This Heart, It Beats, Beats for Only You

“Casey, don’t,” Joe whispered as he pulled away.

“What? What is it?” Casey asked, trying to hide her pain at rejection. This was definitely new. She couldn’t even remember the last time a guy had rejected her. She didn’t think she’d ever be this bothered by it. But Joe – him rejecting her hurt more than she expected or preferred.

“I can’t do this,” he moved himself away from her.

“Can’t do what?” she asked, offended now. He led her on. He definitely did, with the flirting and the talking and the knowing. And then he just rejected her. “Can’t kiss me?”

He looked down, and for a second, Casey could swear she saw pain in his eyes. “Casey, you can’t fall in love with me,’ he said quietly.

Was that what this was about? Falling in love? She started laughing. “It’s just a kiss,” she said. “It’s not love. Kissing doesn’t always lead to falling in love.”

He sighed. “Good, cause you can’t.”

This guy had some nerve. “Not everyone thinks you’re some gushing hottie, you know? Not everyone is madly in love with you. Sorry I’m not one of your 8 year old fans. It was just a kiss, not a proposal to eternal love or whatever.” He didn’t say anything, just looking down at his feet under the water. Why was he being so serious about this? “What is it? You’re so big on living in the moment, and you’re too afraid to fall in love? Isn’t that a bit too precise?” she mocked.

He rolled her eyes. “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it?” she scoffed.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked. “Get over yourself? Fine, get over yourself.”

“Ha that’s rich,” she said. He was not going to get to her now. He had another thing coming. “You over here with your life lessons, and your mysterious whatever. And you think I have to get over myself? Why don’t you get over yourself and stop thinking you’re so much better than me? Yeah you’re a rock star but that doesn’t make you all high and mighty.”

“Oh really?” he laughed. “You’re giving me lessons now? Wonderful. How about one more? You see, in my world love isn’t just hooking up in a pool. It’s more than just going for a little news on some stupid site that was made in the first place because someone is bored with their own lame lives to give you these fake popular famous moments.”

“Contrary to what you may think,” she seethed, angry now. She stood, glaring at him. “I did not tell anyone to put my life on blast, which is my life by the way. So I have nothing to explain to you.”

“No you don’t,” he said coolly, standing up as well. “I mean, who are you anyway? Just some little girl who thinks the whole world revolves around her. Guess what pumpkin? It doesn’t. There is a hell of a lot of stuff that are bigger than you.”

She laughed. “Oh that’s great. Go ahead give me another lesson on life. Tell me what else I’m missing in my own.”

“How about this, you’re a prissy brat who pays more attention to everyone else’s feelings than your own. On top of that, you don’t know even know what love is. You think you have love in your life? With your little friends and your followers? None of them even know you.”

“And you think you do?” she asked. “Please, you don’t know me. You ready my diary, and now you know my deep dark secrets. Good for you. But guess what? That doesn’t mean shit. Because at the end of the day, I’m more than what’s written on some piece of paper or what you’ve deducted from my expressions and faces, Dr. Freud. You think I’m a brat? Fine, you’re right. I’m a brat. Happy? My parents have given me everything I wanted? Excuse me for not wanting to disappoint them. And my friends? They’re there for me through thick and thin. So pardon me for trying to make sure they’re happy.”

“God, do you even hear yourself talk?” he asked. “I mean, do you just say the first thing that comes to your head? Or do you actually put thought into these stupid excuses?”

She just glared at him. “You know what? I’m sorry I kissed you. God, why did I even came out here?” I grabbed my clothes and put them on.

“Yeah well I never asked you to,” he said, grabbing his own as he started putting them on.

“You might as well have,” she scoffed. “Serenading to yourself? Real smooth stuff Jonas. You know, you may have the lessons on life, but I know people. And you’re an asshole.”

“And you’re a bitch,” he said.

She rolled her eyes and made her way to the gate. “Fuck you,’ she said.

“Right back at you,” he called after her as she made her way to her house. She climbed into the bed next to Marisa and sighed. Her friend turned to the other side. Casey was fuming. Joe was such an asshole. He made her so mad. What the hell was his problem? She groaned and reached down under her nightstand and pulled her diary out. Slowly, she tore out page by page. This wasn’t who she was, this girl in these pages. But they were a part of her. And she hated that Joe saw it. She hated that she saw that weakness.