Book Half Unread

Landing was horrible. The plane shook and rattled all the way to the gate, convincing me that the pilot was a noob. I wanted to throw up so bad; Alex and Jack teased me and said that it was “just me” and that the pilot landed perfectly. Other than her mother, Charlotte was fine, however she had crawled into Zack’s arms and he held her the entire time. Alex took my carry on for me and Zack continued cradling Charlotte. There was some trouble getting through the security line. Colussy and Alex kept setting the metal detectors off. That was a real headache. Soon we got to our luggage and found our ride. He was a tattooed and grunge looking man who looked like he fought at bars on the regular. I didn’t really know what to think of him, but I had this urge to keep Charlotte away from him.

We had to take several cars to where they had our tour bus parked. There were three others there as well as a small van carrying a trailer and a small RV. Sighing, I got out of the passenger seat of the car and stretched. I took Charlotte from Jack and carried her to the bus that was ours. Alex got on with me and we explored our home for the next few months. There were six bunks and at the back, where the bathroom was, there was a room that had a couch that looped around the room; it would make up for more sleeping room. After debating with Colussy, Vinny, and Matt, Charlotte ended up having her own bunk at the bottom and mine was above hers; Zack had called a top bunk so he decided to sleep above me.

As I was unpacking my carry-on bag, Alex came and sat on Charlotte’s bed with me, and started helping me unpack the bag.

“So,” I finally spoke after a second, “Who all’s on the tour with us?”

“Oh, you might remember them. Cobra Starship, The Maine, and Forever the Sickest Kids,” he said, sitting back and leaning against the wall.

“What about that small van and the RV? Who’s staying in those?”

“Some local favorite and crew and merchandise are in the RV.” He nodded his head a bit.

“That’s…awesome. Alex—”

“—Yes?”

I hesitated and stuttered a bit, “I-I’m going to… introduce Charlotte to the other bands.”

His face fell slightly. “Oh. Well, okay.” We sat there awkwardly until I finally got up and took Charlotte outside with me.

As we walked, she played with my hair, trying to braid a small bit of it, and began asking me little questions. “Mommy, who am meeting?”

“Mommy’s friends from a long time ago.”

“How long?”

“Before you were born,” I said, giving her a smile as I approached The Maine’s bus. Zack was there with Vinny talking to Jared and Pat.

“Mommy, that’s long.”

“Hey guys!” I said, smiling brightly. It’s been years since I’ve seen them. They’ve definitely all grown up into young men now. “I’ve missed you all!”

“And she finally shows her face! Is this your kid?” Jared asked approaching me with Pat in tow.

“This is Charlotte. Baby say “hi” to Uncle Jared and Uncle Pat,” I said. She, of course, shied away and hid her face from them. “Come on honey,” I urged, kissing her forehead. “She’s just being shy again.”

“It’s all cool. Uh, say Aimee, Zack told us about what happened. We want to say we’re sorry about your loss, Garrett, Kennedy and others too. They’re inside if you want to see them. Kennedy can probably break her out of that shell,” Pat said sincerely, teasing Charlotte in the end. I gave them a genuine smile and followed them into the bus with Zack and Vinny in tow.

I caught up with them and, as Pat said, Kennedy broke Charlotte out of her shyness and soon she was playing with them all. She was attached to John’s leg, but he didn’t seem to mind; it surprised me to see that he actually did well with children. I was glad by the end of catching up with the boys to see that they were all watchful of their language and behavior around Charlotte. They loved her even and Charlotte loved them too.

When I took her with me to meet Forever the Sickest Kids next, she told them, “Bye, bye, love you.” The same pretty much happened with the FTSK boys. I spent a longer time there than I did with The Maine, because I had more to talk to them about. I told them almost every detail about Colin and I, then what happened to London, and how I ended up here. Charlotte did so much better adapting to these boys. She attached herself at the hip to Kyle.

It was ten minutes until we moved out on the road so we said our goodbye’s, to Charlotte’s frustration, that we left. It took me promising her that she would see him again, that she was going to play with Jack, and a nectarine before she would settle down; now how was I going to find a nectarine? When we got back on the bus, it was just Alex sitting in the front on the couch.

“Alex!” Charlotte cried, wiggling from me. She waddled over to Alex, trying to crawl onto his lap. He sat her on his knees and gently bounced her. “Horsey ride!” she giggled.

I sat beside him, crisscrossing my legs. “How’ve you been doing?” I finally asked. It was time to have a real conversation.

“I’m fine. What about you?” he asked. He didn’t sound as if he truly wanted to know.

“Not very well.” I looked up at him and his gaze seemed curious.

Raising an eyebrow, he spoke, “How was the plane sex?” My breath caught in my throat and my eyes widened; he knew.

“I-I…we…” I stuttered, but he started laughing. He actually laughed at me. “S-stop laughing!” I managed.

“Aimee, it’s okay. I can guess it’s been a while since you’ve—”

“—Alex I swear if you say it in front of Charlie, I’ll slap you,” I stated, cutting him off.

“Hey honey bunny, go find Rian and play okay? He’s in the back,” Alex said, letting Charlotte down. Smiling, she waddled down the bus into the back, closing the door behind her. She loved closing doors, but she never remembered that she was too short and couldn’t open them again. “Now can I say it?”

“No.”

He was momentarily silent. “Can I ask why him?”

I paused to think. “I didn’t even plan on it, honestly. I was in the bathroom and there was a knock. When I was leaving, he was there. It just happened. Does it bother you?”

“Yeah, it does. A lot, actually.”

Curious, I asked, “How did you know? You were a sleep the whole time.”

“You both weren’t that quiet when you got back. I heard Jack,” he shrugged.

“Are you disappointed in me or something?”

“…Or something.”

Sighing, I turned so that I fully faced him. “I have something to ask you. A long time ago you wanted to tell me something about you and Lisa. What did you want to say?” I asked. “And speaking of her, why isn’t she here?”

“I remember that day,” he said slowly. “Charlotte’s birthday. You were making lemonade.” He laughed a little, his crooked smile slowly etching onto his face. “I’m really sorry about Col—”

“—Alexander, everyone’s sorry about Colin. The apologies… they can stop now,” I said, giving him a small smile. “I do want to say thank you for being there at the time, though.” I reached over and held his hand and he gripped back. “Now tell me about Lisa.”

“Uh… well.” He cleared his throat. “At the time, she and I broke up.”

“Then?”

“Then it was after Colin’s funeral that we got together again. And got engaged. And then we broke up again and this time it was for good, that’s… why she’s not here.” His words were slightly rushed, but I heard it all.

“I see. Well, wait. Why did you want to tell me that you and Lisa broke up while I was married?” I asked, catching that small detail.

“I don’t know. I just felt like I had to. I was such a fucking dick when we were younger. I wrote “Walls” with a lot of thought you know. I mean, I wrote all of them with thought, but I thought of you. Do you remember that Easter while we dated?”

“Yeah, don’t tell me you wrote “Walls” then,” I said, one eyebrow rose in question.

“No! No, no, no, but my mom took that picture of us? We were making Easter eggs. I looked at it the whole time I wrote the song,” he confessed. He seemed genuine about everything he said. “I tried to not write about you after that album, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know.” There was a long pause. “Alex, did you love me when we were together?” I asked him. We were adults now, and I had questions that needed answering. It was not fair to me all these years, nor was it fair to him whenever I ran away.

“I did. I think I… I think I still do. Do you have any feelings for me still?”

“I do. When Colin and I got married, I forgot about them. I had to. I mean, there was this wonderful boy who wanted to know and love me right there in front of me, and even after he found out about our history together, he still wanted to. That’s when I finally fell in love with him. Then I saw you again and feelings came back, so I ran home to Maryland. I had mixed feelings between both you and him up until your birthday I went to. Then I knew I had to grow up and couldn’t be a confused teen any more. Then when he died, I reflected a lot. I wanted you to call me for two years. When Jack called me from your phone, it all came back, full force because I thought it was you.”

He smiled at that. Pulling me over, he held me in his arms. “I asked the guys to stay in the back so I could talk to you about everything, you know. We can finally talk about it all. Do you have any more questions for me?”

“Just a few, like, why did you cheat on me?” It was the big question that everyone ignored all of these years. He knew it too by the expression on his face.

“What can I say? I was just another stupid teenager. You never put out, ever. Lisa did, and it satisfied a part of me. The guys liked her and she was popular. You guys are actually a lot alike.”

“So, she was like a sexually active me?” I asked. “If I’d put out, you would have stayed with me?”

“Honestly, probably not. I dated you to get some, but when I found out that your legs were glued shut, it was too late. I actually liked you too much, everyone did. If you had put out, I’d probably have slept with you then left and never spoken to you again. I’m glad you didn’t sleep with me… So… Can I ask, why did you date Jack?”

“He was sweet and treated me so much differently than you had. You were never cuddly or lovey-dovey with me like you were with Lisa. He held my hand, told me he loved me, and loved being around me without wanting anything. You treated me as if I was a friend rather than a girlfriend. Why did you and Lisa always have an on-and-off relationship?”

“We fought a lot. And before you ask, yeah, it was over you. Your name came up every so often, whether it was Jack telling me you tweeted something hilarious, sent a funny e-mail, or just asked about us. She’s a really good person, but even she got jealous. She only invited you to my birthday that year because I asked her to… Do you… okay this is stupid. Did you ever go back to see the tree after that winter?”

“Of course I did; post you, and pre-Colin, I went often. Chrizzy got mad at me all the time for it.”

“Speaking of that guy, what’s he doing now?”

“Okay this is weird, but he and Jenna are married. It’s a long, crazy, and complicated story. Basically, they fell back in love again. No one knew they had gotten together again so everyone was surprised when they said they married. You know them, they’re not flashy. They just went to the courthouse and I went as a witness. Jenna’s got two kids and one on the way.”

And that’s how it went for most of the afternoon. We talked for hours about anything and confessed about everything almost. A girl has to keep some secrets as well as boys. We pulled over to get food and the boys joined us. Soon it was as it used to be back in high school, except this time, years older, and with a toddler in our midst.

It had to be crazy hours into the morning when everyone, but Alex and I, were asleep. We sat across each other at the tiny booth by the front of the bus on our laptops. I managed to convince my boss to let me work overseas. Artists simply E-mailed me about when they wanted to rent out the open space and I scheduled them and E-mailed the complete schedule back to one of the girls I worked with.

Alex had been typing furiously when he suddenly stopped. Sure, he stopped typing before, but this time there was no small click of the mouse, nothing. I looked up, pushing my glasses up the bridge of my nose. He was staring at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you want to date me again?” he asked.

“Are you asking?”

“Yes.”

“Yes,” I replied simply. We stared at each other, smiled, and went back to our computers. We could be so weird. We played footsy under the table as we finished up and went to bed in our own bunks afterward. The both of us knew this had to go slowly, for Charlotte’s sake. Granted she’s five-years-old, but she has feelings and understands a lot. I don’t know how she would feel about us.