Put Your Heart Where Your Mouth Is

[Garret's View]

I saw John and Andy walking out of their hotel room. Her hair was slightly messed up, and she was blushing slightly. He was grinning that sideways smile of his, and glancing down at his hand--which was no doubt holding hers. I feared the worst. I could feel a hole forming in my lungs. I thought my heart was going to sink in my stomach. I didn't want to think of them having sex. I didn't want to think about why I cared so much about that subject. But I did.

You could tell by looking at her that she was a virgin when she meet John. I didn't know for a fact whether or not she was now, but I didn't want it to be John that took it from her. Not that I wanted to take it from her either, but not John. And thank God, not Alex.

She smiled in my direction, waving slightly, and they entered Kennedy's room. He and Wren were finally talking. Pat had finally gotten himself a girlfriend--the new merch bitch--and they were hanging out in our room constantly. Even Jared had a new make-shift girlfriend. She was the hotel's life guard, and she never left his side. I was completely alone, and watching my best friend date the one girl I actually cared about.

I thought about Andy's 'advice' when I fell off the stage last week. "Life sucks, and then you die." God forbid I'm actually that lucky.

I glanced around, and saw the very Italian looking day maid staring at me, looking slightly sympathetic. I didn't want to stand in the hallway, looking pathetic, so I headed down the stairs to the lobby....So I could look pathetic down there.

"Garrett?"

I heard my name, and I could've sworn it was Andy. I knew I was going crazy, and her voice was only in my head. Why would she be calling my name? I'm not the one she wants. I kept walking down the stairs. A small hand caught me by the elbow.

"We're watching Lost, do you want to come with us?" She asked, looking hopeful.

I shook my head. I was not going to be the fifth wheel. I, Garrett Nickelsen, would never be the spare tire to their love bus. Ever.

"Oh." She said, her smile fell. "I thought it was your favorite..."

"It is, I just have some stuff to do. Matt needed somebody to go grocery shopping."

"I went last night." She looked incredibly confused, and maybe even hurt. She wasn't. She wouldn't have been. "Are you sure--"

"I just don't want to, all right?" I snapped. The second I saw her take a step back, I wanted to shout apologies because I was so sorry for yelling to her face. I never wanted her to look at me like that again. She looked like she wanted to run, and find John, and have him kick my ass to South America. I knew she wouldn't, but the fear was still there.

"Oh. Okay, then...I'll just--, I'll just go, then." She mumbled, turning on the balls of her feet, and walking back to the room. She didn't shut the door all the way, I noticed. She left it unlocked. Maybe she did it on purpose.

Maybe she wanted me too, even just a little bit.

Maybe I was as crazy as everyone says.