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We had been walking for the longest time around and around the venue. Colin’s hold on my wrist was firm and solid the whole while through, dragging me along with him. My legs were feeling weak and tired, but I was afraid to complain. I wiped my tears away whenever I thought he was going to turn around and look at me. I felt terrible. He had pulled me off as soon as he found out that I knew the boys. I knew that this was a bad idea when I first saw Rian that day. Suddenly we stopped in a grassy area surrounded by sandy dirt.

“Aimee, why didn’t you say that you knew them?” he asked finally after staring at me long and hard. I simply bit my lip, tugging at my hair. “Stop it. Stop doing that. Stop pulling your hair.” He reached over and held my hands tightly. I slowly raised my gaze up to his. There was not anger or betrayal, simply frustration. I was confused to as why he was upset.

“Colin,” I said feebly. I got his attention well. “Colin I guess I should fill you in on some things. I just never thought it would come up as something I would have to tell you.” He sat down on the grass, sitting with his legs crisscrossed. I sat down between his legs.

“That would be nice,” he said, petting my hair.

Silently, I thought back as to where I should start. “Well, it was the summer after my junior year in high school and I had just broken up with Jonathan Green…” It was as simple as that. I went through knowing Alexander Gaskarth to dating Jack Barakat; Christmas, the break-ups, the make-ups, I explained everything. “…and I ignored their calls after Poughkeepsie and then I met you and London. You made me forget them and the drama.”

Smiling a little, he kissed my cheek. “I’m fine with that. I’m going to have to thank Alex for his fuck up later.” I laughed half-heartedly and hugged him. A part of me did not want him to.

“That’d be the wrong thing to do,” I chided him a little, giggling. I pressed my lips to his briefly. We sat there silently for a moment before he spoke.

“Baby, I know you very well now enough to see something’s bothering you. Do you want to make things better between you and them?”

“Would you be okay with it?” I asked him, running my fingers up and down the short hair at the back of his head. He had gotten it buzzed a month ago and it was already growing back so quickly to how I loved it, as it was when I first met him.

He smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll let you know if I start feeling threatened,” he teased me, tickling my sides quickly, making me squirm into him. He said it in a teasing manner, but I knew that he was being serious.

After spending at least an hour under the hot sun, we got up and he walked off to the van to get cleaned up for tonight’s show while I went to go find a certain someone I owed a serious apology to. I had not been walking for too long when I caught sight of his familiar tall and lanky figure. It surprised me that he had gotten rid of the blonde clump that he loved so much in his hair. I remember when he first had it done, though we were not even acquaintances at the time. His friends had called him the skunk man. I did not know what to do though, as I stood less than seven meters away. He was talking to Jon and Kyle.

“Jack, dude, you have to meet our friend! Aimee, come here!” Kyle waved at me animatedly. That solved the first problem: approaching him. I walked over slowly, pacing myself as to what I was going to say to him. I felt my hands shake and my knees beginning to go weak. Jack did not even turn around.

“Hi, guys. Hey, Jack,” I said, my voice coming out softer than it should have.

“You two already knew each other?” asked Jonathon as he looked from Jack to me, and back again. I nodded slowly as I raised my gaze up to the tall man in front of me.

“She’s not all that,” Jack said with a blank tone. For some reason it hurt the most about what he just said. I think I would have taken it better if he sounded angry, but he was monotonous. I looked to Kyle and Jon. They looked extremely uncomfortable and they did not need to see or hear Jack act this way.

I cleared my throat a little. “Jonathon, Kyle, can I talk to Jack alone please? I’ll hang out with you two later; is that cool?” With an agreement, they walked away, muttering to themselves. Once they were far enough I turned to Jack to see him walking away. “No, Jack! Stop, wait, please?” I begged, running after him. I grabbed his hand tightly and he froze, making me run into his back. “I really need to talk to you.”

“About what; how you ran away and scared the shit out of me? How you dropped out of my life for years?” His voice grew louder and louder. I flinched and backed up, trying to take my hand back, but he had other plans and held onto it tighter.

“Jackie, you’re hurting me,” I whispered softly, my voice cracking from the threat of tears. “I didn’t know what to do. Something happened that night and I could not handle it. I thought that, I thought that if I ran away I’d never have to face it again.”

“Face what?”

“I can’t,” I trailed off. “It’s stupid, silly even. I just want you to know that I never, ever wanted to shut you out of my life, but I could not let you in and keep the problem out. I am so sorry. I am really, sorry. You don’t understand how sorry I am.”

“Problem?” he asked, watching me intently. “Or do you mean Alex.” I did not have to say or do anything to confirm that statement. “I see.” We stood there silently, I had my head tilted down to the ground and my eyes shut. “Aimee; I forgive you.” His long arms wrapped around me.

“You do?” I asked, my voice muffled from me burying my face into his chest.

“Of course I do. I’d be an idiot to let my baby-face slip past me again,” he said, chuckling. “However, there’s one condition.” I looked up to him, waiting for the condition. “You need to talk to Alex one on one.”

“I was going to. I’m scared though,” I said softly. He smiled down at me, moving my hair that blew into my face.

Letting me go, he patted my shoulder gently. “I know, but we’ve got to be brave sometime. But until then, you and I need to catch up.”

“Okay, what do you want to know?”

He paused to think for a moment before his eyes went wide. “Like when you became a fiancé! Spill it.” It was then, when I retold my whole life story, that Jack and I were once again friends. A part of me that I did not know was missing suddenly felt complete and that is what I wanted. I wanted to feel complete again. Sadly, my knowledge of the fact that Jack filled a certain void opened my senses to the other void in my heart, except this one was larger, deeper, and louder. It called out Alexander William.

“God damn… Aimee you’re engaged,” he said, flabbergasted, “to that Colin kid or whatever; seriously, him? I mean, not that he’s a bad guy or anything, but he doesn’t seem like anyone you’d date, let alone consider marriage with.”

I giggled at him and shook my head. “Well, I’ve only dated two people my whole life, Alex then you.”

“Why don’t you just marry me then?” he asked. I could not tell if he was being serious or if he was just kidding around as he usually does. I gave him one of my sincere smiles.

“Jack, you’re amazing, but I think our ship sailed a long while ago. I thought we’d get back together after you came back from tour, but when it didn’t happen,” I trailed off. He got the point. Sighing he walked over and gave me a big hug.

He pulled back slightly to look me in the eye. “You’re the only girl I’ve really liked. Now I can’t have you.”

“What about that girl in high school-”

He cut me off. “-She doesn’t count and we’re not going to talk about that.” I grimaced slightly. Though Jack and I did not pay much mind to each other while Alex and I dated, I knew enough about his relationships in high school through Alex to know that they never went well for Jack. “Besides, I think I might pay your fiancé a visit, kill him, and then steal you away.” I rolled my eyes, laughing.

“You’re crazy.”

Jack and I spent a little while longer talking before I finally had to leave. I found the ‘Big Moose.’ Colin was outside, leaning on it. London had the passenger door opened, sitting on the seat, rummaging through an envelope.

“Baby, London’s just going to drop us off and then get us afterwards. Is that okay with you?” Colin smiled at me brightly, opening his arms wide for me to walk into. He wrapped his long arms around my body. I rested my chin on his chest, looking up at him.

“That’s totally fine with me,” I replied.

“Did you fix what you needed to fix?”

I paused before answering. “Well, I fixed half of it.”

“Some is always better than none, I always say,” he said smiling.

“You do not always say that.”

“Well I should.” He left kisses all over my face, which led to making out, which then led him to groping my butt and London gagging at us. Something hit me, making me break away.

London angrily snatched up a pencil off the ground. “You guys make me sick! Hurry up and get in so I can get rid of you.” He slammed the passenger door, stalked over to the driver’s, and got in. I giggled into Colin’s chest before crawling into the backseat with him behind me. The drive was fairly calm and relaxed all the way to the venue. We waved goodbye to London as he drove away. We turned to see the gigantic line that had formed for the show. I frowned.

“Colin, these lines totally blow,” I said with a sigh.

He laughed and rubbed my arm. “No worries. These tickets are special access; completely VIP.” We walked by one of the people working at a venue and they pointed us to a door off to the side where a few people were already walking in. We showed our tickets and went inside.

“I’m so excited,” I squealed out a bit, hugging onto his arm tightly. “I can’t believe you planned this. You’re wonderful.” I mostly kept my fan crush on Jason Mraz a secret; yes, I was closet crazy about him. The only reason anyone would find out that I liked his music was if he, or she, were to walk into my room back home or at the apartment in Baltimore. My bedroom at my parents’ house had two posters whereas my apartment had just one that I had gotten in college.

“I’m not going to have to beat him up am I?” he joked, referring to Jason Mraz. I rolled my eyes and slapped his shoulder. We walked by the merchandise and he got us a shirt quickly before going to get a good spot for the show. Colin and I usually shared clothes, mainly jeans, flannel shirts, and band tees, because we were both thin. Although he constantly bought shirts in size small, I think the size smedium needed to be invented for him. His muscles usually made the sleeves tight.

We had to be a while into the concert when Jason Mraz came out and played. I assumed these people did not know how to enjoy his concert because Colin and I were pulled apart. A large man came by and completely cut us off from each other. I called out his name, but I could not hear him call back for me. All I knew was that I was pushed further away from where I once was. Suddenly with a harsh shove, I was pressed tight against someone.

“I’m so sorry,” I gasped out, unable to breathe. I attempted pushing myself away from him, but we were packed tight to each other.

“It’s fine. It’s hard to get away from people when it’s like this,” I heard the voice say, though it did not come out clearly. I managed to tilt my head up to see who I was stuck to in the mean time. My eyes went wide and I wished that I had not looked.

“Alex?” I asked my eyes still wide as ever. I saw his face contort into some unreadable expression. “I-I-”

“Aimee.” He said my name so smoothly it made my knees go weak and my face turned red. I almost melted into the ground if he had not grabbed me when I was starting to fall down. He let me go soon after and looked away from me up to the stage where Jason Mraz was messing with his guitar and conversing with the crowd. I turned around with my back against his chest and watched.

It was an awkward experience coming to a show with my fiancé and then spending the main portion of the show pressed against my ex. I did not know how to have a good time then; Alex, however, did. He rubbed against me as he swayed to the music, throwing his arms in the air and clapping along. I wanted to disappear. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and noticed I had two texts. The first was from Colin.

I will meet you right outside the entrance doors when the show’s over.

The second was from Colin as well.

Text me back baby. I need to know you’ve seen my texts.

I quickly typed out my response and sent it. I agreed to meet him outside the entrance doors. Sometimes it bothered me when Colin sent texts telling me that I had to respond. It made him out to be very clingy and demanding of me.

As the last song of the night began, I tried to get away the best I could. It seemed like Alex would never move away for me, but he did after a while of struggling with him. I opened the door and stood outside in the cool air. The door opened mere minutes after I had stepped out. Turning, I came face to face with my ghost.

“Aimee, I think we need to talk,” he spoke up after staring at me for a while. I turned my face away. I felt vulnerable when I looked directly at him. Why was I feeling like this? Why was it, that every time he said my name, I felt weak in the knees?

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked, biting my lip as I studied the details of the gravel. I watched as it changed from black to grey and even specks of white and metallic. The doors flew open again as large men walked out in black shirts.

“I’ll find you later, but we do need to talk.” With that, he walked away just in time as fans walked out of the venue. I stood there strangely until I heard my name called. Turning, I smiled as Colin squeezed out from the crowded entrances and immediately embraced me. I clung onto him for dear life. This boy made me feel so much better.

When we made it back to the venue, I went and found the Forever the Sickest Kids bus. I used their shower and changed into my pajamas. After hanging out with them for a little while, I made it back to the van and went to sleep. There was so much drama. I crawled into the back. Colin sat there reading a book with London to his left side passed out. I smiled and carefully crawled over London to the empty space to Colin’s right beside the window. We sat there for hours whispering before we finally turned out all the flashlights. As we lay there, spooning, I stared quietly out at the sky as he breathed on my neck. Instead of the handsome blonde beside me, I could only think of that brunette boy I use to love so much in school.