Pressed Beneath This Spell

There's this feeling when something big is approaching. An event that is completely exciting but completely nerve racking. It makes your heart beat faster, your hands tremble, and your mouth water just thinking about it. Some events that cause these irritating reactions include graduation, prom, weddings, etc.

For Corie Reynolds there was an event lurking around the corner causing these reactions. It was nearly a month until she'd be attending her next All Time Low show. And as with the past months, the paradoxical feelings were a constant headache for her.

It had been two months since she heard his voice. And questions, answers, and confusion added another tornado to reek havoc in her mind. He didn't answer right away, if he had that would have meant he'd be waiting for her call, and since he didn't, that meant he wasn't thinking about her, right? Did he still think of her? Did he know it was her calling? Of course not. Did she want him thinking it was her? Yes. No. Of course...not...

The trip itself was a biannual occasion for herself and Jaynie. In the past it was buying the plane tickets, worrying about packing and schedules, and the overall excitement that gave her these reactions. Not this year. Not only were these inconsequential to her, but the added stress of the show and its aftermath added a new reaction. She was biting her lips into a chapped mess. And because of this, she now had new worries. Now I have to make sure I have chapstick with me at all times. Do they let those on the plane? I can't let my lips look this horrid for him. And I need to schedule a haircut. Should I dye it? I should get a new wardrobe. Maybe I should dye it with some red and get some dark blue. That looks good together...

"AAAAHHHH" Corie slammed down her chapstick onto the kitchen counter. She was furious with herself. She always wanted to maintain who she was no matter who she was with.

"Yes. Death to chapsticks." Corie whipped around to see a grinning Jaynie putting down colorful plastic bags with store logos.

"You scared the shit out of me! Why must you continue to sneak up on me?!"

"For one, you scared the shit out of me with that scream or groan or whatever you wanna call it. And two, you've been so damn easy to sneak up on since seeing Alex that it really doesn't constitute sneaking up on anymore."

Corie turned around and placed her head in her hands.

"Everytime I, " Jaynie put her hands up to show air-quotes, "scare the shit out of you, it's usually after I shut the front door like normal or enter the room like normal. It is you who is not normal. You always look tired and you always look like your mind is in some far off place. Not to mention the weight you've lost. And what's with abusing chapsticks lately?"

Jaynie moved to lean against a near countertop. Though fear of attack from Corie was absolutely never her intention or not, she maintained a distance from her friend. Corie slowly removed her fingers that were tangled in her long brown hair and sighed.

"Cuz it makes me think of my chapped lips. And my chapped lips are from constantly biting them. Thinking about that, I have to make sure I have chapstick with me. And that leads me to create a 'To-Do' list of items we need for the trip like getting my hair done, buying new clothes, etc. All because of that..." Corie turned around. "STUPID BOY!"

Jaynie winced.

"I'm sorry, Jaynie, I really and truly am. What the fuck is happening to me?! I'm so goddamned anxious about this stupid trip that I just want to cancel it. But then I know that it'll never be solved. I'll never know. All of these thoughts and quandries piss me off because this isn't me. Not over some damn ridiculous...bright colored...stupid frick-haired boy! This is so irrational! Who the fuck thinks about shit like this all the damn time?! Definitely not any normal person and definitely not me. Bella fricken Swan can cuz she's fiction and it's all about a god of a vampire Edward. Alex is NOT Edward!"

Corie just stopped and stared at Jaynie while trying to catch her breath. Jaynie just stood amazed at her. After a moment she spoke.

"I'm proud of you." Corie squinted her eyes at her.

"What?"

"You've needed to do that for months. You need to come to terms with this. I'm sorry hun, but you tend to keep everything inside until it turns into a battle. Then it comes like, exploding out. I'm always here to talk to but I knew that you wouldn't. You have to learn that battling it out in your head is not the way that anything is gonna get solved."

Corie released her tense shoulders and slumped against the counter, while finding a spot on the bottom of the refrigerator to absently gaze at.

"I know..."

"Good thing we don't have a swear jar, though I should start one whenever you're stressed."

Corie chuckled and hurled herself up to give her friend a hug.

"Thank you."

"No problem hun, but are you ready to talk about it?"

Corie released her and sighed.

"Yes. Yes, I'm giving up. I can't take it anymore."

"Good. Let's go to the dam."

Corie smiled and went to retrieve a sweatshirt, after grabbing the chapstick.

The girls made their way to their favorite spot near Baltimore. The dam. It was surrounded by closed down factories on the brink of being condemned. Wild flowers grew around the banks and few people knew about their hideway. Jaynie backed in her SUV and pulled the tailgate down for them to sit. Snacks had been picked up and for the first time in a long time, Corie had an appetite.

"So, let's talk girl. Let's clean up the debris."

"The debris?"

"It's had to been a hurricane or a tornado inside that head!"

"Ha yea it has...I don't even know where to start."

"Okay, um, let's start with the bottom line. Do you want him to be at that coffee shop?"

Corie looked down and picked at the chex-mix making crumbs in her hand.

"Yes."

"I know this is hard dear, but it needs to come out."

"I know..."

"Do you want him to be thinking about you?"

"Yes."

"Do you think he has been?"

Corie was quiet for a few moments. This is exactly what she'd been fighting in her mind. The sleepless nights, the missed meals, the sores gathering on her lips, all of it was because of these quandries.

"I called him."

"What?!"

"Two months ago...I called him."

"And? What did he say? Wait...you said you didn't have his number anymore."

"I lied."

"Aw Corinthia." Corie snapped her head in Jaynie's direction with a scowl.

"I might have lied but you don't need to bring out that name."

"I'm sorry...it's such a pretty name though..."

"Yea, real pretty...and weird. Corie is weird enough. Let's just leave it with that. Fuckin hippy parents..."

"Back to the subject at hand, Corie, what did you two talk about?!"

"After he picked up, I hung up."

"WHY?!" Jaynie's yell disrupted a bird nearby.

"What would I have said, Jaynie?! Oh, hey Alex, not sure if you remember me but I've been thinking about you nonstop. What? Oh that's normal for you with girls? I figured as much but hey, the spell was cast and here I am. What? You don't remember me? Of course you don't."

Though Jaynie was breathlessly giggling at her friend, she had to refute her.

"That is not what Alex would say, and I think you know that."

"Who the hell knows. I can almost guarantee that while he may remember me, which is doubtful, he isn't thinking about me as much as I have been thinking about him."

"I think you're wrong."

"I don't."

"I know you're wrong."

"Oh you do, huh?"

"Um...yea..."

Jaynie received the look that Corie would give her anytime she knew she was up to something. All Jaynie could offer was a guilty look back.

"What did you do?"

"NOTHING! Seriously, nothing like calling him or whatever...just...well..."

"Spill Jaynie."

"Norah, Rae, and I have been kinda stalking the blogs..."

"And...what does that have to do with anything..."

"There's a whole new thread in their blog..."

"About? Could you fuckin come out with it already?"

"It's entitled Coffee Shop Tracking."

"Coffee shop...what?"

"Fans have kinda noticed that he disappears right after the shows to nearby coffee shops..."

"That's ridiculous. You're lying."

"I can show you when we get back home, I am not lying. I wouldn't lie to you. Especially about this."

"How long have you known?"

"Awhile...the past three months..."

"Jayn-That doesn't mean anything though. He just likes coffee. It's become quite a facet amongst the young folk."

"Well...he kinda has a propensity to just peek in the windows and move onto another coffee shop...and-"

"Maybe he's looking for one without a lot of people."

"If he does stop in a coffee, it usually gets thrown out down the street..."

"So...?"

"Don't do this again Corie. You know he must be looking for you. You can't deny it. He's getting swarmed at coffee shops across the U.S. If he really wanted a coffee so damn bad, he'd get someone else to get it for him. Or have it at the venue."

"Or he's just looking for more attention."

"CORINTHIA! Do NOT scold me for that one. You're being irrational. You might think you're being rational, but you're not. This is just ridiculous. You'll hold yourself up in your room and not eat and not sleep if you keep this up again."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"You're only forgiven if you admit that he could actually be looking for you."

"He could."

"You're only forgiven if you believe it."

"I do. It is possible..."

Corie was looking down into the wildflowers. She didn't know how to make sense of all the news she'd received.

"I need to see the blogs for myself."

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Yea..."

"I can start listening to ATL again?"

"Let's not push it."

"K. Let's head back."

The girls gathered their misfitted picnic and made their way to the apartment they called home. Corie somehow felt lighter, and not just because of the ten pounds she'd lost, but by letting someone else in on her thoughts. Jaynie knew it was destroying her friend, but she had to wait until Corie had hit rock bottom.

--+--

"Here, look how many posts!"

Corie skimmed through the titles.

"Some think he's looking for a girl. Some think he's on some scavenger hunt. Interviewers have even started askin him and he said it's an inside thing with the guys..."

"Wow. It's really true."

"It really is."

Jaynie looked up at her friend with a sense of hesitation.

"What?"

"Are you feeling better about our trip?"

"I think so. Now it's a new feeling."

"Feeling of?"

"YOU GUYS?!"

"YOU WHO!!"

"JAYNIE? YOU HERE?"

"I guess they wouldn't yell to see if I was here, huh?"

"No...they kinda think you're a zombie lately."

"I still have done stuff with you guys though..."

"Yea...your body has. Your mind though?"

"Damnit."

"Seriously comin up with that swear jar idea."

"ANYBODY?"

"Let's go get em."

Corie left the room first and felt even lighter than she had when they left the dam. She entered the living room to find Norah and Rae putting their bags down.

"Hey guys!"

"Uh, hey Cor..."

"Yea, hi..."

They exchanged looks of confusion as Jaynie entered the room behind Corie, snickering.

"What? Didn't think I'd be home?"

"In a matter of words..."

"As in you've been all weird-like."

"Rae!"

"What? She has! Just tellin the truth..."

"Guys. Norah, she's right. It's okay. I guess I have some apologizing to do. So...I'm sorry. I guess I had a lot on my mind and didn't handle it well. At all."

"So you're back?"

"Sure."

The twins exchanged glances between themselves and a reassuring Jaynie before they crossed the room to hug Corie.

"We-"

"Missed you."

The girls were finally allowed to talk about the blogs that they themselves had noticed too. They all decided on a girls' night as a way for Corie to appease the past few months of absence. They did a little shopping, got haircuts and manicures, and finally finished the night with dinner and a movie.

Corie walked into her room just after eleven and heaved her shopping bags down on her bed. She sat in her desk chair and stared at the bags thinking of the new outfits she'd bought, specifically for the trip. She silently chuckled to herself as she inwardly promised that she would not be packing them. She would be herself and she would stop thinking about the what ifs. She looked at the drawer that still contained his number, that was now a mangled piece of paper, and pulled it out. She glanced at the fading writing and then glanced up at her computer which was still opened to the blogs. Smiling, she then packed the first thing for her trip that would happen in less than a month. She packed the number. If he didn't find her at the coffee shop, she'd still have a backup plan. And this time she wouldn't restrict her number. Whether courage would allow her to use that plan was the next big question.

Normally she'd be wondering incessantly whether she'd need to use the number or whether he'd be there, but for the first time since seeing the intriguing boy, Corie slept peacefully.