Rum and Coke

Ryan watched as Ellie bounced off the bus and headed off to the venue, a brace securely strapped around her ankle. How she was actually running, Ryan couldn’t guess. She was singing an odd mixture of upbeat songs, the last being “It Don’t Mean a thing” by Ella Fitzgerald. Ryan shook his head at her antics.

“Hey, so I was thinking we should tell my dad today,” Kay rattled off at Ryan’s side.
He looked down at her, confusion written all over his face. She scoffed. “Are you even listening to me? We’ve been together since Vegas. And, I’m sorry, but I’m sick and tired of hiding our relationship from my parents and uncles.”

Ryan scratched the back of his neck. “Um, sure, but we’re you the one who wanted to keep it a secret?”

“That’s beside the point! Anyways, I didn’t want my dad to hurt or possibly kill you.”

He reached up and carefully cradled her head in his hands. “Kay, don’t worry about me, ok? We can tell the others after the show, but now, I have to go talk to Ellie- I promised her earlier.”

“What is with you two?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you two act more like a couple than we do!”

Ryan furrowed his brow. “We’re close, Kay. Get the hell over it. We’ve been through more shit together in our eighteen years than most people go through in a lifetime. So, before you start jumping your guns and coming to conclusions, think about it. That girl is my twin. The others are my siblings. Don’t you have that same relation with the other A7X kids?”

Kay hung her head and sighed. “Yea, I’m sorry. I was just being a selfish brat. Go, I’ll talk to you later.” She said before turning on her heel and walking toward the tour bus.

Ryan shook his head and again and ran after Ellie. He found her in the front of the arena, where all the concessions and merch tables would be. “What’s up, Jitterbug?” He asked as he slung an arm around her shoulders.

She smiled up at her. “Well…” she began, trailing off at the end. Ryan could tell that she was trying to figure out exactly how to phrase her problem.

“Would you rather play 20 questions?”

She shook her head. “No, that won’t be necessary. You see, I have this…collection of Barbie and Kens?” she more asked then said in a timid voice.

“Are they doing a firewalking ceremony, so all their arms are positioned up in the air. Oh, and let me guess, Ken’s doing the lambada, and everyone has mai tais,” Ryan joked.

“Stop this is serious!”

He gave her a hard look as he worked through her logic- Ellie has a tendency to talk in scripts when she’s either uncomfortable talking about something, or she’s just extremely hyper. “Ok, so you have a big problem?” he asked back.

She grinned. “Exactly! I knew there was a reason I kept you!”

Ryan rolled his eyes at her. “Thanks, really. I feel special.”

“You should! You can interpret my craziness.”

“You’re stalling.”

“Damn you.”

“Yea, yea. Ok. So you have a problem…what kind of problem?”

“One that deals with the prospect of fifty dead women hanging off the terrace?” she asked again.

Ryan furrowed my eyes as at this new riddle. “Ellie, don’t you think that it’s a tad too late to have a problem with your mom?”

“Well, it’s not technically a problem per say, just…how do I phrase this?”

“Spitting it out would be fine.”

“Do you remember this morning? When I was on the phone?”

“Yes.” Ryan replied, glad that the riddling was over for now.

“Well, I was talking to that charity in Germany.”

“Ok, I see no relevance to this…but I should be used to that by now...”

She sighed exasperatedly. “Well, Brian overheard me and got curious, naturally. So, I gave him the low down, then he asked about my ankle and why I can’t feel any pain…”

“I’m sure there’s a point to this, but I just can’t see it.”

Ellie glared at him.

“Fine, fine, so what’s the problem?”

Ellie turned away and wrung her hands together. “He might think that mom’s still alive and that he can go and meet up with her when we’re in New York?”

“Ellie,” Ryan said darkly, forcing her to turn around and face him. “What are you playing at? You can’t just fuck around with him then feed him to the wolves! Why haven’t you told him yet?”

“Val knows, at least I’m making some progress!”

“Yea, in the complete and opposite direction! Why haven’t you told him?” Ryan pressed on.

“I don’t want it to be real,” she whispered.

“What was that?”

“I don’t want it to be real, because I can’t fucking let go!” she yelled, causing several of the venue staff to look at her curiously. She pushed away from Ryan and wiped her eyes again. “I can’t fucking let go, okay? I still expect her to call me every night and ask how my day was. I can still hear her voice in my head, telling me that I’m doing a good thing and that she’s proud of me. Hell, I can still hear Marcia and Thomas and Jane and all the others that have gone. I can still picture Mattheiu coming home to me…”

“Ellie,” Ryan said, saying the only thing that he could think of. “They’re all back in New York, six feet under.”

“I feel like I’m lost and abandoned. I- you don’t know how that feels like…”

Ryan’s anger flared as he glared down at her. Even though he love her to death, there were just some lines that you don’t cross and she crossed a few of them right there. “I don’t know how it feels?! I don’t know how it feels?! My father left, Ellie. He’s not coming back! He kissed me goodbye one morning and when I returned from school later that day, all of his things were gone. He willingly left me, Ellie. And Mom? Don’t get me started on her! She turned to drugs and then hung herself off one of the electrics in Treble Hall! You were with me when she was found, too! We found her! She hung herself because he tore her up inside. She killed herself all because she couldn’t deal!” Ok, I admit that that was a low blow, but damn! She was there for that. Surely she couldn’t have forgotten why I’ve been living with my aunt and uncle for the past four months! he thought.

Her eyes held so much guilt, that it almost broke Ryan’s heart. He was mentally kicking himself for yelling at her, but it was something that she knew he couldn’t control. “Oh god,” she finally let out, dropping to her knees on the cold tile. “I’m so fucking sorry! I know I can be such a selfish bitch sometimes, but…fuck!” she looked up at him with her red eyes. “I’m sorry, Ry-ry, I’m so fucking sorry! I know, I overstep boundaries and I say things without thinking first…”she drifted off. “But I’m sorry. I-I know that it was hard for you…i-it’s still hard for you…”she trailed off again, stuffing her face into her hands and eventually her lap.

All of his anger quickly dissipated at her pitiful form. Guiltily, he slid down behind her and scooped her up into his arms. He kissed her temple and “shh-ed” in her ear. “It’s okay. I understand and I forgive you. You’ve been through so much already- we’ve been through so much.” He laid his head on her shoulder and began humming a song that he knew would help.

“Let's pretend we're riding on a kite. Let's imagine we're flying through the air,” he sang. When she didn’t join him, he nudged her and continued on.

“Let's be wild, up high above the sand, feel the wind, the world at our command.
Let's enjoy the view, and never land.” He nudged her again. “It’s a duet, not a solo. Don’t make me sing this alone.” He could see the corner of her lips twitch upwards as she sang.

“Floating far from the shore
Some things are meant to be, the clouds moving fast and free
The sun on a silver sea.
A sky that's bright and blue.
And some things will never end.
The thrill of our magic ride.
The love that I feel inside for you.
We'll climb high beyond the break of day.
Sleep on stardust, and dine on bits of moon
You and I will find the Milky Way. We'll be mad(We’ll be mad), and explore
We'll recline (We’ll recline) a loft upon the breeze.
Dart about (Dart about) sail on wit with ease.
Pass the days doing only as we please, that's what living is for.

And some things are meant to be, the tide turning endlessly,
the way it takes hold of me, no matter what I do,
and some things will never die,the promise of who you are,
the memories when I am far from you.
All my life, I've lived for loving you; let me go now.”
Ellie sang the last line as if her life depended on it. She leaned her head into Ryan’s shoulder and kept it there for a while. “Thanks.” She finally said, albeit very softly.

Ryan kissed her head. “You’re welcome.” he replied at the same volume.

“I can still hear them,” she whispered.

“Me, too. But, I think that’s a good thing. It reminds us that they’re always with us, even if we can’t see them or if we choose to ignore their presence.”
She smiled and turned her head to look at him.

“I don’t like that smile,” he told her warily.

“Aweh, why not? You would have made a wonderful Beth!”

Ryan scoffed, playing along. “I don’t know, I think Amy would best suit me.”

She sneered at her former character. “No, no, no. Aunt March.”

“Well, not all of us can be a March. I’d say Professor Bhaer.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Ew….I don’t wanna kiss you!”

“Fine, fine. I’ll be Jon.”

It was her turn to scoff. “Jon Brookes was boring. No, I think you would make a wonderful Laurie.”

“Oh really? Are you saying this just so you can break my heart and have me run off with your sister?”

Laughing, she pushed on his shoulder and shook his head. “TBLF?” she asked, after she had calmed down.

Ryan chuckled at her offered fist. “TBLF,” he said after bumping fists with her. “Ok, now onto Ken doing his lambada and holding his mai tai.”

She groaned as she completely pulled away from her twin and stood up, Ryan copying her.
“Ellie, you’re going to have to tell me if you want my help.”

“He gave me his address, which of course I threw away, and I gave a false address to him. And when I got off the train, I saw that he was weeping. And I've often thought, oh, well, maybe he really did love me maybe that was my chance and I ran away from it because I didn't know it at the time.”

“Ellie, I know that it has to deal with your mom and Brian somehow, now why don’t you just tell me?”

She nodded and said, “Ho detto a Brian che può incontrare la mamma quando we' Re a New York City,” in rapid Italian.

Luckily for Ryan, he could understand most of what she said. “Why the hell did you tell him that he could meet her?”

She groaned in frustration and tugged on her hair. “I don’t know! It’s like…like jumping into a pond and having 1500 fish die and everyone look for survivors because the walls have collapsed…and, let’s not forget about the Julian Schnabel bridge and the giant 25-story tidal wave-”

“Oh no, can’t forget that,” Ryan mocked, masking his confusion of this riddle.

“-and then I was completely alone in the middle of the ocean until I realized: I had the cell phone tucked into my undies. So I phoned Olympia to come and get me, and she said, oh, perfect, I’ll send Chopin— which is the name of her dog— I’ll send Chopin over in the car, and then would you take him for a walk and leave the car on 8th avenue?” she finished in one breath. “Man, I am screwed!”

“I’d say. However, that was a wonderful interpretation of Lydia’s dream.”

“Why thank you. I do try.” She said with a laugh. “Oh, what the hell am I going to do?”

Pursing his lips, Ryan walked forward a step and enveloped her in another hug.

“Maybe,” she voiced. “Maybe I can somehow convince him that she died right before we got back? To New York, I mean?”

“No, Ellie.”

“It could work!”

“You’ll have to orchestrate an entire funeral. And what about the headstone? It has her death date.”

“Damn you for killing my dreams.”

“Not killing, merely showing you the ginormous holes in your plans.”

“Meh, same diff,” she replied with a smile as she detached herself from him. She shrugged and started walking. “I don’t know. I guess I can always blindfold him and drive him to the cemetery.”

“I think that’s best.”

She sighed again and looked at Ryan. “So, what’s going on in Ryan World?” she asked, linking their pinkies and swaying their arms back and forth.

It was Ryan’s turn to shrug. “Nothing really. Kay and I are telling her parents about us today.”

“Oh really?”

“Yea.”

“Don’t worry, Matt won’t kill you. Possibly maim you, but never kill you.”

“Geez, thanks.”

“I’m serious! So, who’s going to be the one to spill the beans?”

“Kay, I guess.”

“No, no! It has to be you! If you stand up to him now, and actually put your foot down on the matter, then he’ll deem you worthy for Kay. Trust me on this one.”

“Trust the girl who speaks in verse to get her feelings out?”

She shrugged. “Hey, we all can’t be perfect. But, seriously, Kay has him wrapped so tight around her finger, it won’t matter. If he sees that you make her happy, then you’ll be fine.”

Ryan laughed as they made their way to the green room. “Just like you have Brian wrapped?”

She scoffed and pushed his shoulder. “I do not have him wrapped.”

“Are you sure about that?” Ryan asked as he pushed the green room door open, ending all conversation.