Rum and Coke

“Honey. Sit right back down. Do you feel alright?” Maggie recited like she had been for the past two weeks. She had been short on actors, so she had to cast herself as Truvy in her version of “Steel Magnolias.” She was so lucky that Ellie and the rest of her theatre friends decided to help her out.

“Yes. Yes. I feel fine, great even” Ellie recited, albeit a little loosely and a bit dully. For some odd reason, she couldn’t get into character. She couldn’t leave the outside world out. She was just reading lines and going through the motions. She knew that she had to stop this train wreck, but just couldn’t bring herself to do it. “I could jog to Texas and back, but my daughter can’t. She never could, you know. I- I…fuck it! Line!”

“I am so mad.” The stage manager, Jamie, who was also playing the part of Ouiser, called.

“I am so mad I don’t know what to do. I want to know why. I want to know why her life is over. How is that baby ever going to understand how wonderful his mother was?” Ellie sighed and looked upstage right to her fellow actor. She knew that she rushed those lines and was very harsh. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way,” she said a lot slower and softer voice.

“You skipped a few lines,” Jamie said.

“Fuck. What?”

“How is that baby ever going to understand how wonderful his mother was? Will he understand what she went through for him…do you know the rest?”

“Yea. Sorry.” Ellie took a deep breath before picking her monologue back up. “Will he understand what she went through for him? I don’t understand. Lord, I wish I could. It’s not supposed to happen this way,” Ellie choked up before quickly continuing. “I’m supposed to go first. I’ve always wanted to go first. I can’t stand this. I-I just want to hit somebody…” Ellie swiped away a tear before turning to face Maggie. “I’m sorry, I know I’m utter crap tonight. I-I can’t do this.” She told the stage director, finally buckling in.

“Hey, Ellie. It’s fine. You go and take the rest of the day off.”

“No. That’s not what I mean.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I can’t fucking do this anymore!” Ellie screamed as she ripped her rehearsal costume off. “I can’t go on and pretend like nothing has happened. I can’t keep living in these fantasy worlds with hair salons, pink thunderbird convertibles, singing witches, and magic bean stalks. I need to grow up. Dreaming doesn’t keep you alive. Dreams kill. You have to think logically.”

“Ellie, just go home. It’s been a tough week.”

“I have no home. I have no family. My dreams killed her…but it doesn’t matter anymore. Dreams mean nothing. They’re just images that pop into your head when you’re dead tired or your head is in the clouds.. I-I gotta go. Find someone new.” Ellie said as she quickly walked through the rehearsal hall.

Ellie had never felt so lost and alone in her entire life. For as long as she could remember, the theatre house had always been her salvation- whether she was dancing, acting, or attending shows. It had always calmed her down. Now every time she was there, memories of her mother would flood her mind and tears would blur her vision. She briefly wondered if Ryan had felt the same way. But, just as fast as the thought came, it quickly disappeared.

She quickly whipped out her phone and dialed her mother’s number. She hoped that it was all a dream…a really really bad dream…a nightmare, even…anything…something that wasn’t the hell she was living in.

“This is Danielle Patterson. My phone is either not on me, or I’m glaring at it right now. I hate phones. Leave a message and I’ll try to get back to you…it might be in e-mail format though. Okay, I’m done…what do I do now?”

A deep chuckling that Ellie knew all too well chimed in over the phone. “You have to press the red button now.”

“Oh, right,” Danielle’s laugh filled the line right before it cut off.

Ellie sighed deeply and looked around. She had somehow ended up at the park. It was odd, Ellie had only been here a handful of times before. She walked over to the nearest tree and sank down. “It doesn’t mean anything. She never answers her phone. I’ll wake up soon and this will all be a dream…and we know that dreams don’t mean anything.”