This Time, I Mean It

I couldn’t take my mind from him, from the moment I woke up, whilst I was taking a bath and getting ready he was there in the back of my mind. We’d talked for so long last night and he’d kissed me once more, just before he left with the guys to go to the hotel.

Walking along the street to the gallery I put my fingers up to my lips remembering his kiss and his last words. “You know, I really wish we weren’t going back to LA tomorrow to finish this recording,” he said to me.

“Oh?” I questioned and I wished it too, I wanted to spend some more time with him, it was a weird feeling knowing that I wouldn’t see him for a while but this was how it would be, if we were going to start seeing each other it would be now and again and I wasn’t sure how it would work.

“I just want to stay with you for a while, get to know you,” he said bending to kiss my cheek. “I’m not sure when we’re due back here.”

“Well…as soon as you come back, we’ll do something, go out somewhere,” I said. I felt upset for some reason but had to brush my feelings aside, this was all new to us. “But…it’s getting late and I have work tomorrow so I really should be getting home.” I said.

“I know but I’ll call you, I have your number and you have mine.”

“Yes, call me, call me when you get to LA and good luck with the rest of the album.” I said my heart feeling heavy.

Then he hugged me, this huge guy wearing a weird outfit, he hugged me tight, hurting slightly but a good hurt, like a loveable squeeze.

“You take care now, get one of those security guys to get you a taxi” said Bob but someone called him then and he turned to go leaving me just standing there, unable to believe what had happened this evening. Then all of a sudden, before he entered the door he turned and winked at me and I smiled back at him remembering when he’d winked at me before.

So now, walking to the gallery I felt odd, happy but not happy at the same time. Happy because I thought Bob and I could have something then unhappy because he wasn’t around and I wasn’t sure when I’d next see him. Then there was something else, I’d always said I’d wanted to be married and remembered the conversation with Bob awhile back saying that he’d never marry and this saddened me because it was something I’d always believed in, something I’d always wanted to do, to marry and have children, to have the dream wedding with all our friends and family present. I’d dreamt of it since I was a little girl but I felt stupid thinking that, thinking ahead to something like that because we’d only really just started off but I couldn’t help but wonder why or who had put him off of marriage.

But my thoughts were taken from Bob when I saw Gerard leaving the gallery. He didn’t see me, just stood outside the door for a moment, lighting up his cigarette, taking a puff from the cigarette then walking off in the opposite direction.

So he’d stayed the night and that was a great thing because it could only mean that Kitty and Gerard were back together again.

And about time.

**

I opened the gallery door with my spare set of keys, seeing as I’d given the other ones to Gerard. All was quiet but I could just about hear Kitty in the back room, it sounded as though she was making herself a drink.

“Oh my god,” I said when I saw her, just the way she was dressed, it shocked me.

She turned, I knew I looked shocked but what she was wearing? It had surprised me.

“That’s… Gerard’s robe,” I said.

“So it is,” she said. She said it sarcastically. I wondered then what had gone on last night with those two, she looked tired out.

“I really don’t believe you wear that thing,” I said to her as I hung my jacket up onto the hook behind the door. It was disgusting; a robe that was year’s old, far too big for her, stained and full of holes. I didn’t realise she even still had it.

“I’ve always worn it, and can’t find anything around that either looks or feels as comfortable as this,” she said going to the fridge to get some milk out.

“Sorry Kitty but…I’ve not seen you dressed like that for ages, usually you’re all dressed and ready for work when I come in, anyway, I saw Gerard you know, I saw him leaving here but he…he didn’t see me. Has he been here all night?” I had to ask, I just had to.

“Yes and what are you doing giving him the key to this place?” she said, she was angry with me.

"So, you and he...last night?" I asked.

"Nothing happened." She said but I wasnt sure whether or not I believed her. Her and Gerard in the same room? They never could keep there hands off each other.

“It’s the truth. We talked.” she said looking up at me, knowing that I didn’t believe her. She looked like she was telling the truth, may be she was, unbelieve though it seemed.

“Well you always could talk non-stop the pair of you. So did you tell him about Dan?” I said going to sit at the table.

She hesitated, she definitely hesitated as she brought the mugs over to the table.

“No. I couldn’t.”

“Why not? I also see the ring is still not back on your finger.” I said looking at her hand and watching her reaction as she drank her coffee.

“Very observant,” she said to me, god was she in a weird mood. “Look Liz, don’t lets argue over this, I’ll go up right now and put it back on my finger if that makes you happy.”

“Yeah but its not my happiness we’re talking about. It’s yours. You shouldn’t be marrying Dan and you know it.”

“But Dan’s good and kind and he’s… stable.” She said, suddenly unable to look at me.

“And Gerard’s not, that what you mean?” I said. What on earth was she playing at here. Her and Gerard were meant for each other and I couldn’t realise why she just couldn’t see it. Dan was a boring old fart and the sooner she was away from him the better.

She couldn’t answer.

“Kitty you know everything about Gerard and what he and you went through, he’s come through it all and he’s fine, he seems stable enough to me.”

She yawned then and was probably tired from the lack of sleep. “Listen, why don’t you go back upstairs and get a few hours sleep then freshen up? It looks like you can do with it,” I said to her, she did look a wreck.

“You don’t mind?” She questioned looking at me.

“I can look after the Gallery you know I can and I know where you are if I need you.”

She stretched her arms and yawned once more.

“You definitely need a new robe. You have a huge hole under each armpit,” I said, then laughed at her.

“I can’t part with it and if you bought me another one then I’d never wear it.” She said and I knew this to be true. May be its her little part of Gerard that she likes to keep with her without even realising.

“What does Dan think of it? I bet he thinks it’s an old rag.”

“Dan hasn’t stayed here, you know that, I’ve only ever slept over at Dan’s place and when I’m there I just use his robe.”

“Why don’t you want him to stay here?” I asked then hung my head slightly. “No sorry, that’s too personal,” shit, why was I asking her things like that?

“Since when have you worried about asking ‘too personal’ a question? This is my place and I want it to stay that way. I hardly stay at Dan’s anyway; I kind of avoid it really as often as I can. Its just a couple of minutes walk from the Dragon and I just know that when I go we have to pay her a visit and I have to be on my best behaviour. She hates me but I don’t give a fuck.”

”Listen, I’m going up, I’m exhausted Liz. You’ll be OK won’t you?” She said but I knew she knew that I would be fine. I could handle everything.

“I’ll be fine, you get some rest, Gerard has worn you out.” I said to her.

“Oh shut up Liz, “ she said but smiled.

“Anyway, when you come down, I may even tell you how I got on with Bob.” I said, my mind once more on Bob.

**

Kitty had only been upstairs for a short time when the gallery phone rang.

“Hello, K’s gallery, how can I help you?” I said, ever so politely into the phone.

“Well, first you can help me by coming out to dinner with me this evening.” Oh my god it was him. It was Bob and my heart raced at the sound of his voice, it sounded amazing on the phone.

“Hey, I thought you were going to LA today.” I said, was this true? Was Bob asking me out, this very evening.

“We were but its been put off. Please say yes.” He said.

“Of course it’s a yes, where shall we meet?”

“How about I come to your place and get you around….around 7pm OK?” he asked.

Of course its bloody OK.

“That’ll be great, I’ll text you through my address, where shall we go?” I said to him, my palms sweaty.

“I’ll book something, leave it to me. See you at 7pm then Liz.”

“Yeah. See you then,” I said, as I placed the phone on the counter. My heart was still racing, my face felt flushed and I sudenly couldn’t remember what I was doing. I couldn’t concentrate.

Bob’s done this to me I thought. He’s spoken to me and left me like a gibbering mess.