Here Lies The Waste

I woke up to sounds of my mom knocking on the door with her hand
“Will? You gotta get up - you’re gonna miss school. Did you know someone from your school was found dead last night? Jake Harvey? Said he’d been murdered on the news. I want you to be extra careful when you go out there.”

So it wasn’t a dream.
It was real.
And it had already been reported on the news - I couldn’t go in now.
I couldn’t face the world, especially today of all days.
It would be the talk of the school.
An assembly of remembrance would be held - I could break down easily in that hall.
Thinking about it over and over.
I was going to play truant today.

“Mom..I’ve been sick - sorry. that’s why I aint been downstairs.”
I heard my mom gasp from the other side of the door.
“Have you been drinking again?!”
I rolled my eyes, lying stomach down on my bed.
Closing my eyes.

“No mom, I don’t do that shit anymore remember. I’ve got a temperature and everything. Just leave me alone please..”
She sighed
“Okay, get better honey - I’ll bring up a bucket in a moment”
Well - no school.
That was a relief.
But then again - being on my own, having time to think for a whole day wasn’t good.
I’d upset myself with the same thoughts, images.
My possible future.

No longer having this bed to sleep in.
A roof over my head.
A life of my own.

I’d cried all last night - I didn’t even call Rachel.
She didn’t even call me.
I didn’t blame her to be honest.

You’d think that through this experience I’d be able to finish my song.
But when I put pen to paper all I got written down was words of hatred.
I broke down again in tears.
I turned the page and started to plot my next plan of action.
One that would hopefully go well.
Something that should work.
Once I had done that - I lay down on my bed and cried myself to sleep again.

* * * *

“Will? Will?”
I turned to face the door - Rachel was standing there.
She looked so beautiful.
“You didn’t call last night..and you weren’t at school either..so I came to check on you - Make sure you didn’t do anything stupid..”

I sat up, pulling my cover further up so she wouldn’t see me in my boxers.
I got a bit paranoid about people seeing me dressed like this.
Especially her of all people.
“Yeah. I didn’t wanna go in. Not after you know.”
She nodded and sat down on a chair. Putting her bag down on the floor.
“They’ve started investigating. they’ve classed it as a murder case.”
I nodded looking down at my feet

“Look, I’m not meaning to be rude. But if you are trying to make me feel worse about this than I already am then please don’t talk to me about it.”
She nodded with a sigh
“I’m not setting out to make you feel worse will. Im trying to warn you about what might happen.”

I got out of bed then - and looked out of my window.
Watching the people walk home from school - laughing with their friends.
People driving by in their cars, pumping music from out of the speakers.

“Rachel. I couldn’t go in school today - because I couldn’t bare going there and seeing them faces, hearing the gossip I had first hand information about. Maybe seeing people cry, the teachers looking even more fucking grouchy than they already are - a gathering in remembrance to him in the morning. No fucking way. You don’t seem to understand that I’m a murderer now. Accident or not I killed him. If they are looking for evidence it’s in my car. Either way I’m fucked. And I’ve been thinking about what I could do.”

“And….And what’s that?”

I turned around, looking her in the eye.

“I’m going to run away. Run as far away from here as I can. Tonight. And I‘m never coming back.”