Put Your Heart Where Your Mouth Is

"I'm thinking that ditching the cab was a bad move." Alex said, shaking his head sadly as he watched the rain, which seemed to be falling sideways. We were hiding out in an old Chinese restaurant, standing in the waiting room, with our faces pressed to the glass. "I can cover for it so well, though."

"Sure, sure." I smirked, wringing out my soaking wet hair, which was starting to curl slightly. "What's the master plan?"

"I don't have one." He said, "But I know for a fact that you love Chinese food, and look where I oh-so-strategically placed us!"

"How'd you know that?" I asked, wiping the screen of my phone to keep the water droplets from seeping into the battery. "About the Chinese food."

"We've been friends on MySpace for, like, a year, Andy." He laughed, "You didn't know that?"

"Um...sure I did." I said, biting my lip.

"Lies." he said, taking my hand. "Egg roll time!"

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Alex spent five minutes trying to get our order across to the old man behind the register. "TWO---EGG---ROLLS." He said, loudly, and slowly.

"Enunciate, Alex." I smirked, nudging him with my shoulder. He shot me a blunt look, and turned back to the man. I slid in front of him, casually bumping him out of the way with my hip. "Can we have two egg rolls, please?"

The man nodded instantly, "For here or to go?" His English was perfectly understandable. This frustrated Alex to no end.

"To go." He said defiantly, crossing his arms. He turned to me, and whispered, "How the hell did you do that?"

"Magic." I winked, making the cash in my hand a little more visible. He shook his head with a laugh, took the bag of food, and lead me to the patio with his hand in mine.

He sat down across the table from me, and handed me a paper-wrapped roll. He put the end of the eggroll in his mouth, and looked kind of uncomfortable. "I have swollen stick of meat in my mouth." He quietly set it back down on his napkin, and stared at it like it was wriggling with maggots.

I put my hand over my mouth so I didn't spit up any food if I laughed. Sure, it was an unattractive thought, but it was completely like me. "Smaller bites." I said, pointing directly at him, and feeling incredibly maternal. It reminded me of baby-sittiing the Carpenter brat that lived next door to me in Tempe. He was constantly sneaking off down the street to rally his friends in some water balloon fight, which always ended in me eating pavement, soaking wet, asking God 'why me?'.

“I was really happy when you said you’d come out with me tonight, Andy.” He said, almost out of nowhere.

I gave him a smile and set my food back down on my napkin. “Ditto.”

There was screaming in the kitchen--the perfect way to ruin a moment. The chefs and all the crew were sprinting, waving their hands violently, trying to shoo us away .”Fire in the kitchen! Run for your life!”

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” One lady yelled, picking up her kid, and running out the door with the poor child under her flabby arm. I considered for a moment that if she caught a breeze, her arm flaps might carry her through the air.

“Andy, are you paying attention?” Alex said, standing up. “We’re jumping ship.”

He took my hand, and soon we were the only calm people walking out of the building, which had yet to stop smoking, and start burning to the ground.

“Sorry our date kind of sucks.” He frowned, wrinkling his nose.

“It could be a lot worse.” I said, “You could’ve asked some other girl.”

“I couldn’t have. Not willingly.”