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ICU; do you know what that stands for? It stands for Intensive Care Unit. Do you know what types of people are in the ICU? Hurt people; really, really hurt people and Colin was there. I hung up the phone and stared at the glass porch table silently for minutes and minutes.

“Alex, do you think you can hold down the house for me? I have to go somewhere,” I said quietly.

“Yeah, sure that’s fine. What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning on the table. I debated on whether or not I could tell him.

“Colin’s in the ICU at Maryland General. I have to go.”

His eyes widened and I felt his arms wrap around me. “I’ll take you. They can hold down the fort.”

“Alex, you don’t have to, really.”

“Please, I want to. Come on, we’ll take my car.” He guided me away and out the house to his car. I got in and sat down quietly, beginning to cry. Thoughts raced in my head. Was he going to be okay? What will happen if it is just Charlotte and me? Could I ever take care of Charlotte alone if I needed to? What happened to him?

“Alex, I’m scared,” I sobbed out. He silently took my hand and rubbed my hand in a circular motion with his thumb.

We made it to the hospital and learned that Colin had been stabilized. I took a seat in the waiting room with Alex, his arms around me. I clung to his shirt for dear life for hours. I needed someone to hold on to. I had fallen asleep after a while and woke up alone, lying balled up across two chairs. I looked around, searching for Alex. When I didn’t see him, I sat there, staring at the area carpet silently. Alex showed up not too much later.

“Where did you go?” I asked quietly, twisting the fabric of my dress.

“I went to call your mom and the guys. London showed up for Charlotte’s party and he’s on his way up right now.”

“Thank you Alex.” It was silent after that. The sounds of the hospital rattled my brain. Doctors were paged constantly, children were screaming and even adults were crying here and there; mostly women. Soon a doctor approached us.

“Are you Mrs. Livesay? I’m Dr. Yazbak,” he was a stout man with a dark mustache and glasses that sat on a large nose. He wore a clean navy blue suit under his white lab coat and a pair of shiny brown shoes to match his brown tie.

“Yes, I’m Aimee,” I whispered. “Is Colin okay; can I see him?”

“Come with me to my office first, please, if you will?” he requested, stepping back to make room for Alex and I. We made it to his office and I sat down. “Mrs. Livesay, Colin was involved in a collision. An Escalade’s brakes went out and hit your husband’s car, driver’s side. He has extreme internal bleeding, several broken bones and multiple fractures, a cracked skull. I know this is hard to hear, it’s hard to say, but I’m very sorry Aimee. We don’t know if Colin will recover. The likeliness he will is slim to none.”

And that, was that.

Though he fought and struggled to survive, I buried my first husband two weeks later. During Colin’s struggle in the hospital, he was stable at one point. Doctors thought it was going to be a miraculous recovery; however, I guess Colin knew he would not make it. He immediately requested a lawyer to write up a Last Will and Testament. He left all of his possessions to Charlotte and I to deal with, while his affairs like debt were up to his parents to deal with; they wanted to.

I’ve lost the most important men in my life; first my father, then Colin. It was hard to explain to Charlotte about her daddy. It didn’t help that Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack were off on tour again, leaving me alone. Christopher came by as much as he could to help me. London had become quiet and over protective of Charlotte and I. I suppose it was because Colin was his best friend. London took it upon himself to take care of Charlotte with my mother when I was off to work. He refused to leave her with strangers in a daycare. He told me he promised to fulfill his duty as Godfather.

This, of course, caused a rift in his and Kensey’s relationship. Apparently, she had been wanting to get married and start a family of her own, but London didn’t want to. When she saw he was spending so much time with Charlotte, she broke it off with him and told him he’d do better dating me since he was always at my house and I needed his help. She was not friendly about it.

Work was so stressful. I had started taking on more hours so that I could pay the bills. I was becoming old and worn out, but I was happy that Charlotte was becoming a beautiful little girl. It took the span of two and a half years to stabilize my life. Charlotte was going to be five-years-old soon.

“Hey everyone!” I called out as I walked into the house, placing my keys on the hook. “Anyone home? Hello?” I walked through the living room and peered around the corner. I kicked my heels off to the corner by the front door. A smile found its way onto my face as I watched my mother try to paint Charlotte’s toes as London held her.

“Mommy!” Charlotte cried out waving her hands at me.

“Hi baby. Guess what’s for dinner?” I teased her, walking into the kitchen. I began rummaging through the cabinets.

“What, mommy?” she asked, her eyes wide in anticipation.

“Alphabet soup!” I announced happily. I heard Charlotte cry out in excitement and I laughed to myself. She was so easy to please and this made things so much easier. I opened the can and poured it into a pot, letting it sit to cook. I pulled out Charlotte’s bowl and set it at her chair with her little pink spoon. I placed a white plate beside her bowl and put some animal crackers on it. I served it to her when it was done and I had some as well. I cleaned up afterwards and looked at the time. I let Charlotte take a shower with me. Once we were changed, I read her favorite stories, Beauty and the Beast with James and the Giant Peach, then put her to bed by eight. After I put her to bed, London would leave. This was pretty much my routine every day. I went to my room and curled into bed, turning the TV on and getting online with my laptop.

It was at least ten when my eyes became tired. I took my glasses off and was about to turn out the light when my cell rang. I stared at it oddly for a moment before looking at the screen. Alexander Gaskarth. Slowly, I picked up the phone. I hadn’t spoken to him since he and the boys left for their tour after Colin’s funeral.

“Hello?” I answered, staring into the darkness of my bedroom.

“Baby-face! Hey, what’s happening?”

“J-Jack?!” I asked, wide eyed.

“Who else calls you baby-face?”

“Why are you calling from Alex’s phone?” I asked, sighing. It was getting late and I had work in the morning; the gallery definitely does not run itself.

“I’ve been meaning to call for a while—a long while— and I’ve been forgetting and forgetting. But now everyone’s asleep and I’ve been thinking, I remembered to call and thought this would be just as good a time as any…” I listened to him ramble on and on for what seemed like forever. My eyes started drooping and my head began that circular dipping motion whenever it felt heavy.

“Jack, I asked why you’re calling from Alex’s phone, not… all of that. Whatever that was,” I finally interrupted him.

“Oh my phone died yesterday and the charger’s messed up.”

“I’m hanging up—”

“No! Wait, there was a reason why I called.”

“And?”

“We’re going to Europe again. Will you come with us?” And then I laughed. I laughed so hard I woke myself up from my exhaustion. I laughed until I started to cry and my stomach began to ache. It was the best laugh I’ve had in years.

After a while I managed to calm myself down enough to form words. “Jacky, you’re insane. I’m going to bed.”

“No! Dammit Aimee, I’m being fucking serious here. Come with me and all the boys to Europe.” He sounded serious. Jack was rarely serious and when he was, it was so clear and that’s what I loved about him. Now Alex, he was hard to decipher; you could never tell if he was messing around with you or not unless you looked him dead in the eye.

“Why do you want me to go? Jack, I have bills to pay, a job, a little girl—Jack, I have a toddler! I can’t just pick up and go around the world like you rock stars. ” I was exasperated.

“Here’s the deal. If you do some work for us, we’ll pay your bills. Take time off from your job and get out of there. That gallery’s just tiring you out and you don’t have exhibits every fucking day. Your boss loves you and will give you time off work. And bring Charlotte! I love that kid.” He made things sound so simple when they weren’t.

“Traveling is not for a four year old, Jack, and before you say it, I’m not leaving her with my mom or London. Mom’s getting old and London’s twenty-six and still doesn’t know how to care for himself.”

“Please Aimee, bring Charlotte and go to Europe with us. If things get too bad, we’ll bump your return ticket up and we’ll send you two home. Aimee, Alex needs you.I need you.” I paused. I didn’t know what to say. I was squeezing my brain for any excuse now.

“She doesn’t have a passport.”

“I actually asked Kara to go to the post office with you in the morning to go get one for her. We didn’t know if you had one or not.”

“This is so unrealistic.”

“Look, just get her birth certificate and her social security card, and whatever else and go with Kara tomorrow. She’s going to call you when she wakes up.” That was the end of that. They were so conniving; all of them. They had everything planned out.

In the morning, I had my passport renewed, and Charlotte’s passport made. They arrived in the mail just in time for us to go on tour. We would be gone two months, overseas. I packed Charlotte’s two favorite dresses and one little shirt and shorts outfit to last at least three days, along with one of my shirts from high school for her to sleep in, a few of her hats, a sweatshirt, and a jacket. I put in some shoes, her socks, and underwear. These packed into my big suitcase with my two outfits. Since airlines were charging for bags, I had to economize; however, I planned to buy some outfits for the both of us in Europe—their fashion was two years ahead! I threw our shampoo and body washes into the bag as well with our tooth and hairbrushes, lotion, feminine products, and my makeup.

On the day we were going to the airport, London decided he would drop us off. Of course, I accepted, but I knew it was a mistake to.

I got Charlotte and I ready that morning. I put her in some flowery red shorts and a white tank top. I put little red flip-flops on her feet. To get her to sit still while I tended to myself, I painted her finger and toe nails then put in one of my old classic Barney movies—it was the one where they went to find Mother Nature. After her nails, I went to my room and tamed my wild curls and waves into nice ones that looked like they meant to be there. I did my mascara on thick since eyeliner was usually never good on long airplane flights, lip-gloss, and my own nails. Somewhere between glossing my lips and painting my nails, I managed to dress in a strapless floral top and a black pair of shorts. I slipped my feet into black pointed-toe flats. In my carry-on backpack, I had a laptop, her little DS for movies, crayons with her coloring books and a sketchbook, and two sweatshirts. There was also a secret compartment inside where I put our passports in.

When Colin died, I sold his car to London for almost nothing and gave him the second car seat that we kept in it. London put so much work into the vehicle to restore it. Granted, it was just a Honda Civic, but it meant something to him. Colin had that car since he was 16. London finally pulled up in Colin’s old car, got out –while leaving it running– and took my suitcase and carry-on for me. He put Charlotte in the car seat as well; however, before I could get in, he locked the door with his clicker.

“London, we’re going to be late, there’s no time for games!” I sighed, exhausted. I stayed up and made Charlotte stay up with me so we could sleep the whole flight—hopefully.

“Aimee, you know that you don’t have to go. You can just skip out on them.” He seemed calm and collected but his eyes were begging me.

“Is this about Charlotte? London, I’m her mother. I have the right to take her anywhere I want to! I know you’re attached to her, but seriously now, this is too much!” I said, trying to keep calm but my voice rose.

“No! This is about you. Aimee, I don’t want you getting hurt. Every time you and those boys are around each other, something shitty seems to happen to you! Aimee, I care. You know I care,” he said, moving in and giving me a hug.

“London, I have to go; come on, take us to the airport,” I begged him.

“Alright, but I want to talk to you about something important when you come back,” he said, kissing my temple and getting in the driver side.

At the airport, he took us to luggage check in and left us. Jack said that he and the boys would be waiting in the food court area. We made our way there, me carrying Charlotte in my arms and my heavy bag on my back. I found them by this Chinese food joint, loitering.

“Jack! Vinny, boys, hi!” I said happily, walking up to join them.

“Aimee! Aw, Princess Baby-Face,” cooed Jack as he picked up Charlotte from my arms. He kissed my cheek and walked off. Laughing softly, I turned to Zack, Rian, Alex, Colussy, Matt, and a few others I vaguely remembered.

I looked at them all, taking them in, “It’s been forever. You guys look so different, but the same, you know?” I sighed, content. This is what I wanted. I missed my past, when things were simple, and now it was here in front of me again. Though I was still young, these boys represented my youth—of when I was but a mere teenager.

We went through all of the security lines, grabbed some food at Five Guys, and soon boarded our flight. I was pretty much the first in line because of Charlotte; she was like that Flash Card in Six Flags that let you cut to the front. I managed to find our row; the plane was so huge. It was a three-four-three; this meant that three seats were on the left, four in the middle, and three to the right. We were in the middle of business class and the seats were visibly more comfortable. I read the ticket again, sat Charlotte in her spot on one of the middle seats in the center section, and put my carry-on under the seat in front of me.

“Mommy, I’m tired,” she spoke softly, pushing the seat’s arm up and crawling into my lap.

“Honey, just wait until we’re in the air, then you can sleep okay? Remember all the pictures we saw last night about all the places I’m going to take you to see?” I showed her photographs of famous buildings and places. Charlotte fell in love with the images and couldn’t wait to see them all; this was the only thing that kept her up until now. “Here, draw some of them.” I pulled out her crayons and a blank sketchbook for her to play with while we waited for the rest of the boys to board.

Soon the boys seated, Jack next to Charlotte and then Alex beside me. Jack helped me settle Charlotte in her seat, like buttoning her seatbelt and putting her things away in the seat pouch in front of her until lift off; however, just before liftoff, Zack got up from his window seat and let Charlotte sit with Rian and Colussy so she could watch the plane take off. When I was finally settled, I sighed and leaned back into the seat, eyes closed.

“You okay now?” I heard that oh so familiar voice say.

“Alex… You just don’t understand what I go through to make her happy,” I said softly. He fell silent, but I felt him take my hand as the plane began to move. I only hoped Charlotte wouldn’t cry from fear.

Soon we were stable in the air and Zack switched back with Charlotte. She hugged him tightly and told him a sweet “I love you,” making quite a few people “Aww” at Zack, embarrassing him. Jack began coloring with Charlotte and tweeting every so often, posting photos of her that I didn’t really like. Do you even know how many strangers are going to be ogling my little girl just because Jack Barakat posted her photo online?! I spent hours watching movies with Alex and just talking about everything, from how we changed—or stayed the same—to Charlotte. Soon it didn’t feel as though they’d been gone for such a long time now. It felt like high school again.

Somewhere on the ride between a romance flick, letting Charlotte get to sleep, and a horror film, I ended up falling asleep with my feet across Jack’s lap, Charlotte tight in my arms between my body and the back of the seat, and my head resting comfortably on Alex’s lap. When I woke up and realized this, the entire plane except for a select few, were asleep. I looked up and watched Alex’s sleeping face for a while. His lips parted and a line of drool ran down his face. His head was tilted and was ready to fall at any moment. His body was slouched and his arms flung to his sides. One foot stuck out into the aisle while the other bent oddly at an angle. I then looked over to Jack to see him at a similar position, except his mouth stayed closed, his head tilted forward and his hands were on my legs, and his ankles were crossed.

I smiled slightly at him, before carefully getting up. I eased past Jack, trying not to disturb him, and slowly walked to the bathroom in the back of the business class, before economy. I noticed that everyone was asleep except for one flight attendant sitting at the front of business. Sighing, I closed the door behind me and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. Slowly, I started to cry, quietly, to myself. “Colin,” I whispered softly. I pulled the toilet seat down and sat on it. The bathroom was definitely nicer than economy; their toilet didn’t have a lid.

Suddenly a gentle knock sounded on the bathroom door. Sniffling and wiping my face with some toilet paper, I flushed it down the toilet before rinsing my hands and opening the door. “I’m sorry…” I trailed off, realizing it was Jack. Then, I don’t know what came over me. I gripped the front of his shirt, staring straight into his eyes; they were so gentle, so caring, so kind. Slowly, I pulled him into the bathroom with me and locked the door behind us, and we kissed. It was slow then progressively became rough and… passionate. It had been forever since anyone had ever kissed me this way, but still, it wasn’t quite like Colin. It was better.

When we were through and both reached multiple climaxes, we looked to each other silently. I took in his rock star body, just as he took in my curvy one. I wasn’t as thin as I used to be. After I gave birth, my chest had gone up a size or two and wasn’t nonexistent as before, and I had grown an inch. I also still had that baby fat.

Biting my lip, I pulled my hair gently, looking away from him for a moment, before kissing his nose sweetly and then his lips. I got dressed, exited the bathroom, and made my way to my seat. Charlotte had crawled onto Alex’s lap, who was still asleep. I sat down and closed my eyes. Soon Jack joined me and moved his arm around me, pulling me close. I softly sighed, content. I hadn’t been loved by anyone in a long while, or held in that special way. It felt good and it felt right… for the moment at least.

“So, can we just say we’re in the club?” he whispered in my ear softly. There was playfulness to his words and I could only laugh and gently smack his chest with the back of my hand, snuggling against him.