I Could Use Somebody in this Windy City

The guys were gone. Jon and I stood in the living room, quite awkwardly. He was still dressed up in a button up shirt and dress pants, as I stood across from him in the little black dress I had on, heels and all. We looked at each other a couple times. Our eye contact lasted seconds, and would happen frequently. We stayed quiet until Jon conjured up the courage to say something.

“I wasn’t lying when I said you looked pretty”, his cheeks burnt a deep red. “Even if you don’t care an all, I really wasn’t-” I let out a sigh and looked down, running a hand through my hair. Jon stopped talking, the rest of his word falling silently into the air. I looked up into his eyes and put on a small smile onto my face.

My head bobbed on my shoulders as I straightened my back and took a deep breath. “Thanks Jon”, I walked away from him and into the bedroom. My suitcase was now stashed under the bed, and all of my clothes were stashed away in a dresser. A loud knock on the door echoed through the bedroom, but I ignored it and walked over to the dresser, somehow taking my shoes off in the process.

I opened the first drawer and pulled out a tank top, then a opened the last draw and pulled out a pair of sweats. If there was one thing I loved to wear around the house, it was a tank top and a baggy pair of sweats. I twisted my arm behind my back, trying to unzip my dress, but my arms were too short. “Jon?” I called out. As I fought with my arm to unzip my dress, I listened a faint pound of footsteps lead up to the door.

“Did you call me?”

“Yeah, I can’t get the zipper on my dress. Come here a sec”, I yawned and walked over to the door. It swung open and Jon scrunched his face together, then grabbed the zipper of my dress and slowly dragged it down. “Thanks Jon” I whispered and turned to him.

We stood there, staring at each other for a few seconds. As I got lost in his brown eyes, I felt the cold air hit my back. “I was going to put on a movie”, he didn’t take his eyes off of mine. “Do you want to watch it with me?”. I nodded and watched him turn on his heels and walk out of the room, slowly shutting the door behind him.

I went back to focus my mind on getting changed. I needed to get myself out of this extremely tight dress, it was starting to bug me. I liked tight fitting clothes every once in a while, but having the whole dress be somewhat tight, and having it on for hours, with heels trying to act all proper, it takes a toll on me.

Once I was settled into my comfortable clothes, I ran my hand through my hair, pulling it over my right shoulder and walked out of the room, pulling on the baby blue tank top on my torso. “What movie do you plan on watching?” he whipped around and looked at me. The light was on and a hot bowl of popcorn was set down in the middle pf the coffee table.

“It was a tie between Miracle and Saw three”, he put the Saw DVD down and walked over to the television with the Miracle case. I walked over to him and snatched the case out of his hands and threw it onto the couch behind us.

“No offense. I understand you’re a hockey player and what not, but give me a break. Let’s watch Saw, alright? Some nice gore does a human being well”, I let out a yawn and grabbed the case and gave Jon a little hip check away from the DVD player.

“Hey”, he chuckled, “ Those are my moves”, I furrowed my eyebrow causing him to laugh. Grabbing the remote and putting the DVD into the player. As the previews lit up the screen, I wandered back to the couch and fell back, putting my feet up onto the table.

Jon sat down next to me, copying my position. The lights were off and there was a buttery bowl of popcorn between us. I took a deep breath and looked over at Jon, his eyes watching the screen. There was a preview for the movie Shutter and it had the dreary music playing along with the flashes of ghost pictures and other spirit like, make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, things. A sly smile crept onto my lips as I moved my hands over to his shoulder, right when the screen darkened to show the next preview of a movie, I gave him a small push and screamed.

His arms went up in the air and the bowl of popcorn fell onto the floor, making my laugh grow louder than I’ve herd it in a while. Jon looked over at me, an amused smile on his face. “I’ve never herd you laugh before”, I shrugged and silence my maniacal laughing as Jon kept his eyes on me, his smile fading into his face. “I like it. Keep laughing”, I shook my head and felt him lightly push my shoulder.

“No”, I whispered and felt him keep pushing my shoulder until a small smile pushed it’s way onto my lips. I tried to hide it by biting my bottom lip, but it was too big to hide as Jon let out a small chortle. “That’s what I thought”, Jon said and picked up the remote. He hit play and the movie began.

The movie dwindled on. People were maimed right and left, and as they were Jon moved closer and closer to me as I pointed out sick something was, or how disgusting it was I wanted to throw up. As I talked through the whole movie, Jon didn’t do much but hide under a pillow and snuggle up into my arm.

The movie ended, and we were both, in a simple word, wired. I wasn’t sure why, but we were two overly hyper, awake twenty year olds. “That movie was disgusting”, Jon snapped turning the lights on. “How can you like something like that, huh?” I shrugged and let out a laugh before picking up some popcorn off of the floor and shoving it into my mouth. Jon stated a simple, ‘that’s gross’, and walked over to the TV and switched the movie over to Miracle.

“You’re from Canada. Why would you like this movie? It’s about America”, I sunk down into the couch, a wave of tiredness taking over my body. That was seconds ago energetic and awake. He shrugged and fell into the couch next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders. “You know”, I leaned into him shutting my eyes, “The guys aren’t here. You don’t’ have to put your arm around my shoulders”, he nodded and clicked the fast forward button.

“I know. I just want to”, this statement silenced me as the movie started. My heart beat pounded through my head and the smile on my lips felt like it was permanently stuck there. As the beat of my heart started to go back to normal, I felt my body slowly sink into Jon’s. My eyelids were growing heavy, and my breathing got lighter.

“I’m going to sleep”, I muttered and herd a small chuckle come from Jon. He pulled me into him, his arms tightly wrapped around me. He moved a few more times as I drifted asleep with the sounds of skates carving into ice filling my head.

I woke up late that night, groggy. My body was warm, and there was a strong pressure on my waist that I shrugged off for the first five minutes of trying to wake myself up. As my body woke up, my nerves went on end as I looked at the boy underneath me, his face holding a small smile, his arms holding my hips against him.

My head was rested on his chest and our legs were tangled together. The blue screen on the television was the only light in the room and a cold wind blew through the open windows across the room from us on the couch. As another strong gust hit me, I grunted and pushed my head into Jon’s chest, only to have him move and crack open his eyes.

“What time is it?”, he asked moving his hands up my back making me freeze staring at him like he was crazy, but his eyes didn’t reopen. “Like four?”, I shrugged although he couldn’t see. “Go back to sleep”

“We’re on the couch”, I pointed out, my voice cracking.

“Then go in the bedroom”, he went to sit up when he finally, after what felt like ten minutes, realized that we were awkwardly cuddled together on the couch, legs tangled together and all. “Oh”, was all he could say as he looked at me and another one of our lately infamous stares started. My cheeks beat red as Jon’s cheeks stayed hidden in the dark.

We stayed silent. Jon propped himself up with his elbows so now his face was maybe a few inches from mine. His breath hit my face making every nerve in my body light into fire. My eyes fluttered shut, just when Jon’s lips brushed against mine, the light flicked on and there was a loud scream. I went to pull back when Jon pressed his lips against mine and held them there. We slowly moved so Jon’s head rested back against the couch, and his arms snaked around my waist.

Though Jon’s lips were battling with mine, one thought seemed to be able to form through all of the screaming in my head. He wouldn’t have kissed you if no one came into the room. As that sentence repeated ion my head, I pulled away from Jon and got off of the couch, ignoring Kane and Sharp making disgusted face by the door.

I walked into the bedroom, and once I got there, I fell into the bed, put a pillow over my face, and screamed. Once my vocal chords started to burn, I got up and walked over to my drawer. With a cigarette and lighter in hand, I swung open the bedroom door and walked through the house, ignoring the three boys fighting in the living room.

I slammed the front door shut and walked all the way down to the curb in front of Jon’s house. I sat down and stretched my legs into the street. Once I lit the cigarette, I put one hand behind me and looked up at the sky, inhaling the intoxicating smoke deeply until my eyelids fluttered shut.

Two more long drags of my cigarette later, it was reduced to only the yellowish paper. Once there, I flicked it into the street and watched the little stream of smoke disappear into the cold air.

For once, one cigarette didn’t seem to calm me down. Nerves still slightly on edge, I got up and walked over to the car, and pulled on the handle. It was locked. Without thinking it through, I took it as a sign and walked back over to the curb hanging my head down so I looked straight at the asphalt.

As I sat there in the cool Chicago air, I tried to put my mind back to where it was suppose to be. I was only acting like Jon’s fiancé. I was never going to be anything to Jon but the girl that got him through the press. We encountered three people walking out of the restaurant earlier. They asked a few questions, said we looked adorable together, and were cut off as we got into the car and Pat drove us through the empty parking lot.

I had to keep telling myself this. I can’t let these emotions I have for Jon take over what I’m doing. Jon and I aren’t friends, we aren’t anything. I’m just a girl helping him. Every time we hug, kiss, cuddle, talk, it’s all a show. It’s all fake. We’re nothing.

And as I thought of that, I began to cry.

Cry for the pathetic girl I was. Crying because I was so close to someone I actually liked, but could never tell him I actually liked him. I had to kiss him, but couldn’t tell him I had feelings for him. It’s probably one of the worst feelings I have had in a while.

“Jayden, that you?” I herd Sharp’s cool voice ring through the darkness of the front yard. I wanted to reply, but I just let another silent sob stop me from speaking. “Hey, are you crying?” He asked as I felt him sit down to my right. I turned my head ton the left, shielding my tears from him.

“You should go back inside. It’s cold out”, I whispered keeping my voice steady. Blinking the tears out of my eyes, Sharp got up and moved to my left. Once we made eye contact I sighed and stopped trying to hide my face from him. It was no use. He was one of the more relentless guys on the team from what I’ve learned in the passed time I‘ve been here.

“I think I should be telling you that. I have a sweatshirt on. You have a tank top on”, He stated coolly. I shook my head and covered my face with my cold hands. “I didn’t know you smoked either. No offense, but you did seem like that kind of girl”, I shrugged and felt him move besides me. “If you’re going to stay out here any longer, I think you might need this”, he placed his sweatshirt in my lap and stood up.

“Thanks”, I murmured and listened as he walked back into the house. Once the front door shut, I quickly pulled the hoodie over my head and shut my eyes as the warm fuzziness of the inside hit my cold skin. I bowed my head down and put my hands on the back of my neck, letting the last sob I had in me out in a small cry. I didn’t care if people herd me, I just wanted to stop crying.

The wind whipped at me. I did feel it a little, but the sweatshirt blocked out most of the cold wind from making me shiver. I thought about leaving. I thought about just packing all of my things and leaving Jon. Then, I would have completely screwed him over, and he’d have to play heartache, I’d look like the bad guy, and I’m sure Lori would be furious with me for weeks.

Lori was probably one of my only friends. Friends since she moved here which was a year and a half ago. So we weren’t friends that long, but she was the kind of friend that made you feel like you knew her since birth.

As the thoughts of Lori and I faded out of my mind, I looked down and started picking at the pile of pebbles on the road. There were about three of them there, and as I took them and threw them across the street, I remembered each one of my ex-boyfriends.

The first boyfriend that was of a serious kind, was Adrian. He was the typical bad boy of the high school. I was a sophomore, he was a senior. He had a reputation, that I ignored. I was oblivious back then. Having the reputation of breaking hearts meant nothing to me. Nothing until he actually broke my heart. His green eyes held such power over me, but the day I put all of the pieces together. The day I realized that he was using me to get to my close friend, at the time, Helen, and cheating on me with my other friend Lila at the same time, I believed every story I herd about him. My heart was effected, but I managed to pull through that one, we only dated for three months anyway.

The first pebble reached the middle of the road. It rested on the closest of the two yellow lines in the middle of the road. I grabbed the second pebble and sighed.

My second boyfriend, was Leo, who was the hockey player. The same boy that was classified as the sweet heart of the school. I wasn’t sure who gave him that reputation. Whoever it was obviously didn’t see him, or stay anywhere near him when he was drunk. Leo is engraved in my mind as the first abusive boyfriend. I really couldn’t say he was abusive, because it was only when he was drunk, but never the less, it still resulted in a huge bruise somewhere on my body. We lasted about seven months before he cracked a rib and I broke it off with him there.

I let the second pebble go and it landed halfway into the solid asphalt next to the double yellow line furthest away from me. As it stopped rolling, I looked down and picked up the last pebble and sighed heavily, a stray tear falling from my eye as I thought about my third and most recent boyfriend.

Todd. He was what every girl could every imagine. His smile was gorgeous. He had stunning crystal blue eyes, somewhat long light brown hair, and a perfect build to match his height; six foot. His voice was mesmerizing, and there was no reputation attached to him, well at least not yet. When I wanted to do something, he would do it. When he wanted to go somewhere, I’d go with him. We fought rarely, and when we did, it would last maybe an hour the most. He would always find a way to make me feel better even when I hated him. What happened? He got killed in a drunk car accident a year ago. We were going strong for a year and a half. As if that wasn’t devastating enough, at his funeral, I found out he was seeing another girl. Not only seeing her, but they were engaged.

If there was one thing that I never really got over, was that. Having the guy of my dreams die in a horrible fashion and be engaged to someone else, at the same time.

That’s when I stopped dating. The thought of having anything close to that happen to me again made my stomach churn and my head pound with old headaches. The cold Windy City air didn’t help me as the emotions still left over from that relationship burned inside of me. Tears gushed from my eyes, again. Sobs rang through the air around me. I made sure they weren’t loud enough to echo through the streets.

How could I have let all of those guys do that to me? You think maybe once I would have caught on. Then again, look at me now. Posing as a famous hockey players fiancé. I have to say I’ve hit rock bottom.

Through my sobbing, I didn’t hear Jon sit down next to me and call my name. Once he gave my shoulder a small shove, I broke out of my crying and looked over at him, wiping my tears on the sleeve of Sharp’s sweatshirt.

“Why are you crying, Jayden?”, Jon’s voice was sincere, but my mind forced me to believe it was just another fake line. I turned away from him, and let out a small sniffle, but Jon grabbed my face and lightly directed my eyes back into his. “You can tell me, you know?” I shook my head and looked straight down at my feet covered in a pair of black socks.

“I’m already tired of this”, I stated quietly. “I’m tired of acting”. It was obvious that this took Jon by surprise. His eyes were noticeably wider in the dark, and he looked the opposite way from me. I didn’t mind though, I just kept looking straight ahead, which was now the house across the street. “I want a real boyfriend. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to feel like some pathetic little girl anymore”, my voice was considerably angrier now, but it had no effect on Jon as he stood there, his eyes locked on the house next door.

We both stayed silent for maybe a minute. “Do you want to leave?”, I looked down. That wasn’t the reaction I wanted. I didn’t want the pity. I wanted Jon to like me. I wanted him to look at me and see something. I wanted to be something to him in the worst way. “I’ll just call Lori and-”

My anger boiled over the top and I turned to him, eyes laced with fury. “No Jon. I just want you to see me as more than some trashy twenty year old that your friend knows that she persuaded to live with you. I like you, okay? Somehow, something in my mind likes you even though you are obviously a complete asshole” with that I stood up and walked inside.

I turned around and watched Jon sitting on the curb. He didn’t move an inch since I told him. He was probably thinking of the fastest way to kick me out of the house.

How could he like me anyway?

I was nothing compared to what he could have as a girlfriend. I had no personality, well a personality people would like, I wasn’t pretty, and I smoked. Any guy that had the slightest attraction to me was a complete moron.

I looked back at Jon, he was walking to the door, a smug smile on his face.

Was Jon a moron, or was I missing out on something?