This Time, I Mean It

I let myself into the gallery but all was quiet, no Kitty running around busy as usual and going into the backroom there were still no signs of her then I realised that perhaps Gerard had stayed last night and Kitty was still sound asleep. I hoped they were back together, they were meant to be together and it was about time the two of them realised this.

I checked the calendar that was hanging on the wall and saw that we had a student called Jerry coming in at 1pm to show his work. He was young and enthusiastic and extremely friendly I remembered as I went to fill the kettle with water for my morning coffee.

I’ll leave Kitty to rest for a while, I thought because if she’d had an evening like mine then she was going to need it. So I switched the kettle on and I thought back to my time with Bob, his fingers warm on my body, his beard tickling my skin and his lip ring…I shivered.

**

I couldn’t believe the time and Kitty hadn’t shown herself. Jerry was coming through the door bringing in all his gear when I glanced at my watch and saw that it was 1pm. The morning had flown by with many customers and I just hadn’t noticed the time. I suddenly hoped that Kitty was OK.

“Will you be alright for a moment Jerry? I just need to go and see Kitty…she…she was a little unwell when I left her yesterday so I…I left her resting this morning,” I said lying to him. Shit. Why hadn’t I checked on her before this?

“That’s fine,” said Jerry, puffing and panting as he brought in a few portfolios of his work.

I opened the crack of Kitty’s bedroom door; the room was in darkness the curtains tightly closed. I could just about make out her small form lying under the quilt. She was snoring so she was OK but what on earth was she playing at? She’d never done this before. Suddenly I felt annoyed, I’d had an evening with Bob and had made it to work on time so why couldn’t she? And she lived above the gallery, hardly far to commute.

I walked across the room to her bed.

“Kitty, wake up, what are you doing?” I said trying to shake her awake. “Kitty its almost one o’clock and Jerry is bringing his stuff in from the car, all his paintings and a couple of those sculptures that you said he could show. What’s wrong Kitty? Are you ill?” I said to her but she didn’t look it.

“No, I’m not ill,” She said sitting up and looking at me, bleary eyed. Then I spoted a photograph of Gerard sitting on her bedside table, a recent photo, one with his bleached blonde hair. He looked great.

“That’s a great photograph of him, when was it taken? Earlier?” I said sitting on the side of the bed next to her.

“Yeah. We spent the night together then we got up very early and went out on a boat,” she said.

“I need to tell you all about my evening with Bob,” I said, I was desparate to tell her. “But not now, you need to get yourself up and changed and help Jerry with his exhibition,” I said pulling the covers from her.

“I know but I don’t feel up to it,” She said and I knew something was wrong, she was never like this. She was always enthusiastic about work.

“What’s wrong Kitty? Did you have a heavy night?” I said rolling my eyebrows at her but I heard a shout from Jerry who must have finished carrying in his gear. “Look, we’ve no time to talk now, I’m going to help Jerry get started, please don’t be too long, you need to be down there to meet some of his visitors,” I said getting up off the bed and heading over to the bedroom door.

“Liz,” she said to me as I reached the door, it was practically a whisper, I just about heard her.

“What is it Kitty?” I said turning back to her.

“Its Gerard,” She said. It was obvious that she need to say something to me, so I went to her again and sat beside her on the bed.

“What about him sweetheart?” I said and felt concern for one of my oldest friends. What the hell had happened here? If they were back together then…she didn’t look that pleased about it.

“I want to be with him but I… can’t,” She said looking down at her hands. What on earth was she on about? Of course she could be with him. She had to be with him.

“Yes you can, what’s stopping you?” I said confused now.

“Dan has been in an accident, earlier today, he’s at the hospital and he may never walk again, he’s going to need me,” she said looking at me, tears filling her eyes.

So then she explained, explained that she would have to stay with Dan after all and wouldn’t even be getting back with Gerard because Dan would need her. But as she talked I knew she still wanted him and felt so gutted for her that she was wasting her life with Dan, he’d be OK, he had plenty of other people to look after him.

This wasn’t right but what could I do? Kitty was stubborn and if she thought being with Dan was for the best then that’s what she’d do even if it made her so unhappy. I wanted to call Bob up and just tell him but I knew he was still flying. He said he’d call me tonight but I knew I wouldn’t tell him because he’d just go straight away and tell Gerard and I wasn’t sure what Kitty wanted him to know so I spent the rest of the day sorting out Jerry in the gallery, Bob coming to my mind quite often.

It was so busy in the gallery for the rest of the day and it was then I realised something, the next time I spoke to Bob I was going to tell him I wanted to fly out to be with him and do something else with my life.

But I wasn’t sure when I’d get to be with him because I had this feeling that Kitty was going to need me here for some time.

Suddenly Bob seemed so far away and it made me feel ill slightly.

Because I realised then that I'd fallen in love with him.