Boy Proof

By the time I had gotten home, I was fuming. Stupid, stupid Devin. For all the time we had known each other, for all the time he knew exactly what I was thinking before I even opened my mouth and said it, he was being really, really dense. Couldn’t he see what I really wanted?

No, I answered myself. No, he can’t. How can he if you don’t even know what you want?

And what did I want? To be his friend? To be his girlfriend? To avoid the problem entirely and move to Antarctica, freeze my butt off, and study penguins?

I honestly didn’t know. On the one hand, I could just accept that I had lost Devin forever. On the other, I could fight for him – to not give up until he was in my arms. But then, on the other third nonexistent extra hand, I could go back to being his friend -- to being ignored by Devin and glared at by Holly – until he gave up on this latest girlfriend.

But then, I countered, what if Holly wasn’t just the latest in a string of failed relationships? What if she stuck? What if she didn’t screw up and hurt him, prompting Devin to break up with her? What if they stayed together? Got engaged? Married? Had ten kids and gave them everything?

I couldn’t have that, could I? I couldn’t do nothing -- couldn’t do nothing and let him end up with a poorly Xeroxed copy of myself.

And yet . . . what could I do? Confess my love – or just my friendship? Kill Holly and send her corpse express shipping to Mexico?

It was times like these that I wished I hadn’t spent my life avoiding female companionship. If I hadn’t, I’d have a girl friend who could possibly tell me what to do. As it was, I was in for the long haul alone. For who’d I tell? Shaun? He couldn’t possibly help me.

I sighed. There was no way out of it. As much as I wanted this to be over with, it wouldn’t end until it was somehow over. And that didn’t seem like it would happen any time soon.