This Time, I Mean It

Well I was hooked and he, Bob, didn’t even seem to notice that I existed. He hardly spoke to me. He probably thought I was some snobby teacher or something. Well I wasn’t, not at all. I wanted him to realise this but it was difficult, being in such a confined space on the tour bus with so many people around, there was just no time to get to talk to him alone.

Watching him play that first night sent shivers up the back of my neck. I was transported somewhere else but every time the crowd roared I was brought back to earth looking around me to see who had been watching me, watching Bob but nobody seemed interested in what or who I was looking at. Kitty was looking at Gerard constantly, as ever and everyone else was watching their respective partners while me, I was struck by this drumming god right in front of my eyes. Who probably had muscles on top of his muscles and his thighs, well…

“You OK?” said Kitty, interrupting my thoughts. I glanced at her; she looked like she was drunk already.

“I’m good, they’re great. Is it me or do they sound better each time I hear them?” I said.

“You’re right, they’re getting better all the time and taking Bob on was such a great move for them. I love Bob.” She said, slurring her words.

“Are you OK?” I asked her, concerned. I noticed she’d had quite a few beers earlier and Gerard had already taken to the Jack Daniels before he’d gone on stage. Kitty was drinking far more than I’d ever known, Gerard too.

“I’m fine Liz. Anyway, how are your wedding plans going?” She said.

“OK.” I replied, not really wanting to talk to her about the wedding. I’d been eyeing up another man and I was meant to be marrying Brad soon. I’d have to go through with it though, all the plans were set. We were marrying in one month; it was huge, expensive and extravagant. It made me feel sick to think about all the money and time that had gone into it. Brad had asked me to marrying him a year ago after meeting at the school I worked but over that year we’d both changed and had got carried away with all the preparations. Our parents were all getting carried away by the wedding and it was so impersonal now and had caused huge arguments.

Things would change when we were married, I thought. I was sure of it. But seeing this hunk in front of me playing the drums, I began to doubt myself and Brad even more.

“Only OK?” Said Kitty. I knew she didn’t like Brad, that’s why I hadn’t seen her for ages. I don’t know why they didn’t get on, they just didn’t.

“Well, everything is arranged, now it’s just waiting for the big day,” said Liz. “Your bridesmaid dress is waiting for you to try on. When you’re ready.” I said.

”Oh, it’ll fit me,” said Kitty brushing me aside without a care in the world. Well she only had one care and that was Gerard. She took a huge gulp from her beer then looking around her she spotted some more beers close by and going over to the table full of them she grabbed one, pulled the ring tab and started glugging at it again.

I’d never seen her drink so much.

“Oh that reminds me,” said Kitty, “Alicia is bringing her friend over next weekend, I think her name is Eliza. They sure do have plenty of visitors on their tour buses,” she said slurring her words once again.

“I’ll be gone then, so that makes room for another,” I said, my eyes once again returning to Bob.

Fuck, he was gorgeous.

**

I’d say he had a slightly arrogant air about him, a bit of bad boy that was irresistible, nothing like anyone I’d ever been out with before. He didn’t care what he’d say to anyone and I liked that. I was sure there were hidden depths to him though, a softer side that I would love to get to know, I just wondered how to go about it.

**

”Liz, are you asleep?” said Kitty.

“No,” I said yawning. I’d been trying to sleep but the thought of Bob along the corridor lying in his bunk with possibly no clothes on was keeping from sleep. “What’s up?”

“Its…have you noticed a change in Gerard this time?” she whispered sitting beside me.

“In what way?” I asked, sitting up.

“Do you think he’s drinking more?” she said to me. Her voice sounded anxious.

“Yeah, I think he is, much more and…you are too Kitty. What are you doing? You hardly drank at all.”

“I don’t know it…its just happened. We all do it, but Gerard drinks more and I try and keep up with him. I can’t help it. We took drugs last night,” she said and I could hear the shame in her voice.

”What!” I said.

”Ssshhh,” she said. “Not everyone knows. It was a guy in one of the other bands, his name is Bert and he’s got friendly with Gerard. I bought some from him, just to try it, just the once. It wasn’t all that anyway and…we won’t be doing it again,” she said convincing herself.

Why didn’t I believe her?