I Could Use Somebody in this Windy City

That night, I asked Jon the most important question, was he completely over Heidi.

He said no.

I said no.

Things in the house turned into World War Three.

I stabbed the pasta on my plate a few times, then stuffed it into my mouth, sending a death glare across the table. Pat and Jon were trying to have a conversation over dinner, but with my constant glares, Jon would need to retaliate and would glare back causing him to miss a good portion of whatever Pat was saying. Finally, after a good two seconds, Jon stood up, slamming his chair into the table making Pat jump. He pointed to me and took a deep breath.

“I’m not dealing with you anymore. Why couldn’t you..”, He trailed off realizing Pat was right next to him. It’s not that Jon didn’t trust Pat, he just didn’t trust the rest of the team, and Pat’s mouth was rather large. Things people tell him slipped out on a daily basis. It was like he had a woman’s perspective on secrets.

“Oh, me! I screamed and copied Jon’s action now slamming my chair into the table making Pat jump again. “I’m not the one still madly in love with my super slutty ex!”, I screamed and pushed his finger out of my face. “Oh, Heidi, come here sit down and let me totally engulf myself in you and your fake boobs while my girlfriend could go and kill herself and I wouldn’t even care”

“Don’t make me sound like the bad guy”

“Well I can since you are!”, My voice broke a new level of anger and I found myself wanting to keep talking, spilling everything out to him about how stupid this whole thing was and how wrong I was to even think I would ever be able to put up with something such as himself, but I couldn’t. Pat would tell the guys, and soon everyone would know that Jon’s relationship was on the rocks, or worse, we weren’t really ‘together’.

Silence swept over the room and I watched as Jon took a step back from the table and ran his fingers through his short hair. “I think I give up”, he left his hands in the air, as his eyes slowly made their way to mine.

I suddenly I bit my tongue and walked away from the table back to the room Jon and I shared. I sat down on the bed and let out a heavy sigh, throwing my body back, my head crashing against a pillow.

There were a few knocks, but I ignored them. Once they went off again, I shoved my head under a pillow just as the door opened. “We need to talk. Get up”, Jon ordered the door slamming behind him. As usual, I didn’t listen to him and just stayed silent under the pillows. “Please”

“Fuck you, and Fuck this idea”

“Jayden, come on”

“Everything’s going back to the way it was. It was a huge mistake on my part to even want to have anything with you”, my mind immediately started kicking itself as the words poured from my mouth. “You’re not ready for a relationship, and I don’t need one, so let’s just get through these weeks, and then just leave”

I left the room before Jon could say anymore. As I returned to the kitchen, I was met by pat with a confused and angry look plastered onto his face. He looked up at me, then down and mumbled a few things under his breath, after that, he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the front door. He motioned for me to go outside. The door opened and he walked out following me with two hoodies. It was later on in the day, and it was one of the chillier days in Chicago.

Sitting down on the porch, he took a few steps in front of me and turned, rubbing his cheek as he looked down angry. “Heidi had a child”, I felt the blood in my veins start to boil. “She cheated on Jon when they were going out, and the father of the baby left”, my hands involuntarily gripped onto the step and held tightly. “Jon proposed to her, but she said no because of his job, and because she cheated on him again”, I stood up and ran my fingers through my hair, roughly pulling them out and pacing back and forth in front of the house. This was one of the rare times where my anger was so bad, I couldn’t control it.

“Who the fuck does she think she is?”, I screamed and as if on queue, a car pulled up and Lori walked out, Heidi walking out of the passenger seat. Instead of leaving me alone, pat came over to me and gave me a big hug, whispering that if I tried to do anything involving Heidi and harm, he would punch me. I decided to not take my chances and I planted my feet firmly on the ground, glaring at her as she ran into the house screaming Jon’s name in a fake desperate voice.

There were a few loud voices, and I felt Pat’s arms loosen around me. Taking the chance, I walked inside to see Lori smiling into my room. When I got next to her, I turned to look in the room and felt tears well up in my eyes.

“… I made a mistake. Jon, I love you. I sh-”, I felt everything in my body shut down as Jon’s eyes were filled with happiness and his smile was one I have never seen. “Please Jon, take me back”, I watched them intently, their voices echoing through my head in a painful kind of way. As the room spun a little, Jon nodded his head and they kissed. With that, I stumbled down the hall and out of the door. Once Pat saw me, he wrapped me back into a hug and let me cry all of my tears into his shoulder.

Eventually we had to sit down because Pat couldn’t hold me up anymore and no matter how hard I tried, my muscles wouldn’t let me stand on my own. Eyes pouring out tears, and hands shaking, I sat there, the Windy City beating me with it’s notorious cold wind. Hours passed, or so I thought, as I just sat there. Soon my limbs were asleep and I couldn’t find the courage or energy to pick my head up anymore.

Pat left a little while after I realized my head wouldn’t go up on it’s own. He gave me a hug and a few kisses on the cheek, but none of it registered against my skin. All I remembered was him walking down the street, looking back at me, and shaking his head. I felt useless and I was more than embarrassed. I loved Jon, no matter what he would do to me, or however much he loved Heidi. I don’t care what they went through or what I went through, I loved Jon and now I had absolutely no chance whatsoever.

Lori arrived next to me as the sun went down and I sat there in the dark. Hand on my back she whispered something to me that made the muscle in my body start to wake. “I don’t want him and her to be together again”, she sighed heavily. “She’s a nice friend, but I don’t trust her. I mean, she’s a compulsive lying whore”, I stared mouth slightly open at Lori. Lori was one of the few people on the Earth that could be the most honest nicest person, then turn and totally rip someone apart like no one has herd before.

“I think I should leave”, I whispered, immediately regretting it. I knew I didn’t want to, but my heart was telling me to leave and get out of this mess. I didn’t need any more drama between Heidi and I. I had the incident with Leo earlier this week, and I was about to implode.

Lori nodded and stood up, taking my hand in hers and pulling my aching body to my feet. I staggered a little but quickly regained my balance and walked straight to my room where Jon and Heidi were talking on the bed. They stopped once they saw me. Jon’s eyes blew up as he looked at me walking over to the dresser. “Jayden, what are you doing?”, Jon sapped quickly. He didn’t move from the bed.

“I’m leaving. You have her now”, I said in a stale whisper that had a good sharp edge to it.

“Jayden”, he stood up and grabbed my shoulders. The small ounces of hope I had in my body were crushed as he spoke, “The press and guys only know about you. We can’t just act for a little-”, a little bit of my anger seeped through and exploded into the air as I slammed the draw shut and turned to Jon, eyes flaming with anger.

“I have a life Jon. I have a mind and feelings. I’m not an actress, I’m a human being”, he took a step back from me and stared. “Sick. I am sick of acting for you. This is no more. You’re just going to have to suck it up and grow a pair and tell all your little friends that you had to be a dick and get someone to act as your fiancé. Well no look, you have one, so go have fun, and leave me the fuck alone because out of all the boyfriends or guys I had things with, you were by far the biggest asshole out of all of them”, I screamed and turned to Lori. “Drive me to Leo’s house, now”, I ordered and listened as Jon rambled something off about that, but he was too slow.

Lori and I were in the car when my true feelings came out and tears I didn’t even knew I had rolled down my cheek as the car’s engine roared to life. “He never loved me, Lori”, I cried into my hands, hard sobs coming through my throat and echoing through the silent car. “He just lied to me the whole time. He never did, Lori”

“I’m sorry, Jayden”, Lori whispered as the car rolled along the smooth pavement in town. “I didn’t know this was all going to happen”, her voice faltered. She hit the steering wheel with the palm of her hand, then sighed heavily and stopped the car. “We’re back at my place, I’m not stupid enough to take you to Leo”, she snapped and let out a heavy sigh. My eyes looked up and caught sight of the house where Lori stayed.

She told me as we walked to the door that I could stay in the guest room for now, and that tomorrow we would go get my job back, and get all of my clothes, then everything would go back to normal. There were only two things I didn’t like about that. One; I didn’t want things to go back to normal. Two; I was, and still is, in love with Jonathan-fucking-Toews.

Yeah, I may have hated him a few times, but after everything I was in love with him.

Instead of staying up and watching Friday the 13th with Lori, I went straight to bed and curled up in my sheets, trying to keep my mind off of Jon.

After hours of thinking about him, I found myself sitting in the middle of my bed, drawing random objects on my sheets with my finger as I kept thinking about him. Thoughts of Jon and I whirled in my head. How we could’ve gone out if I could’ve just said yes. How we could be together. How I could be in a nice house, with Jon’s nice friends. How I could have friends.

Sleep came to me, but only lasted a few hours. Five to be exact. I fell asleep at six, woke up at eleven, and without a shower or a change of clothes into something more comfortable, Lori dragged me down to the coffee shop where Ifirst met Jon used to work. That was the only thing of any significance about that place, I used to work there. Nothing else was important.

“MS. TOEWS”, Leon laughed as I walked into the store alone. Lori stood outside on the phone with her brother. Arms flailing, I knew she was on my side with this one. “How’s everything going, love?”, Leon took me into a hug and kissed my cheek as a few people looked over at me.

“I need my job back”, I said in a small sigh and watched Leon’s face turn into a frown as his eyes scanned mine quickly. “We’re done. Whatever, I need my job back”, I huffed and looked up at Leon with a small attitude. Leon’s smile widened and he nodded, his eyes sad.

“Anything love. Just glad to see you got your attitude back”, I nodded and followed Leon to the back where he gave me my old apron and check in card back. “Kept these just in case. Guess I was right”, he took me into a hug without warning and sighed heavily. “You just can’t catch one, can you?”, I shook my head and stood there as Leon kept me in his arms.

When he let me go, he informed me that I would start tomorrow on my regular schedule. Nodding, I walked out of the coffee shop, head hanging down. Lori looked over at me and sighed disappointed. Without any words, we walked to her car and I got in the passengers seat.

I knew where we were going now although Lori made the decision not to tell me. The roads were familiar, the signs and houses rang bells, and the street signs were getting closer and closer to the one I never, ever, ever, wanted to turn back down.

Luckily, there was a little afternoon traffic that gave me some time to breathe and work on keeping myself composed as I sat in that dreaded house and packed all of my things while she was there. When I first met her, I didn’t like her. Now that I know everything, I hate her more than anyone I know, and Jon just as much.

I’m not mad at Jon for taking Heidi over me.

The thing is, that if she was the perfect person she seemed to be at first, I wouldn’t be as mad. Jon did deserve someone better than me. I smoked, I was going absolutely no where in life, and my looks had no comparison to Heidi’s. But I didn’t treat Jon like shit in the past. Sure, we hated each other, but I never hurt him. I never cheated on him, or even thought about it. I know what it feels like.

How Jon could take something like he back so quickly made me sick. How could he, one of the best NHL players in the league, be some sad little low-self-esteem scared little kid? Sure we’re young, only nineteen. But honestly, if all of that happened, how could you just take her back? How could you put that all in the past, and take her back like nothing ever happened?

We arrived at the house and Jon and Sharp’s car were parked in the driveway. Luckily for me, Sharp was just walking up to the door, and when he saw me, he walked over to the car with a huge smile o his face and waited for me to walk next to him.

“You seem tired”

“You’ll find out soon enough, Sharpie”, Lori sighed and put her arm around his shoulders. Confused, Sharp turned to me, but I just looked down and locked my fingers together to stop myself from falling apart psychically and mentally. I knew it was going to be hard just leaving all of these guys like this and knowing Jon was going to get hurt again.

Once you cheat, you will always cheat. No matter who, what, where, when, and why. A cheater never stops cheating.

We entered the house to see Jon and Heidi cuddling together on the couch. When Sharp walked in, he went to yell when Jon stood up and quickly explained everything, every time he said my name I felt more and more of my self fall into pieces.

“We were acting”

“So you never loved her”

“Basically”, Jon muttered and gave me a quick glance. I kept my eyes down, a slow shake starting in my hands. I knew he never loved me, but I never knew he could’ve just came out with it so easily. He should be an actor because he has me fooled.

Heidi came over and looked at me, a strange glitter in her eyes, “You’re things are all packed”, she jerked her thumb to the suitcase and bag in the corner. “I had to put my things away and you were leaving so..”, I nodded, the shake in my body spreading.

“I got these, Jay-Baby”, Sharp whispered and walked passed me and out of the front door with my things.

Thankfully, Heidi didn’t stay nearby for the little ‘goodbye’ thing Lori had set up with her giving Jon a death glare, and him blabbering onto me that if I ever needed anything he would help me. Although he looked and sounded sincere, I knew he was lying and saying this because of his sister.

With a burst of energy, I put my hand over his mouth.

“I will never need your help. All you do is make things worse.”, the words cut right through him like I wanted them to. “You’re a horrible person, and I hope she knows that”, I whispered motioning to Heidi in the kitchen. “I suppose she’s not much better than you though”, his cheeks were tainted pink. As I looked into his eyes, I couldn’t tell if he was angry, or just embarrassed because he knew I was right.

“I still love you, Jay”, he whispered. The way he said it, and the way he looked at me, I knew he was just doing this to make me feel better. I know the techniques people used to make someone obviously not feeling well feel better. After everything I’ve been through, I as sick of that.

“Save it”, I snapped and pressed my lips to Jon‘s as I watched his girlfriend peer in. After I pulled away, I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. “If you ever need to get some random chick to be your fake fiancé. I would stay far away from me”, the words came out easier than I ever thought they would. When I turned around, I face Sharp, Kane, and Lori, who was eagerly waving me to follow her.

Leaving Jon with two extremely confused teammates and a fuming girlfriend in the kitchen, I got into Lori’s car and slammed the door shut, getting ready to go back into the life I was always destined to have.

Alone, poor, and angry.