Clash

"Stop it."

"I can't."

"Stop it."

"I really can't help it!"

"Lindsey, I promise, this will not be horrible. Stop worrying!"

"I just can't help it, Gerard. I'm not freaking out over the recording, but a world tour? Without you or Bandit? I'll die, I really will. What if something happens to you both? Will they let me know? You could be dead and I'd still be playing, and -"

Gerard pressed a hand firmly to Lindsey's mouth. "Babe. Shut up. Seriously. If we die, do you honestly think they wouldn't tell you, my wife and mother of my child?"

Lindsey relaxed after that as Jimmy came bounding up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her middle and swung her around. She screamed happily. "Yeah, and besides, there will be less of a threat to her health with us gone! Yay bad influences!"

Lindsey hit his arm while Gerard laughed. "Okay, put her down, don't break her."

"Of course, I don't want to break her." Jimmy set Lindsey down gently, then smirked. "That's your job, Gerard!"

Lindsey scoffed and chased after Jimmy, who was laughing like a maniac. "James Euringer, I'll murder you!"

Kitty walked in at that moment, carting Bandit. She had 'borrowed' the child and hadn't come back for half an hour. Gerard could only assume that she had showed her off to everyone in the building, boasting 'look what I'm affiliated with!'

"Gimme," Gerard demanded with a smile on his face, holding his arms out.

Kitty raised her eyebrow jokingly at him. "And what gives you the right to take her from me?"

"I gave her half of her chromosomes, now hand her here."

"An excellent point," Kitty said. She handed Bandit gently to Gerard, and Bandit immediately fell asleep, nuzzled into his shoulder.

Lindsey walked over to Gerard and stood next to him. He looked at her. "News of the battle?"

Lindsey smiled as wide as she could and held up a tie. "Victory."

Jimmy sat down angrily on the couch. His hair was a mess. "Never underestimate a woman with pigtails."

"Been there, done that," Gerard said, adding in a 'pfft' for good measure.

Steve looked at the group around him. "I'm ashamed to know you all."

Kitty smiled. "Love you, too, Steve!"

Rick walked into the room. "Gerard, it's good to see you!"

"Good to see you too, man."

"Nice job on the kid, by the way."

Lindsey laughed as Gerard blushed a little. "I try."

"Now, onto the business at hand. You guys haven't done anything yet?"

"You mean besides Kitty kidnapping Bandit?" Gerard said, glancing at the drummer. She raised her hands in defense.

"Hey, if you got it, flaunt it."

"But you don't got it. We got it," Lindsey said, gesturing to herself and Gerard.

"Another excellent point!"

"Come on guys, stay with me here. While you were waiting, you were supposed to write some shit. Anything. Your own rendition of Little Bunny Foo Foo or something."

Kitty and Steve looked at each other and smiled. They both made bunny ears with their fingers and made them 'hop.' "Little Bunny Foo Foo," Steve started.

"Running through the forest," Kitty continued, looking expectantly at Lindsey.

Lindsey sighed, smiled, and made bunny ears. "Scooping up the field mice,"

Jimmy smiled and made a sign for sex with his hands. "And fucking them all dry!"

Kitty laughed so hard she fell into Steve's lap. Gerard was biting his lip, trying not to laugh. Lindsey looked at Bandit, worried, then calmed down. That kid could sleep through Macy's Day Parade.

"Jimmy, you're a pervert," Gerard said. "I like that about you."

Outside the studio, Bill twisted a dreadlock around his finger and stared at his reflection in the glass door. He was nervous, to say the least. He was the only one who had given enough of a shit to actually go and look up this Mindless Self Indulgence, and he did feel a bit intimidated. Their Wikipedia page hadn't said much, and his English was still a little shaky in some aspects, but he had learned names. And he had seen pictures.

Their guitarist was playing with his pants down, for Christ's sake! What if they were all drug addicts or something? They all seemed crazy enough. The lead singer wore pink crowns!

And then there was the dilemma of the names. The drummer's name was Jennifer, but it said she was called Kitty. Was that just a stage name, or did they actually call her that in real life?

Bill continued to stare at his reflection in the glass, hoping it would start talking back and giving him answers.

"Ready to go up?"

Bill looked to the side and saw his brother's smiling face. He felt an arm on his other side slap him encouragingly on the back. Georg.

"Yeah man, we're going to get raped by fangirls or something."

"Ugh, don't mention those stupid, shithole fangirls," Tom moaned, lifting up his large sunglasses and rubbing his eyes. He had just narrowly missed jail-time because of jerk-off fangirls with no respect for personal boundaries, a lit cigarette, and a very well placed right hook. The judge had seen his point and instead of giving him a warning to not drop his soap, he had made him pay a very large sum of reparations to the girl in question.

Bill hadn't completely forgiven him for that yet.

"Point taken. All right, let's face our doom," Gustav said, smiling.

Bill smiled and Tom, who nodded. They linked arms and marched in time. "Duh-duh-duh-dum, dah-dah-dah-duh-duh-dah-dum!"

"We are not walking to a funeral, knock off the dirge!" Gustav laughed, pushing open the door.

Jost was waiting for them inside. "Where did you four go? I swear to God, you're all like kids with ADD!"

Tom opened his mouth like he was about to say something, then quickly turned to the side. "Shiny!"

"WHERE?!" Bill shrieked, playing along.

"Ha, ha, you two, but this is serious. Come on, we need to go up to the studio you'll be in so you can be properly introduced."

The four boys nodded and Bill adjusted his Prada bag. The marched in a single-file line to the studio, looking almost like The Beatles on Abbey Road. Jost led them to a room with a word on it Bill either didn't know or didn't care to remember. The inside expelled sounds of laughter, shouting, and a plethora of foul language all in sexually suggestive ways.

Bill swallowed a little too audibly and Tom elbowed him in the arm.

Jost opened the door and Tom pulled Bill inside, followed by Georg and Gustav. Jost walked in and closed the door behind him.

If there had been any movement in the room, any at all, it had ceased the second Jost closed the door. Bill felt amazingly self-conscious. Tom shuffled. He was extremely out of place with these people, they all dressed with a bit of similarity to Bill. He'd stick out like a sore thumb.

Jost walked over to a man who looked a bit more professional than the others did and held a silent conversation. Bill swallowed again as he felt intense eyes upon him from a woman with a large, black bass strapped across her chest. It wasn't a critical stare, but it was a stare nonetheless.

Jost and the other man turned back to the group. "Okay, well, we'll just let you all get acquainted. Mr. Jost and I here will go and discuss the plans for your CD and tour, we'll just let you... yeah. Well, have fun!"

Tom smirked. Mr. Jost, that sounded hilarious.

The two men skirted around the boys of Tokio Hotel, leaving the two music groups to stare each other down.

A man with strange hair stood up and started to speak loudly and slowly. "MY NAME IS JIMMY."

Tom nodded slowly, a look of utter disdain on his face. He already disliked this Jimmy person. "WE SPEAK ENGLISH."

A woman who was sitting on the couch giggled. "Don't mind Jimmy, he's an inconsiderate bastard. I'm Kitty."

Well that was one thing Bill didn't need to worry about.

The other woman with the bass in her hands smiled. She slid the bass around her body so it was upside down on her back. She held a hand on the neck of it. "I'm Lindsey."

"And I'm Steve," the last man said, giving them a quick wave.

"It's all very nice to meet you. I'm Bill, this is my brother Tom, that's Gustav, and that's Georg." Bill pointed at his bandmates as he said their names.

They all gave a quick little greeting. Tom nudged Bill's arm and got close to his ear. "Dibs on the chick on the couch," he whispered.

Bill scoffed, but smiled nonetheless. "Dirty pig. Excuse me!" he directed his speech towards the rest of the room. Everyone looked at him. "Since my brother is a pervert, would -"

Tom's hand slammed onto Bill's mouth. "Shut up!"

Bill rolled his eyes and slid his tongue along his brother's palm. Tom whined and took his hand back. Bill continued his thought.

"Would either of you two lovely ladies like to sleep with Tom?"

The two women exchanged a glance and smiled. "Gee," Lindsey said, making a disappointed face. "I would love to, you are cute, but you're too young, and besides, I've got a husband."

The man Bill vaguely recognized but paid no mind to waved. He had a baby in his arms, and Bill about melted. "Hi, Gerard Way."

Lindsey nodded. "He's my bitch."

"A fact on which I pride myself," Gerard said, nodding.

Kitty gave Tom the once-over. "I don't know. For all I know you could be completely disgusting under those clothes."

Tom lifted his shirt up. "I beg to differ."

Lindsey let out a long wolf whistle and pretended to fan herself. "Ooh, the fire alarm's about to go off. Someone is smokin'!"

"Legit eye candy, I will admit. But, still, no. I'm good."

Georg put a cupped hand to his ear. "Is that Tom's ego I hear deflating?"

Bill laughed, which earned him a swift smack in the stomach from Tom.

"So, I've got an idea," Gerard suddenly said, passing the child to Lindsey, who cradled her gently against her shoulder. "We're all acquainted an whatnot, why don't we all find out what we all do?"

"I'm a stripper by night," Kitty said automatically, waggling her eyebrows a little bit.

Steve started to laugh, as did Gustav and Georg. Gerard rolled his eyes. "Everyone this side of the Mississippi knows that, Kitty. I was thinking more along the lines of 'I'm a guitar player,' that kind of stuff."

Bill raised his hand and bounced gently. "Can we do it like in kindergarten? We all sit in a circle and introduce ourselves?"

Lindsey smiled. "Nothing like getting back to the good old days. Let's do it."

~+~

Soon, what had started as simple introductions had turned into several things over the course of an hour. They had said what they did and somehow, their positions made them connect a little bit, though Bill felt like Lindsey would be his second mother on tour. Everyone had found out everything about each other, and, like always, Bill and Tom's identical twin status caused the band that didn't know them to nearly die of shock.

Now they were playing a modified version of I Never where they held up all ten fingers and had to put one down if they did do it instead of knocking back a shot. Georg had added a new twist into the game as well: describe what the person had done to them or what they had done to another or anything else if their finger went down.

It was Gustav's turn. "I have never done anything on stage that made fans think sexual things about me."

Without any hesitation, Bill, Tom, Steve, and Lindsey put a finger down. Jimmy smiled and shook his head. "I can't say for sure if I have. Have I, Steve?"

"If you have, I don't know about it."

"All right, demonstrate, all of you, even though I already know Tom's," Gustav said with a bit of a grimace.

"With pleasure! Me first," Lindsey said. She stood up, grabbed her bass, and slung it over her shoulder. She started playing a song, which sounded odd when the bass wasn't plugged in, and, while playing, she bent backwards until her head was nearly touching her ankles.

All four German boys' mouths dropped open. Tom's eyes were so wide his eyelashes were countable. Georg was merely blown away that she could still play while doing that.

She bent back straight and stopped playing. "Ta-da."

Bill immediately started clapping. "You're my hero."

"Excuse me if I sound forward, but have you ever used that in any way during sex?" Tom asked, tilting his head curiously.

Lindsey pointed at Gerard and Bandit, who were chilling on the couch. "How do you think I got that one?"

"Which one, the husband or the kid?" Georg asked. Lindsey smiled.

"Both."

"That's not true and you know it!" Gerard piped up from the couch.

Lindsey rolled her eyes and pointed at the rest of the boys. "Your turn."

Tom turned to Bill. "Did they bring in our instruments and stuff?"

"Yeah, they should be over in the corner."

Tom stood up, searched for his Flying V, and found it nestled in the corner. He took it gently out of the case, put the strap over his shoulder, and, with no shame, began pretend-hitting it against his crotch like he was humping it.

Kitty and Jimmy laughed so hard they were a tangle on the floor, faces red from laughing.

"And it gets the fans every time. Tom is sort of a manslut," Bill said, nodding.

"Now you, Bill," Tom said, plopping down next to his brother after putting his guitar. Bill rolled his eyes, stood up, pretended to sing into a microphone, and made a very rapper-ish grab at his crotch.

This time, Gerard laughed. "Not leaving anything about the state of your libido to the imagination, are you?"

"Libido?" Bill repeated questioningly. It sounded familiar but it hadn't stuck in his memory yet.

"How horny you are," Gerard clarified, gently bouncing his daughter.

"Oh, well, okay. Thank you. Now, Steve, you?"

Steve's turned out to be what Bill had seen in the picture: him playing with his pants around his knees. The game progressed, and soon, Gustav won, three fingers over everyone else. Tom remarked that he had no life and they had soon split into separate cliques, almost. Steve and Tom began debating over guitars and brands, Kitty and Gustav were having some weird conversation about favorite foods, and Jimmy and Georg were talking about what it was like being the oldest in the band.

Bill was left by himself. Lindsey had gone over to sit with Gerard, and they were busy being parents. Bill felt his heart tug when little Bandit kicked her legs happily. He loved children with his whole heart, and wished he could have one himself. They enchanted him right down to his toes.

He sighed and pulled himself to his feet and over to Lindsey and Gerard. They looked up at him and he shuffled his feet.

"May I hold her?" Bill asked timidly. Lindsey smiled at the very nervous look on Bill's face. She simply melted for Bill, he was the youngest out of all of them and she could tell that she was going to baby him the entire tour.

Gerard stood up and handed Bandit over gently. "Careful."

Bill nodded, then gently tickled Bandit's stomach as the small child made regular baby noises. "Hello, there. Aren't you just so precious? Kleiner Schatz."

"What does that mean?" Lindsey asked, patting the couch next to her. Bill sat down as gently as he could and barely took his eyes from Bandit.

"It means small or little treasure. If you were to say it, you could say mein Schatz or meine Schatz."

Lindsey barely brushed Bandit's hair. "Mein Schatz, Bandit Lee."

Bill smiled. "You'll get German in no time, if you want to learn."

Lindsey smiled even wider and snuggled into Gerard. They were a picture-perfect couple, though they weren't exactly conventional. They'd never be the white picket fence type of family, but Lindsey was more than happy with that. She was glad to be part of a quirky family, one with a bunch of oddballs. She wouldn't have it any other way.

As Bill began to see Bandit's eyes droop, Jost and Rick walked back into the room. "Let's go, people, time for you to see your new house!"

~+~

"Kitty and Lindsey are the only ones who have a room already set up, and that's because they're the girls and they will have Bandit often. Everyone else, pair up! We have three rooms and six people, now go, fight for better rooms!"

Bill grabbed hold of Tom's wrist, which earned him an eye roll. "Well, duh."

They walked up the stairs after Jimmy and Steve, who were bounding up the stairs like excited schoolchildren. Jimmy opened the first door he saw and stepped inside.

"My room!" he declared before looking inside. When he saw a crib next to the wall, he turned around and walked out. "Not my room!"

Kitty laughed and pushed past Jimmy. "Yeah, off you go."

Soon everyone was settled and then Jimmy made the discovery to end all discoveries: a pool.

"Holy sex on toast with a bottle of champagne!" he screamed, wasting no time in pulling Kitty along to the pool area. Bill walked out onto the patio and watched them both jump into the lit blue pool, clothes and all.

Jimmy broke the surface and quickly swam to the edge, jumping out and running to the lawn. "Jesus Christ that's cold!"

Kitty swam gracefully over to the edge of the pool. "Would you rather it be hot from the sun?"

Bill thought she had a point. The Southern California sun that beat down over head made him very glad that he had skipped the sweatshirt. It was near one hundred degrees and Bill could feel it.

Kitty jumped up on the edge of the pool and pulled off a few items of clothing, including her top. The jeans stayed on, for which Bill was grateful. He didn't want to end up zoning out on her body, like he seemed to do frequently. Ass, boobs, crotch. Those were the three places he always inadvertently stared at.

"Gonna join us, Bill? Come on, it feels nice, totally good for beating the heat."

Bill shook his head. "No thank you, Kitty. It's too much of a hassle. I don't want to get all my clothes wet and I don't feel like getting my swimming shorts."

She scooted into the water. "Then can you move my clothes away from the water, please, and put them somewhere where they'll dry?"

"Of course."

Bill walked over to Kitty's shirt, shoes, and socks and picked them up. Kitty looked up at Bill, behind him, then pointed. "Bill, look out!"

Bill spun around a second too late. Jimmy had run up behind him and threw his body at Bill. Bill let go of Kitty's clothes out of instinct and, with the help of Jimmy's momentum, splashed loudly into the cold water.

Bill gasped in shock from the unexpected cold, accidentally swallowing enough water to fill a kiddy pool inhaling a little as well. He kicked away from Jimmy and hit the surface, taking in a deep breath and coughing as hard as he could. He grabbed the edge and crawled up on it, still coughing, standing on all fours.

Jimmy was laughing when he came up. "What'd Kitty say? Nice way to beat the heat, huh?"

Bill inhaled shakily and glared at Jimmy. Kitty had watched the entire thing, shocked.

"Oh, don't give me that look. You know you liked the water."

Bill stood up shakily and started wringing his shirt out. He didn't trust himself to speak, he didn't want to retaliate.

Jimmy's loud laugh sounded. "Nice tattoo on your hip, dude, what is it supposed to be, a jizz dartboard?"

That was it. Bill's eyesight was now permanently red and he needed to get out of there. He flipped Jimmy off, cursed him loudly in German, and started stomping towards the house.

Kitty swam over to Jimmy and wasted no time in dunking his head under the water. "What the hell was that for?" Jimmy spluttered when he came back up.

"That was so mean, Jimmy! That was low, even for you! Pranks are one thing, man, but insults like that? Fucked up."

She jumped out of the pool and followed Bill, leaving Jimmy there.

Bill stomped into the house, his eyes dark. Tom and Lindsey, who had been eating, stopped and looked at him.

"Dude, you okay? Why are you all wet?" Tom asked, concerned. Before Bill could get a word out and rant to his brother, he found out that water and a slick tile floor were not the best of friends. His foot shot out from underneath him and he landed hard on his back, creating a harsh, slapping sound when he hit. He rolled over onto his stomach, slammed his fist on the tile twice, and started swearing as loud as he could in German, stomping up the stairs.

Lindsey looked at Tom. "What just happened?"

Tom rubbed his eyes. "Ugh, he's pissed. Beyond pissed. What's past furious?"

"I don't think there is a past furious..."

"Well, Bill's there."

Kitty came running in, drenched as well. "Careful, don't slip!" Lindsey warned, pointing at the wet spot on the floor that once carried Bill's body.

"Jimmy was just totally an asshole! First he pushed Bill into the pool, which I can kind of see as funny, then he totally said the meanest thing about Bill's tattoo!"

Tom was on the defensive immediately, big brother mode locking in full. "Which one?"

Kitty looked at Tom. "He has more than one?"

"Yeah, the star, Freiheit on his arm, that fat phrase on his ribs, and the Tokio Hotel symbol on the back of his neck."

Kitty nodded and pointed to the waistband of her jeans. "That star one on, right here on his hip. Jimmy called it a jizz dartboard."

Lindsey gasped and looked at Tom, expecting to see him angry. He looked confused. "Jizz?"

"Come, semen, that sticky white stuff," Lindsey said, twisting a little on her spinning chair. There were four of the chairs around the center island in the kitchen.

Tom's eyes burned. "Insulting my brother's sexuality now? That asshole, I'll kill him!"

"No, no, don't. Just let this whole thing simmer. Kill him tomorrow at breakfast if he doesn't apologize," Kitty said, holding her hands up to stop Tom.

Tom nodded, and as Bill changed, the wheels in his mind turning. An idea jumped into his head, and only one person could help him: Steve.

~+~

That night, when everyone else had gone to bed, Bill forced himself awake and tiptoed gently out of his room, careful not to wake his brother. He made his way nearly fluidly down the stairs, a mere shadow, so glad that the stairs didn't creak.

He flipped on a single light in the kitchen and searched as silently as he could when he heard feet coming down the stairs. He flipped around quickly, panicked, then calmed down when he saw it was just Steve.

"Is he asleep?" Bill whispered quietly when Steve was next to him. Steve made an okay symbol with his fingers.

"World War Three next to his bed wouldn't wake him up. Now, come on, your payback is justified and seems very harsh and juvenile. A perfect combination. Let's go."

Steve turned on the water in the sink as Bill brought out a small sized glass bowl. Steve stuck two fingers under the water, declared it warm enough, and Bill started to fill the bowl. It was three-fourths of the way full when Steve turned the water off.

"Phase one, complete."

"Phase two, in operation," Bill said, holding the water steady as they exited the kitchen. Steve turned the light off and Bill let his eyes adjust before heading up the stairs. He was slow in his walk; he didn't want to trip and spill the water.

They made it to the top of the stairs, and Bill nodded. "Phase two, complete."

"Phase three, in operation."

They walked to the end of the hall where Steve and Jimmy were bunked. Steve opened the door as quietly as possible and gestured Bill inside. Steve wasn't lying. Jimmy was dead asleep, even snoring a little.

And his arm was flung off the bed, dangling there. Sweet perfection.

Bill walked gently over to Jimmy's bed, placed the bowl of water on his nightstand, and with delicate hands, lifted up his arm. He paused, his heart racing, when Jimmy stirred for a moment, holding in a long breath, but soon, Jimmy became silent once again and Bill let out the breath.

Carefully, he turned Jimmy's hand over and dipped his hand inside the water. He made sure the bowl wouldn't tip over and looked at Steve. "He doesn't move a lot during the night, does he?" he whispered as quietly as he could.

Steve shook his head. "He's pretty much a rock when he sleeps."

Bill sighed quietly. "Phase three, complete."

Steve held out a fist. Bill bumped his fist against Steve's. "Nice, man. Way sweet. Now get to sleep, wait for the fireworks."

"Thank you, Steve," Bill said, gently tiptoeing out of the room and trotting back to his room, where he jumped into bed, not caring if he woke Tom. He'd just go straight back to sleep anyway.

Bill felt his eyelids droop and he smiled. Payback was usually a cold bitch. This time, it was going to be warm. Very, very warm.