing Chekers. This is Zack, his mom might adopt me." The small girl beamed, but as she looked at the boy her smile faded.

"No one's going to adopt you, you're a rotten little snot kid." He laughed and kicked the board game, causing small tears to prick in the girl's eyes.

"Greg go away, stop it." She said quietly as the pieces scattered acrossed the floor.

"Make me." The boy sneered and pulled Jackie's hair.

"HEY! Leave her alone." Zack shouted and Greg looked at him.

"So, brother to be gunna stand up for her? Admit it, you don't even want her as a sister." He laughed meanly as Zack stood up.

Zack laughed "Sure I want her as a sister, but I wouldn't want you even as a distant cousin. Being related to such a jerk as you would be a disgrace." He hissed, using his overgrow vocabulary for an eleven year old.

Greg just stared at Zack "Yeah right, she's just a tiny useless girl." He laughed.

"No she isn't, she's really nice. Why are you so mean?" Zack asked, Jackie was now standing up, making damn sure not to cry.

"Zack, just leave him alone. It's okay, it's the normal." She whispered as Greg smiled at her.

"That's my little bitch, now. I had some laundry in the basement that needed doing, why is it still there?" He asked.

"Yes, I'll do it when I have time. Sheesh." Jackie laughed.

Zack looked at the small girl sympathetically as Greg laughed at her. Zack shook his head, he even knew that you don't treat girls like that. He listen a few more seconds as Greg called Jackie names and once Greg slapped Jackie's cheek, hard, then he had had enough. You didn't take advantage of a much younger girl like that. "Just leave her alone!" Zack shouted and ran at Greg, pushing him to the ground.

"Get off of me twerp!" Greg shouted.

"Leave her alone then already!" Zack shouted and punched him in the stomach.

"OW! Get this freak off of me!" Greg shouted as Jackie had gone downstairs to get Leigh.

She re-appeard moments later with Leigh and Carrie, to find Zack still wailing on Greg for "hitting a girl." Carrie pulled Zack off of Greg and apologised to Leigh, who grabbed Greg and told him to meet her in her office.

"I'm so sorry.. .Zachary you know better than to hit people!" Carrie scolded her out-of-breath son.

"But he... but he.." Zack stammered with wide eyes.

"Mrs. Baker, please don't get mad at him." Jackie piped up "He was only hitting Greg because Greg hit me." She explained.

Leigh looked at Jackie "Is that true?" She asked.

"Yes. He hits me when I don't do things for him." She shrugged.

"Oh my word... why ... well we'll deal with him later." She gasped lightly as she saw a red mark on the small child's face.

Carrie let her son go, and he immediatly ran over and hugged his soon-to-be sister as she was almost in tears again "Don't cry. I won't let him touch you again." He whispered into her ear as she hugged him back "You're going to be my sister, and I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Thanks... Zack." She whispered back, feeling safe with him. She couldn't wait to have him for a brother.

~~
Back to present Jackie's POV

"And that, is how we created out awsome protective brother, little sister bond." I smiled as Matt laughed.

"He's a violent ass."

"I know right? He's always been on people's cases about being mean to me." I smiled, Zack was the ultimate big brother.