Summer of 09'

Riley's P.O.V.

Present Time

My stomach lurched as I saw Caleb printed all over the tabloids, the vomit rising in my throat as his lips upon another girl's lips. Only a week before had those same lips been on mine, those lips that excited me now only left me disgusted with myself. I shivered as I hugged my arms around myself and my eyes scanned the text, and of course, the girl was a model.

My eyes squeezed shut, how could I compete with that? How the in the world could I compete with a model? Tears instantly started falling from my cheeks, where did I go from here? The night Caleb left all I could do was think about how I had fallen in love with him, not until he left me, not until he told me he couldn't be with me did my world come crashing down and I realized.

I love Caleb Turman, irrevocably.

My chest tightened painfully as waves of nausea hit me again and I ran to the bathroom, my body shook with convulsions as I became sick for the third time that morning. Instantly, a hand came to pull back my hair and I turned my head to see my grandmother and for once, she looked more sober than I had seen her in a long time.

Her frail hands reached to help me up and sat me upon the couch, she smelled of cinnamon and it welcomed me. The scent bringing back memories of when she use to be healthy, sober times. She always smelled of cinnamon and she'd hold me and rock me to sleep.

"Grandma," But she cut my off as she placed a finger against my lips, her head shaking slightly.

"I haven't been good to you, I've been a drunken emotional mess and you shouldn't have to deal with this, deal with my suffering and your own. I lied to you when I said I was going on that long vacation and those cruises. I had gone to rehab, and I had some counseling and I'm better now."

Her lips formed a smile as I began to cry harder, I had my grandmother back but I didn't have Caleb. The one person I wanted most I didn't have. Was it because I wasn't slutty? I didn't get what I had done so wrong.

Her arms wrapped around me as I inhaled cinnamon and tried to remember happier memories but all I could see was Caleb's face, and all I could think about were the words he had said to me. I cried harder than I ever had before, I felt as if I was bleeding on the inside and nothing could stop it. Nothing would stop it.

How many times had I battled with the thought of walking away from Caleb. He deserved much better than someone like me. I was right it seemed, he deserved gorgeous, skinny models. My self-esteem was left along with my broken heart at the playground, the same playground I had been spending countless nights at and countless times had Ava and her boyfriend come by and picked me up and brought me home.

Why couldn't Caleb just stay with me? Was I terrible person? What did I do that was so bad? My mind couldn't grasp it as my body shook against my grandmothers. Her arms gently rubbing my back, trying to comfort me but nothing could fill the void in my heart.

Nothing could keep me from falling apart, nothing could save me from the thoughts that ate me alive. Nothing could save me from myself. The self told me I was ugly, fat, and I wasn't worth Caleb's attention. I was worthless, just like I had been all those years ago to my mother. I wasn't worth anything anymore.

My heart was broken, my carefully planned outlook of life had been crumbled within months by Caleb and now here I was, broken again. The second time I let someone in, they hurt me as well. They broke me as well.

It wasn't as bad as my mother.

It was worse.