I Could Use Somebody in this Windy City

“Jon, babe”, I cringed as the word slipped through my teeth, “Can I talk to you in the bedroom for a second”, he nodded and with a round of ‘oh’s from the guys, we walked to the bedroom. I let him walk in first then I followed behind him, quietly shutting the door. “What the fuck?” I barked angrily, keeping my voice down so the guys couldn’t hear me. I may have hated Jon at the moment, but that was no reason to have this little ‘scheme’ fall through.

“I was going to tell you”, I stared at him and growled ‘when’. He didn’t snap back at me with an answer, his soft brown eyes wandered around the room, looking over ever object in the room, then he looked back to me and hung his head down, lightly scratching the back of his neck. That was just a normal things for guys, I’ve learned, they always do that.

No answer was spoken. We just stood there, my eyes tearing him apart as his eyes were glued to his shoes, a strong red staying firmly on his cheeks, no matter how many times he put his hands over them or shut his eyes, taking deep breaths, they were still blazing red.

“You two alright in there?” I herd Pat’s voice mock through the wooden door.

“We’re fine” I scoffed and turned my back to the boy, walking over to my suitcase and grabbing things I needed to go take a shower. Now that I had nothing on my mind besides killing Jon, I remembered I was due for a shower, and now would be the perfect time. I get to hide from these guys, and at the moment, that’s all I wanted.

“I’m taking a shower” I huffed and turned to the door, opening it, the three boys ran down the hallway, pushing the other into the wall. When they turned the corner, there was a loud crash, and I stood there laughing as Jon rushed down the hallway and around the turn. The second he disappeared, he started yelling.

Chuckling lightly, I walked down the hall opening every door until I came to the bathroom, three doors away from the bedroom.

It was a huge bathroom. The walls were a deep red, the cabinets were a creamy white that matched the trim on the walls and the tile behind the sink. A huge mirror hung over the sink stretching the whole wall. The counter that contained the sink was a dark granite that matched the floor. Across from the sink laid the toilet, and a few steps away from the toilet was a bathtub that at first I thought was a Jacuzzi. Then tucked away in the corner was a shower that looked like it could fit three people inside, or more. The doors were frosted and the towels were set neatly on a table next to the ’bathtub’. The room felt bigger than my whole entire apartment.

As the jealousy rushed through my veins I changed and turned on the shower and stepped inside as the steam took over the room, warming me to a comfortable temperature. The water beat down on my skin and all I could do was smile; relax. Here, no one could bother you. Here, your only worry was trying to get all the soap out of your hair.

Out there… There were just to many things going on.

Everyone needs a break. A shower’s a break. So if you look at it, I’m taking a ‘shower’ from my life. So I’m acting a while to stay in a nice place and not worry about money. It’s just a break.

“You’re going to use all of my hot water!”, Jon snapped and hit the door causing me to jump. With all of my relaxing I completely forgot about the fact Jon and his three ‘friends’ were still in the same house. Now that my relaxation was shattered I grabbed the shampoo sitting on the shower and started cleaning my hair, the water getting increasingly colder as the minutes ticked by.

I smiled as my shower came to an end and the water was now, at it’s hottest, a Luke warm. I wished Jon had to take a shower and he had to take it in that cold water just for not telling me about my ’extension’. I threw my dirty clothes in the hamper, cleaned up some water on the floor making most of the towels wet, and opened the door.

I walked out of the bathroom in my pajama’s my wet hair kept over my left shoulder. I let out a long yawn and stretched my arms as I walked into the living room getting looks as I set my body down on the open couch cushion next to Jon. “What’s the problem?” I asked as I looked around at everyone.

“You’re showing off your girlish figure around man whores”, Jon whispered in my ear and put his arm around my shoulders slightly pulling me into him making it look like we were cuddling but we really weren’t.

“I just like to piss you off” I whispered back into the air and watched a the guys stay eyes connected to the television screen.

“Can’t we just call a truce until you leave?”

“Never”, I huffed and leaned in closer to him as Pat’s eyes wandered over to us. Him and I met in a gaze, and a few seconds later, we looked away, his cheeks flaring up with red. Jon looked from him to me, then sunk down lower in the couch and put his head on my shoulder. He shut his eyes and let out an angry sigh. As a the boys looked over, I rested my head on his and smiled, making believe I was enjoying actually cuddling with this thing.

The television rolled on with colors and words that meant nothing to me. After time, I grew comfortable with Jon leaning against me. I hate to admit it, so much I’d rather chop my tongue off, but I liked having someone to just blob with. I loved the fact that I could have someone make believe they actually loved me.

That is pathetic. I like when people ‘make believe’ they love me.

Maybe if I wasn’t such a bitch, people would like me.

Maybe I’d have a real boyfriend.

“How could you like something like that!” Pat barked at the television as some blonde girl ran up to a boy, that was basically the opposite from the girl, and kissed him. I watched as Pat’s eyes roared with fire, then died down as I assume he realized he was getting mad at a girl through the television screen.

“And you were calling Toews pathetic”, Kris snapped as Brent snickered from next to him. As the push to defend him grew, I felt the warmth of Jon’s arms around my waist. My first reaction was to punch him in the face, stand up, and walk away, but I didn’t. I sunk down lower in the couch and smiled. The sick disgusting, completely gut wrenching part about that was, It was real.

He was comfortable. He was a good at cuddling. As the smile lingered on my lips, I realized I liked Jon like a human being when he didn’t talk. Somehow, when he spoke, he just said the wrong thing. Silent, he was perfectly fine in my book. He was actually more than fine.

My eyes snapped open and I squirmed making the brown haired boy on my shoulder sit up and rub his eyes stretching his arms. He looked at me and gave me a small smile as I felt my stomach flip mercilessly. My mouth opened and I muttered something about going to bed, at least I hope that’s what I said. I really couldn’t tell you. All I knew was that I found something about him attractive, and once that happens, nothing about this little scheme will be easy. I’m not about to fuck over my one chance at a ‘living in luxury’ five months.

No, No, No.

I found myself lying on the comfortable bed. The sheets underneath me were cold making the room all the more comfortable for me. The weight on my eyelids forced them to shut, but I didn’t fall asleep. I just lay there, motionless, trying to sort out my freaking out thoughts. Every part about me knew I couldn’t like this boy. Every part about me was shocked I could think he was. As I tried to use the excuse I was tired, I realized I was wide awake. I wanted to say I was drunk, but I didn’t drink. There was no explanation for the strange feeling I newly obtained for him.

“The guys are staying over”, Jon’s voice echoed through the room. The sound of the door shutting took the place of his voice being the noise in the room. After that, he babbled on about how they would probably play some stupid, childish, immature prank on us as we were sleeping.

I kept my eyes shut, afraid to look at his face and figure out what I thought was attractive about him. “Are you going to lay in the middle of the bed so I can’t lay down, or can you be nice enough to move?”, he asked yawning. I opened my eyes and looked up at him, his face stuck in a yawn, his brown eyes slightly closed, I felt my heart pound in my chest.

Great, it’s his whole face.

Jon laid down in the bed as I was curled up on the opposite side of him. My stomach was still twisting. It made my thoughts grow foggy as well as my mind. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell anyone. Imagine telling Lori I had a possible crush on her brother. It’d either be bloodshed or a string of never ending awes.

I had to stay silent.

“Are you going to stay all the way over there, in the cold, just about ready to fall off of the bed?” Jon asked sitting up and turning the night table light out making the room completely dark, which I hated. The creeks of the bed echoed in the room and I couldn’t even find the outline of his figure in the dark. I just herd the shuffling and moving. In the dark, I felt him right next to me, so I moved my hand over to where I thought he was. Sure enough, he was there. I pressed the palm of my hand against what felt like his chest.

“I’m hoping this is you”, I whispered. His answer was his hand taking mine off and setting it down on the bed. For a second I thought my heart beat was audible besides in my own head. The erratic beating on my rib cage drove me crazy. It shook my body with every beat, and it made my thoughts more foggy, which I never thought was possible.

“Can you see?”, I shook my head. A few creeks and shuffles later, the light was on and Jon was sitting right next to me, his eyes fixed on mine. He was in a tee and his boxers.

He was obviously trying to make my heart beat to the point where it just stopped.

I looked at him, as he looked at me. We spoke no words, nor moved. His eyes were suddenly confused, as were mine, and my nervous habits started picking up. Shaky leg, biting my nails, and balling my right hand into a fist, and rubbing my knuckles against the palm of my left hand. He started looking around the room, his fingers lightly tapping his forearm. I guessed those were his nervous habits, because that was the only emotion present in his eyes at the moment.

“Are you going to come back to bed?” I asked looking down at the peeled back bed sheets. The boy didn’t answer me, but moved back over to the bed and laid down in the spot he was in before the lights were shut off. The room fell silent as there was a snicker from behind the door making my heart skip a beat. Jon sat up and pulled me into him with one arm, then leaned back and shut the light off. I quickly turned on my side and curled up into him, my body fitting snugly against his.

“Sorry, Jayden”

“Call me Jay”, this wasn’t the time to bug him about nicknames, but I thought back to the other times he said my name, and I could bring one time back. “Sorry.”, I said quickly.

“Jay, just shut your eyes and go to sleep”, he said as the nerves exploded in my back from his arms tightly wrapped around me pressing him into his chest tried to pull me closer. The door opened and I quickly shut my eyes, taking a deep breath, the smell of Jon’s shirt calming my nerves that were extremely on edge.

There was a loud rustling noise, then it was silent, and all you could hear were small, whispering, voices. “Are they sleeping together?”, I felt a hand travel over me, then over Jon. “Yeah”, the same voice answered itself. “They’re all cuddly”, it chuckled.

“I never thought he really had one”, the deeper voice sighed. “Glad he does though. Having a chick to come back home too always makes you feel better after a tough loss or what not, right Kane?”

“Oh shut it Kris!”, the first voice, now labeled Pat, snapped. “It’s not my fault I can’t get whoever I like”, he roared. Soon after that was a loud slap of skin on skin, then a painful grown. “I’m not going to wake them up”, Pat snapped and there was more audible movement.

“Stop!”, the last voice, who I assumed was Brent snapped. “They’re cuddling and asleep. We are suppose to be going to bed. We have practice tomorrow. Can we please just go to sleep. You two are like-”

“Oh shut it”, the two voices snapped. After a few harsh words, a slap, and a threat, the door shut and the loud, pounding footsteps echoed off down the hall until they dissipated into the air. I felt as Jon’s grip slowly loosened on me. I knew he was only doing this because they came in.

My body jerked back from his, but only moved maybe a centimeter. The arms still around me locked and kept me from moving much further from the body they were attached to. I went to whisper something informing me that he could let me go, but my new love for his cuddling killed my vocal chords, and I found myself relaxing in his arms, eyes shut, spine tingling with a sensation I haven’t felt in years.

“Goodnight, Jon”, I whispered and shut my eyes as his half asleep voice slurred a goodnight at me. His arms pulled me a little closer, as I drifted asleep against Jon’s chest.

* * *

The morning was a painful wake-up. I was pried off of Jon’s comfortable chest by two sets of hands. My body rolled back onto the cold side of the bed, as the two boys that pulled me jumped on Jon, sending him screaming to the floor with a thud. “You alright, Jon?” I called rubbing my eyes. Slowly, I regained my memory from last night, and the whole scheme, and felt stupid. I actually cared that he rolled off the bed.

Yes, because I find him attractive

All of the gears started turning in my head, and I shut my eyes. Falling back into the pillow, the boys kept torturing Jon on the floor. “Jay! Jay! Help me!”, I herd him call out, but I didn’t move to help him, or even think about moving to help him. I was far too caught up in my own thoughts, and these thoughts I wanted to go through.

If I do end up falling for him, what’s going to happen when I need to leave? What if I end up getting over this and he falls for me? What if we both like each other, but we don’t let each other know? What if we really do go out? What if we start kissing for the press, and I still have these feelings for him, then we go our separate ways after June? What am I going to tell Lori? What am I going to do when this is all over?

The last question spooked me the most. I was all for living in the moment, but none of my moments were financial life and death situations. They were usually go here or there, do this or that, say this or that, Never now you have no job and you might lose everything you have because you fake-dated someone.

“Jay!”, Jon jumped on the bed and landed on the left part of my body, making a few bones ache that usually ached in the cold or when pounded anyway. “Make them stop!”, he yelled like a four year old. I watched him as he kicked and swatted the boys away as they repeatedly pounded on him, laughing. I never really understood guy humor too much. “Jay!”, he pulled me over to him and held me in front of him like a shield.

I told him to calm down and for the boys to stop, which they did and crawled off of the bed, staring at us with smug smiles on their faces. That’s when I realized how close Jon and I were. Our noses, when facing each other, were just about touching. The abnormally fast heart rate from last night picked up in my rib cage and I found myself screaming in my mind. Screaming to back away, but what would that tell the guys, they think we’re getting married. I can’t let them know, then everything will get fucked up.

Jon and I made eye contact finally and I watched as he froze under pressure. Again, I had to save his ass. I leaned into him, pressing out lips together. As my nerves exploded like fireworks, I managed to count to three, then pull away and laugh. “Glad to know you remembered how to kiss me after how many years?” I said and gave him a playful push as I rolled off the bed and stretched.

“Skin show!”, Pat chuckled as I looked down and noticed the huge gap between my tank top and my sweatpants exposing most of my stomach.

“Hey!”, Jon snapped and pulled my shirt down. “Eyes off Kane”, he barked and stood up next to me, his cheeks baring a light pink. “Can you three leave us be for a few?” Jon asked taking me under his shoulder.

As the guys made kissy faces and what not, Jon kept his composure and started tapping his foot until the three boys were out of the room, the door was shut, and the footsteps were gone. “Do you have any clue what you just did?”, he asked angrily. My mood swung. This is why I hated Jon talking.

“Yeah! I saved you ass, again. You can’t just kiss someone for the sake of making a fool out of yourself in front of your team?” I snapped and watched his cheeks darken. “Are you mad I kissed you, because I wasn’t exactly thrilled”, he rolled his eyes and let his muscles loosen.

“Seemed like you had no problem kissing me”

“Well, do you want me to blow your sacred secret?” I snapped at him, giving him a shove. He just ended up holding my wrists again, this time I didn’t even bother to break free. I just ate him away with words. Sentence after sentence ate away at him and incapability to get a real girlfriend and be a real man and fess up to his friends that this is all a hoax. After what felt like hours of bitching at him, I herd the door open.

The last sound I herd before my blood ran cold as Jon pressed his lips against mine. His pressed his fingers through mine and put my arms around his. He let my hands go and put his on my hips, pulling me closer. His lips battled with mine as throwing up sounds echoed from the door. My eyes were shut, and my hands ran up his back and into his hair.

I was the first to pull away when the door was slammed shut. My eyes lingered on his as he looked around frantically for an answer. “What”, a sly smile appeared on his slightly pink lips, “are you mad I kissed you, because I wasn’t exactly thrilled”, he whispered in a mocking tone and walked passed me out of the bedroom. I stood there, my lips tingling.

I listened as the guys busted Jon chops for kissing me, but at the same time, they were congratulating him on, I guessed, being a guy. My spirits weren’t as high as Jon’s as I sat down on the edge of the bed, my pointer finger tracing over my lips a few hundred times as the reality of everything dawned on me, and I fell into a deep hate for myself not even a cigarette could fix, even though I would try with the half filled pack in my bag,

I fucking like Jonathan Toews, and he still hates me.

Lovely.