Rum and Coke

Ellie furrowed her eyebrow as she walked down the stairs in her uncles’ house. She could faintly hear the sounds of string instruments and a child’s voice.

“I know a place where no one's lost,
I know a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.”

Ellie grimaced when she saw herself on the TV screen. Her voice was too sharp for her liking. Her face was almost completely washed out from the lighting and the odd camera angle.

“Is there a reason I’m on TV? Especially that video?”

Her Uncle Kale turned to face her. His eyes were red and a little puffy. He had tear tracks on his cheeks. “Come here, Hellion, I need a cuddle buddy.”

Ellie vaulted over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around her uncle’s neck. “What’s wrong? Why are you watching…this?”

Kale sniffled and looked over at the screen. Danielle could be seen. She had a large smile on her face.

“Kale! Don’t point that thing at me! Point it at her! I want her to look back on this one day and see how far she’s come!” Danielle laughed. “I want her to relive her first musical. I want her to know how proud I am of all her accomplishments.”

Ellie shook her head before burying it in the crook if Kale’s neck. “Shh, Jitterbug, I know. I know,” Kale said soothingly to his niece as he rubbed her back. “I miss her, too.”

“I-I knew I s-s-shouldn’t h-have y-yelled. I s-should h-have kn-known. It’s a-all my fault,” Ellie cried.

“No, honey, it wasn’t. we all knew that you’re mom was sick. We all knew that there was a chance it would come like this,” Kale placed his hands on either side of her head and gently pushed her head away from his chest. “It is not your fault, okay? Do not blame yourself, because, once you do, there is no going back. The last bit of innocence you have left will be utterly destroyed and you will be less than human,” Kale told her solemnly.

Ellie gulped nervously. This new side of her uncle scared her. She was used to the light-hearted funny guy that she had grown up with. This serious side was something different- something not normal to her. He’s going to kill me, she thought for a brief second before ridding herself of the ridiculous thought. Her uncle Kale would never do such a thing. And she knew it.

“Ellie?”

“I’m sorry,” she quickly said once she snapped out of her thoughts. Wiping away her tears, she couldn’t help but laugh at herself. “God, look at us. We’re being a bunch of saps. Mom wouldn’t want this.”

Kale nodded. “You’re right. She wouldn’t.”

Ellie nodded her head as a silence washed over them. As calming as it was to her, it was also a little unnerving.

Kale sensed the change in his niece’s demeanor. “Here, I found this when I was cleaning up her room.” Kale said as he handed over an envelope that was addressed to Ellie.

“You…went to the house?”

“Someone had to clean it up.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t worry, I left all of your stuff alone.”

“No, it’s fine.”

Kale nodded. “Well, are you going to open it?”

Ellie turned the envelope in her hands several times. “I- I think I need to do this alone. No offence, Uncle Kale.”

“None taken,” Kale said before placing a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll start dinner. Jared should be home soon.”

Ellie nodded her head and slowly made her way up the stairs and into her room. She stared at the envelope in her hand for about five minutes before finally getting enough courage to open it. The first line brought tears to her eyes and several more followed.

Ellie-

If you are reading this, then I have passed. I have asked Kale to give this to you because I know how you’ll react. You’ll go off in your dream world and pretend that I’m abroad somewhere and that I’ll come home soon. But, Honey, I’m not coming home anytime soon. In fact, I’m not coming home at all. Where I am, you’ll have to come to me…but I don’t want you to do that for a long time now, okay? Promise me that you’ll live out your dream- it’s a very beautiful dream.

I never told you this before, but a few months leading up to your birth, the doctors didn’t even know if you’d survive the birth. But, you did and I couldn’t be happier. If I believed in God, then I would have thanked him every day for bringing you into my life. I would believe that you were Heaven sent (even if your Uncle Kale calls you a little hellion) to me- to save me from the monster I had become. Because of you, my life has changed so much. I have never worried, been so frustrated, been so scared cried, cared, or loved anyone as much as I have done to you in my entire life…and I thank you so much for that.

Today was the day that I found out about my condition. I’m terrified for my future. That’s kind of ironic coming from me. I’ve only been this terrified once…Anyways, I just want you to know, that whatever I did to you in my madness, I still love you. I have always loved you…and I didn’t mean one ill thing that I have said to you.

Anyways, knowing you, you still have a million questions about your father. I’ll give you the heavily condensed, not very fulfilling version: we met through a friend; he plays in a band; he tricked me into loving him; I broke down and he wasn’t there to comfort me; we split up; eight years later, we met back up again; we had a small fling; he broke my heart (again); I moved to New York with Kale and had you. I know it’s not very satisfying, and you’re probably mad at me for it, but it’s…hard talking about it. He was thefirst only guy that I have ever loved really cared about. It scared me. I was petrified…but I’m still hung up on him…unfortunately. That’s one of the big reasons I never accepted any of Adam’s proposals- it wasn’t fair to him.

I still won’t tell you who your father is (neither will Kale- he’s sworn to secrecy), but I can give you a few hints. The first one is that he’s in a band (which I already stated). The second is that he’s in California. The third is that you look exactly like him (except your eyes- those are mine). Good luck, honey.

I’m sorry for keeping him from you. I had no right. The only thing I can really do is ask forgiveness from you. And, when you do meet him, don’t tell him what a sad sap I’ve been. Don’t tell him that I couldn’t move on without him around. Don’t tell him that I love him- that I’ve loved him all along.

Love always,
Mom

“Ellie! It’s time for dinner! And I’ve got a few surprises for you!”