This Heart, It Beats, Beats for Only You

Casey wasn’t sure if Joe was going to kiss her this time. She could still remember how the rejection felt last time, and after they had just reconciled everything, she wasn’t sure she how’d she feel if he rejected her again, so she waited to see what happened. And what was happening was Joe was moving closer and closer to her, his lips hovering right above hers. She could feel his breath on her face. She closed her eyes just in time to feel his lips touch her softly, hesitantly. Then he kissed her harder, more certainly. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck as his hands moved to her waist, pulling her closer to him. She molded her body to the shape of his, edging on her toes to reach him better.

She felt rain start to hit her arm. Joe broke the kiss then, jumping out of her grasp as if realizing what he had done. The look on his face confused her. But then she realized that it was all a mistake. He hadn’t meant to kiss her, had he? If he had, he wouldn’t be acting like this, would he? The rain started pouring harder, as if a reminder of her as if a reminder of her distress. A million expressions seemed to play on Joe’s face as Casey felt herself breakdown. He looked up at the arm before grabbing her hand and pulling her in a run to shelter from the rain. They stood under a tree with the dozens of other couples, all trying to get out of the rain.

“Casey,” he started, his face apologetic.

“Don’t,” she whispered. She couldn’t hear his explanations or reasoning or anything at all. She didn’t need to hear he didn’t like her, that he didn’t want to kiss her, that he had just been swept into the moment.

He looked at her a long time, as if debating what he should say next. She just wrapped her arms around herself and tried to composed herself. When she thought she had her emotions in check, she smiled at him. “The rain sucks, right?” she asked, deciding to pretend nothing happened.

He looked at her for a second, the look on his face strained before he smiled back. “I don’t know, I kind of like it.”

“Ugh stupid rain,” Marisa said, coming to Casey’s side. Drew was right in tow. “Well it was fun while it lasted, right?”

Casey just shrugged, smiling. She could tell that from the look on Marisa’s face that their little kiss hadn’t been secret. But Marisa didn’t say anything about it, probably seeing Casey’s expression.

“Should we go home then?” Drew asked.

“We could watch a movie at home,” Nick suggested, as he and Zoey joined the group. Casey noticed they were holding hands.

“I’m kind of tired,” Casey lied. She just wanted to go home.

“Me too,” Marisa said loyally. “Hey Case, can I sleep over?”

Casey smiled. Marisa was probably waiting to get alone with her so she could find out what happened. “Sure,” she said. She knew Marisa wouldn’t stop until she knew exactly what had caused the look on her face.

“Me too,” Zoey said eagerly. Casey could tell Zoey didn’t know what was going on, but she knew something was up. She nodded, and sighed. She didn’t want to think about what had happened again. She saw Joe staring off into the distance, not even paying attention. She wondered if he was really regretting it that much.

They walked to their cars and started driving home. Marisa, and Zoey were in Casey’s car. Joe, Nick, and Kevin had gone with Drew. For that, she was grateful. The least amount of time she had to spend with Joe right now, the longer she could stay whole. The rain was pouring hard as they ran into her house. Casey hadn’t even made it past the threshold when the tears starting coming. She felt foolish. Casey Cartwright did not cry, and she definitely did not cry over a guy. And yet, the tears were surely coming out of her eyes right now.

Marisa and Zoey exchanged a look and led her to her room. They were sitting on her bed, and Casey’s head was on Marisa’s lap. “What is wrong with me?” she questioned.

“Nothing,” Marisa assured her systematically.

“What happened Case?” Zoey asked, concern lacing her voice.

“Joe kissed me,” she said through her tears. “And then he just – I don’t know. I could just tell that it was a mistake. And he didn’t want to kiss me, and everything’s jus so wrong.”

Marisa stroked her hair gently. “Oh Casey,” she sighed.

Casey sat up and looked at her best friends. “It’s me, isn’t it? I’m not good enough. He probably only wants those Hollywood sweethearts who are in the tabloids everyday and would help his career and any girl who’s not me.”

“I don’t think Joe’s like that,” Zoey said quietly.

“Then what is it?” she cried. “Am I not hometown enough? Not modest or wholesome enough? Ugh, why did I have to fall for him?” She wiped her eyes. No, she would not cry for him anymore. Casey Cartwright did not cry, least of all over a boy.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Marisa said quietly.

“That’s because I don’t fall for guys,” Casey said. “They fall for me.”

“You’ve fallen for Joe though,” Zoey reminded her.

“Thanks Zoe,” she rolled her eyes. “Because I really needed to be reminded of that.”

“But Casey listen,” Zoey continued. “I think he likes you too.”

“Well he has some way of showing it,” she said bitterly, not letting herself even believe it.

“How do you know?” Marisa questioned.

“Nick said that Joe’s been acting weirdly lately,” she said. “He said that it’s good he’s finally let someone in. He wouldn’t say more than that, but I mean, who else has he talked to really besides Casey?”

“You know what,” she said, wiping her eyes one last time. “I don’t even care. He wants to act like he doesn’t like me, fine. I can too.”

Her tone seemed to make Marisa and Zoey uncomfortable as they exchanged a look. Casey got off her bed and started getting her stuff together for bed. Yes, Casey Cartwright was a master of emotions. She could hide what she felt about Joe. She would have to.