Ich Verspreche, Dass Ich Sie Nie Verletze

I was so scared. I ran up to the bathroom and locked the door. I dialed the number and he answered immediately.
“Hello?”
“Why the hell did you text me?”
“Hello to you to.”
“Shut up, how did you get my number?”
“That’s not important.”
“What do you want?”
“I want you to go on a date with me.”
“No.”
“Then I’ll come and get you.”
“You don’t know where I am.”
“Yes I do, you’re at a neighbors house.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Oh I am, am I?
“Yes, and if you don’t leave me alone I’ll call the police.”
“No you won’t.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Because then I would know exactly where you were if I didn’t already.”
“Just leave me alone.”
“Give me one more chance.”
“No, do you think I’m stupid? Why would I do something like that?”
“It’s one date; you can pick where we go and what we do and everything.”
“Well I pick we don’t go anywhere, we don’t do anything and that your not even there!”
“Ouch, that’s harsh, how about we go to a café or something and watch someone perform or something, you can pick where and who!”
“No, I can’t handle this, it’s too much stress, I mean Tom won’t even talk to me now, and it’s all your fault.” I lied hopping it would make him feel worse.
“How is it my fault if some loser won’t even talk to you?”
“He’s not a loser! He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me!”
“What about me?”
“You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me you ruined my life!”
“You don’t mean that you’re just a little PMSy, right now you’ll forgive me in a week.”
“No I won’t you ruined my life, I have no one left other than Tom! If you cared about me at all you wouldn’t have done those things to me and you wouldn’t have come back here!”
“Do what things? Anything I did was because you wanted me to.”
“Are you fucking insane? I never wanted to have sex with you and you knew it, so you fucking raped me. You pushed me around and beat on me! If you think I’m going anywhere with you you’re seriously delusional.”
“I never raped you, you didn’t try to stop it either you little slut, you’re just mad I ended it after that.”
“Yeah because me pushing you off of me and yelling for you to stop, that’s not trying to stop anything right? And I never talked to you after that until now, so really I you didn’t need to end it.”
“Whatever you’re just a little slut who thinks she can go out with who ever she wants to then when she puts out she says it was rape so she doesn’t look at bad.”
“You know full well that that isn’t true, since I stopped seeing you I went out with one person before Tom, and he beat me too, but I never had sex with him, he didn’t force me into things either, he was just an abusive loser!”
“You’re a filthy little whore! How dare you insult me?”
“Well instead of insulting you I’ll just do this.” I said angrily and hung up, and then I blocked his number, and made sure no unidentified calls would get through.
I went back downstairs to Bill, he looked worried and he obviously knew who I was talking to. I sat down next to him, tears started to fall from my eyes once again. I just couldn’t take it anymore I knew Bernhard was going to get his way, one way or another, he would abuse me again and there was no way I knew of escaping him completely. I wasn’t afraid of getting hurt; I’ve been hurt enough times to know what it feels like and to get over it because eventually I move on. What I was afraid of was Matt, Bill, Tom or any of them getting hurt, or more hurt in Tom’s case. I hated seeing the people I cared about in pain. I wish none of this had never happened. I wished the boys had never left Germany, and I wish Matt never spoke to me the day after everything happened with Bernhard. If none of that had happened I would have to worry about them now.
Bill was sitting there not sure what to say to comfort me. I can’t blame him I think I would be speechless too if I was him, he has never gone through this stuff. I stopped crying and just sat there for a while without saying anything. I decided to go to bed.
“Bill, I’m really tired I think I’m going to go upstairs and get some sleep, I’ve had a long day.”
“Okay, you definitely deserve some sleep after the day you’ve had. When do you want to leave for the hospital tomorrow?”
“I dunno 11.00, 11.30?”
“Sounds good.”
I walked up the stairs and pulled a t-shirt out of Tom’s top drawer and threw it on. I pulled out pair of shorts I had in my back and threw them on too, not that I really need them because the shirt went past my knees. I climbed into Tom’s bed and fell asleep almost instantly.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of Bill’s music coming from downstairs. I got dressed and all that jazz and went downstairs. Bill was doing some dishes and dancing around the kitchen. I burst out laughing at his outrageous moves. He took my hand and took me to the middle of the room and we both started dancing like the true crazy people we were. After we ate breakfast I grabbed one of Tom’s acoustic guitars and mine too and we waited for the car. While we were waiting I got really cold for some reason so I stole one of Tom’s huge sweaters. A few minutes later the car arrived and we drove to the hospital.
We went up to his room. I put the guitars down and hugged him. We talked about random stuff and the phone call I got last night.
”Nice sweater.” Tom said with a smirk.
“Oh, I know it’s really long and warm!” I said with a smile
“Oh did you bring both guitars?”
“Yup”
“You wanna play?”
“Of course.”
“Cool you want to pass me my guitar then?”
“I dunno, what’s in it for me?” I said sarcastically and handed him his guitar.
I took out my guitar and pick.
“What song do you want to play?” Tom asked.
“Why don’t you teach me one of your bands songs that way Bill can help by teaching me the words afterwards.”
“Which one?”
“You pick” I replied.
“How about ‘By Your Side’?” Bill said.
“Cool.”
Tom showed me the cords and the melody. Once I had it down Bill taught me the words while Tom played. Then after me and Bill sang while Tom and I played.
No one knows how you feel
No one there you’d like to see
The day was dark and full of pain
You write help with your own blood
Because Hope is all you’ve got
You open up your eyes but nothings changed

I don’t want to cause you trouble
Don’t want to stay too long
I just came here to say to you
Turn around, I am here
If you want it’s me you’ll see
Doesn’t count, far or near
I can hold you when you reach for me

Your life is meaningless
Your diary full of trash
It’s so hard to get along with empty hands
You’ve keep looking for the rainbow
But it died not long ago
It tried to shine for you until the end

I don’t want to cause you trouble
Don’t want to stay too long
I just came here to say to you
I am by your side
Just for a little while

Turn around I am here
If you want it’s me you’ll see
Doesn’t count, far or near
I can hold you when you reach for me

If the world you makes you confused
And your senses you seem to loose
If the storm doesn’t want to defuse
And you just don’t know what to do
Look around I am here
Doesn’t count far or near
I am By your side
Just for a little while

Turn around
Turn around
I am here
Turn around
Doesn’t count far or near
Turn around
If you want it’s me you’ll see
Turn around
I can hold you when you reach for me
Turn around I am here
Doesn’t count far or near
I am by your side
Just for a little while
We’ll make it if we try.
“Whoa that was really good, I didn’t know Raine could play that good.” Andreas said standing in the door way.
“Neither did I!” Georg agreed
“Me neither that was like awesome, she could replace you both.” Gustav said laughing, talking about Bill and Tom.
“Yeah and then we’d only have one front-person, she’s probably less diva-ish then Bill.” Georg agreed once again.
“And we wouldn’t have to worry about the guitarist and the singer fighting anymore, that would be pretty hard!” Gustav added.
“Gee thanks guys, we love you too!” Bill said as the rest of us laughed.
“Eh, I’m not one for bands, I like doing my own thing don’t worry, but it would be easier if I had like a drummer or something.”
“Well we’d lend you Gustav, but we kind of need him for our band.” Bill said.
“Plus Georg would get lonely with out the other ‘G’.” Tom added.
Everyone started laughing we could all tell by the look on Georg’s face he wasn’t super happy about that comment, but it was kind of true.
“Yes I would miss Gustav, but you could never replace a bassist as sexy as me!” Georg said sarcastically.
“I never said we would.” Bill said with a sigh.
“Oh Raine, play another song!” Andreas said cheerfully.
“I dunno” I said nervously.
“Please.” He whined again.
“Fine one song, but I’m choosing.” I said and picked up my guitar again.
‘Hey there I know it’s hard to feel
Like I don’t care at all
Where you are and how you feel
With these lights off as these wheels
keep rolling on and on…

Slow things down or speed them up
Not enough or way too much
How are you when I’m gone?

And I can’t make it on my own
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight or die
Because you kill me
You know you do you kill me well
You like it too and I can tell
Never stop until my final breath is gone

Spare me just three last words
I love you is all she heard
I’ll wait for you, but I can’t wait forever

Spare me just three last words
I love you is all she heard
I’ll wait for you, but I can’t wait forever

And I can’t make it on my own
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight or die
Because you kill me
You know you do you kill me well
You like it too and I can tell
You never stop until my final breath is gone

You know you do you kill me well
You like it too and I can tell
You never stop until my final breath is gone

So cut my wrist and black my eyes
My final breath is gone
I slowly die

And I can’t make it on my own
Because my heart is in Ohio
So cut my wrists and black my eyes
So I can fall asleep tonight or die
Because you kill me
You know you do you kill me well
You like it too and I can tell
Never stop until my final breath is gone

You know you do you kill me well
You like it too and I can tell
Never stop until my final breath is gone’
I put my guitar down next to me and took a second to breathe.
“Oh my god I just got a great idea!!” Bill yelled excitedly.
“What?” Georg and Gustav asked in unison.
“Raine should be the opening performance to our shows!” Bill exclaimed.
“Yeah that’s a great idea!” Georg replied.
“I don’t know about that…I mean I already have some guy stalking me here, I don’t think I want him to follow me around with you guys, plus I’m not as good as you guys say I am.” I argued nervously.
“Well I’d feel better if you were with us rather than here when we’re gone. And actually you’re not nearly as bad as you think you are, you might even be better than me on acoustic.” Tom said.
“That’s sweet but, what about school I have to graduate, I can’t afford to miss anything.” I said trying to convince them that Bill’s great idea wasn’t so great.
“We have the teachers email us everything, and we have online tutors.” Bill said.
“But what would my dad say? He doesn’t even let me out past 9.30, even if I’m performing at one of the coffee houses.” I replied.
“Well this is an American tour not some stupid coffee house, he has to let you, and if he doesn’t you’ll come anyways.” Tom said.
“Yeah but then I’ll get kicked out of the house and I won’t even have anything left by the time I get back home.” I said nervously.
“Well you’re already staying with us because of this Bernhard person so you can stay with us when we’re not on tour. It’s not like our parents are ever home. They still kinda live in Germany.” Bill said.
“But I couldn’t just move to your house, that would be imposing, I couldn’t do that. Plus my dad would know exactly where I am, come get me and drag me back home, just to kick me out.”
“And if he does you come live with us officially.” Bill said.
“I just don’t think that’s a good idea.” I said trying to sound sure about it.
“It’s a good idea, and you know it you’re just trying to find excuses to stay here. Please, come with us, either you come with us and perform or you come with us just to be there with us.” Tom said making sure I was going to be away from here not matter what.
“But I haven’t even written any good songs I just play songs by bands that I like; I think if I went on tour I would have to find my own material.”
“Then I’ll help you write.” Bill said.
“There is no way in hell I’m getting out of this is there?” I asked almost admitting defeat.
“Nope, you’re coming with us whether you like it or not.” Tom declared pulling me into a hug.
“Fine, I’ll do it I guess, but I’m going to have to start getting my stuff out of my dad’s house like ASAP.” I said hugging him back.
“Cool, guys go with her to help move her stuff to our house, I would help but I’m kinda stuck here for now.”
“Okay, come on.” Bill said herding the group of guys to the door.
“My dad should be at work, but we still need to hurry.” I remarked as we left.
We got into the car and drove to my house. We all went up stairs to my room and grabbed everything and put it into various backpacks and other bags I had collected. I searched the house for more of my stuff as the other guys put the stuff I had already into the car. I didn’t find much. But I took a picture of my mother, my sister and I back home in Germany. I took what I had found and threw it in my school bag and ran out to the car. It was almost 4.00 which is around when my father would be getting home.
We drove around the block, yes I know a waste of gas, but you try convincing those four to ‘just carry it’. We brought everything into Bill and Tom’s house and put in near the guest room. The guys cleared it out and decided that they would finish painting it tomorrow so I would have a nice room to sleep in. No matter how hard I tried to convince them they didn’t have to they insisted on it and I was too tired to argue.
~*~*~*A few days later*~*~*~
Tom had been released from the hospital and the other guys, with little help from Bill, had finished painting the guest room where I would be staying. That night Matt was performing at a local coffee shop and he wanted me to come watch him. The guys wouldn’t let me go unless they came with me so I was forced to bring them along. That night we got there and I insisted we sat near the front so Matt would see me.
“I’m pretty sure he’ll see you, you’re with me and Bill, there’s no way he could miss that!” Tom said as we sat down.
Matt went on a few minutes after we got there, and sure enough he saw me and waved. Of course I waved back. We sat there while he performed a few songs he had written and then he went on to a few cover songs. After one of his songs a strange look crept across his face and decided to play a different song than he had originally planed.
“I want to dedicate this song to one of my favorite people in the entire universe, my best friend, Raine.” He said with a smile, just then I saw a small tear roll down from the corner of his eye.
‘Hey girl you know you drive me crazy,
One word puts the rhythm in my head
Still won’t ever understand why you hang around
I see what’s going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror
Tell yourself it’s never gonna happen again
You’ll cry alone and that he swears he loves you

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground
Well I’ll tell you my friend one day this world’s go to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
Every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wait around forever you will surely drown
I see what’s going down

I see the way you go and say your right oh god
Say your right oh god, head my lecture

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground
Well I’ll tell you my friend one day this world’s go to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found…

One day she will tell you that she has had enough,
Its coming ‘round again
One day she will tell you that she has had enough,
Its coming ‘round again

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground
Well I’ll tell you my friend one day this world’s go to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found

Face down in the dirt she said “this doesn’t hurt”
She said “I’ve finally had enough”
Face down in the dirt she said “this doesn’t hurt”
She said “I’ve finally had enough”

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
He’s coming ‘round again

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground
Well I’ll tell you my friend one day this world’s go to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Well I’ll tell you my friend one day this world’s go to end
As your lies crumble down a new life she has found
Face down in the dirt she said this doesn’t hurt

She said she’s finally hurt enough.’
Everyone applauded Matt’s performance. I couldn’t believe the look in his eyes as he sang it. There was sympathy and pain towards me and anger and rage towards Bernhard, who, I had now realized, walked into the café just before he sang that last song. How did he know I would be here?
“For the next song I would really like it if Raine, the person I dedicated that last song came up and played with me.” Matt said looking at me.
Tom and Bill pushed me towards the stage. I was really confused. The café owner had put another stool on the stage and Matt handed me one of his extra guitars.
“What song are we playing Matt?” I whispered in his ear.
“How about ‘Because Of You’? I know you like that song.” He whispered back.
"Not really, it’s so pop-ish and girly.” I whispered again.
“So, just start playing.” He replied.
“Fine.”
We started to play the music to ‘Because of You’ By Kelly Clarkson; I never really liked that song so I don’t know why he wanted to play it
I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the side walk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt.
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me,
But everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way,
And it’s not too long before you pointed out
I cannot cry,
Because you know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break,
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the side walk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt.
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die,
I heard you cry,
Every night in your sleep
I was so young,
You should have known,
Better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else,
You just saw your pain
And know I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray to far from the side walk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt.
Because of you
I try my hardest just to flunk in everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life,
My thoughts are tempting
Because of you I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
I felt a few tears roll down my cheeks as I realized how much I connected with those lyrics. I remembered Bernhard crying at night sometimes after his mom died. That’s also when he became more abusive, he did only see his pain not the pain he was causing me.
I saw Bernhard get up angrily. Matt pushed me back stage before Bernhard noticed and closed the door. I heard yelling coming from Matt. I heard Tom, Bill and the rest of them yelling angrily, either in English or in German. I could faintly make out what was being said.
“Where the hell is that slut?!” I heard Bernhard yell angrily.