What's Forever For?
Dear Lance,
If you are reading this then I’ve left you by my own hand. I want to say that it wasn’t your fault, but I can’t. Not really. I won’t claim it was entirely your fault, because you weren’t the one that made me take that final step, but you were the one that made me take the first one. You left me, and I guess that’s exactly where this story starts.
You did it to my face; at least you had the balls to do that. Not that it made it any easier, if anything, it made it much, much harder. I had to watch your tears fall as you told me you still loved me; you just weren’t in love with me. After twenty five years of being in love, you’d lost it, somewhere and somewhere you’d fallen for another. You shouldn’t have cried, you had no right to cry when I was numb inside. You had no right to kiss me again, which is why I smacked you when you did. You had no right to dictate to me that I would spend the rest of my life minus the one man that meant everything to me, but you did it all anyway. With eyes filled with sorrow and with the words falling from your lips you ruined my life.
I will never forget the phrase you said to me, the one that you started that fateful conversation with. It’ll never fix it, it’ll never erase the pain, and it’ll never make it better, but I’m sorry. I should have known right then, but I was still so blindsided, still so dumb. I thought when you said forever, you meant forever.
Before you walked out that door you asked one thing of me. It was supposed to be easy, simple; at least, that’s what you thought. You begged me to just forget about you.
How do you forget about someone you spent so much of your life with? How do you forget first kisses stolen in the dead of night, hidden from parents and friends? How do you forget the look in your eyes as you so carefully accepted my virginity as if it were the most precious gift you’d ever received? How do you forget hours spent at the fair, watching you throw out your shoulder while you so desperately tried to win me that bear? How do you forget the red roses left on a pillow in the morning when you didn’t want to wake me before you left for work?
How do you forget love letters scribbled on a napkin and taped to the fridge? How do you forget lazy Sunday afternoons spent reading to each other? How do you forget frigid winter nights spent curled up in front of the fire, naked and invading each other’s personal space, bodies flush from the love we made? How do you forget the taste of the kisses? How do you forget the words spoken as a small golden band was slipped into place? How do you forget stupid little fights started just so we’d have a reason to make up?
How do you forget the parties? The Christmases? The births? The diapers? The early morning feedings? The boy troubles? The girl troubles? The weddings?
You don’t. There’s never anyway. Not for me, not for our children.
I tried baby, I honestly did, I tried to forget it all. I never could and it haunted me. I never turned to drugs, or alcohol, or anything of the sort, so maybe this ending is going to be a bigger shock than it should be. I hid my sadness from everybody.
I watched you though, when you would attend family gatherings with him. I watched you with sad eyes and a broken heart. You never watched back.
I guess I’m going to end this, there’s no use for it now. I’ll end this the same way you ended me.
Please, forget about me…
Forever yours in spirit,
Frankie
You did it to my face; at least you had the balls to do that. Not that it made it any easier, if anything, it made it much, much harder. I had to watch your tears fall as you told me you still loved me; you just weren’t in love with me. After twenty five years of being in love, you’d lost it, somewhere and somewhere you’d fallen for another. You shouldn’t have cried, you had no right to cry when I was numb inside. You had no right to kiss me again, which is why I smacked you when you did. You had no right to dictate to me that I would spend the rest of my life minus the one man that meant everything to me, but you did it all anyway. With eyes filled with sorrow and with the words falling from your lips you ruined my life.
I will never forget the phrase you said to me, the one that you started that fateful conversation with. It’ll never fix it, it’ll never erase the pain, and it’ll never make it better, but I’m sorry. I should have known right then, but I was still so blindsided, still so dumb. I thought when you said forever, you meant forever.
Before you walked out that door you asked one thing of me. It was supposed to be easy, simple; at least, that’s what you thought. You begged me to just forget about you.
How do you forget about someone you spent so much of your life with? How do you forget first kisses stolen in the dead of night, hidden from parents and friends? How do you forget the look in your eyes as you so carefully accepted my virginity as if it were the most precious gift you’d ever received? How do you forget hours spent at the fair, watching you throw out your shoulder while you so desperately tried to win me that bear? How do you forget the red roses left on a pillow in the morning when you didn’t want to wake me before you left for work?
How do you forget love letters scribbled on a napkin and taped to the fridge? How do you forget lazy Sunday afternoons spent reading to each other? How do you forget frigid winter nights spent curled up in front of the fire, naked and invading each other’s personal space, bodies flush from the love we made? How do you forget the taste of the kisses? How do you forget the words spoken as a small golden band was slipped into place? How do you forget stupid little fights started just so we’d have a reason to make up?
How do you forget the parties? The Christmases? The births? The diapers? The early morning feedings? The boy troubles? The girl troubles? The weddings?
You don’t. There’s never anyway. Not for me, not for our children.
I tried baby, I honestly did, I tried to forget it all. I never could and it haunted me. I never turned to drugs, or alcohol, or anything of the sort, so maybe this ending is going to be a bigger shock than it should be. I hid my sadness from everybody.
I watched you though, when you would attend family gatherings with him. I watched you with sad eyes and a broken heart. You never watched back.
I guess I’m going to end this, there’s no use for it now. I’ll end this the same way you ended me.
Please, forget about me…
Forever yours in spirit,
Frankie
♠ ♠ ♠
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