This Heart, It Beats, Beats for Only You

Casey didn’t know why she wasn’t upset over the fact that Joe hadn’t stayed the night. She knew that normally she would be freaking out. She would be questioning everything, including herself especially after everything Joe had made her feel recently. But he had changed her, in more ways than she felt comfortable admitting. And so she was calm now. He loved her, of that she was sure. And that was enough. God help her, for the first time that was enough. It wasn’t like with Graham or any of the other guys she had seen. No, he had left her before she had woken up, but she knew he had been there the whole night. She had felt complete, and the feeling didn’t go away come morning light.

And so she walked to her locker with a smile on her face. She could see people whispering, looking at her. But she ignored them. She saw Marisa was waiting by her locker, but even that wasn’t enough to put a damper on her morning. She ignored her best friend as she opened her locker.

“Casey, come on I’m sorry,” Marisa sighed.

Casey didn’t acknowledge that she had even heard her.

“I wanted to tell you but I was scared of what you’d say,” Marisa tried again.

“And you thought me finding out through make a scene made it better?” she rolled her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “Look she called and she was upset and she said she was sorry about everything and she wanted to talk.”

“I’m sure,” Casey took her book out of her locker.

“Casey come on I’m sorry, okay? She wanted to meet and I agreed because she sounded really desperate.”

“Okay. Well that’s great for you guys I guess.” She closed her locker.

“Casey, she knows,” Marisa’s voice was quiet. “She knows about our plan.”

“So what, talking to you was retaliation at me?” Casey rolled her eyes. “Sadly enough for her, I’m not really effected.”

“No! She said she knows what you were going to do and that you stopped yourself,” Marisa said. Casey stared at her in surprise. “Can you please just forgive me already so I can tell you and earn a billion gossip points?”

Casey couldn’t help but laugh at this. She remembered when they were little they would trade gossip for points. Casey, of course, always had the most points. It was partly why she was on top, partly. “Alright fine, friends forever and a billion gossip points, now tell me.”

“Well basically she said she knows that you would never hurt her intentionally like that. She said that she saw Alex kissing some other girl at your party. She’s really sorry, Case. She told me that she can’t believe everything she’s done to you.”

“Wait, so why didn’t she tell me all of this?”

“Because you’re a bit intimidating.” Both girls turned to the sound of the new voice. “I mean come on Casey, you have to see why I’d be even scared to approach you after everything.”

“So why are you now?” Her expression was cold. Yeah, Marisa might have bought everything, but she didn’t know if she could trust Sam just like that. She didn’t want to trust her and then have it snatched away from her, only to be left disappointed again.

“Because I want to make this up to you,” Sam said. “I want to show you how truly sorry I am and how wrong I was to turn my back on you.”

“Yeah you were,” Casey said slowly. “But you do realize that it’s going to be a long time before you can be back with us like before right, and that’s if ever?”

“I know,” Sam said quietly.

“And you’ll have to go through the initiation again,” she told her former best friend. They had all had to go through it with the older students. It was a series of tests to prove loyalty and the strength of friendship. Casey had always thought it redundant to do it with Marisa, Sam, and Zoey. She had known them forever, and they had been friends forever. She had never imagined that she would one day have to do this to one of them.

“I am aware,” Sam said firmly.

“Good.” Casey looked around, and quickly found her target. Smirking, she saw a girl walking past them with a smoothie in her hand. Casey stopped her. “Hey, Liz, right?”

The girl looked terrified. She looked from Casey to Sam to Marisa and back to Casey. It always started and ended with Casey. This thought amused her. “Y-yes,” the girl said. “Um what’s up Que—I mean Casey?”

Casey smiled at the girl. “Could I have your smoothie please?” She asked politely but everyone knew it wasn’t really a question. Casey always got what she wanted.

“Casey wants my smoothie,” Liz gasped, a grin immediately coming to her face. She looked at the first person that passed by. “You hear that? Casey wants my smoothie.” She looked horror struck then, realizing Casey was still watching her. “I mean, yeah sure.” She handed it, and scurried off quickly.

“I still love watching you do that,” Marisa grinned. She was eyeing the target knowingly.

Casey smiled and held out the smoothie for Sam to take. “Step number one Samantha,” she smirked. “Make that douche bag pay.”

Sam nodded knowingly, and took the smoothie, removing the cap. She walked slowly to where Alex was standing with his friends. “Hey babe,” Alex smirked at her when he saw her.

Without a word, Sam dumped the contents of the cup on his head. When she spoke her voice was controlled. “Ever call me babe or anything similar again and it won’t be a smoothie next time.” She turned and walked away.

Casey noticed that Alex was glaring at her. She waved at him and winked. Finally, he was getting what he deserved.

She saw Joe coming out of the boy’s bathroom. She quickly said bye to Marisa and sped after him, stopping next to him at his locker. “Hi,” she smiled.

He smiled at her slightly before turning back to his locker. “Hey,” he said.

His voice sounded so detached. She felt slighted. Why was he acting like such a douche? “Care to tell me what’s up?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he shrugged, not looking at her.

“Joe, come on, tell me what’s up,” she sighed. “We had what was probably one of he best nights of my life and then you just ignore me. What’s going on?”

“Casey, look,” he sighed and looked at her sadly. Wait, one of the best nights of your life?”

There was smugness to his tone that made her want to laugh. But it was the clear disdain for the statement that kept her sober. “Yes it was,” she admitted firmly. “And all we did was sleep next to each other.”

“I left you,” he reminded her quietly.

“Yes and I know you have a good reason for that,” she shrugged. “But if you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay. I just – I need to know what’s going on. Where we are, I mean.”

“We aren’t anywhere.”

“What? Joe, after everything you said that night, when you know how I feel, and how you feel, what’s going on? Why can’t you just tell me?” She refused to be shot down. She didn’t know what was going on, but she was going to find out.

“Casey, look I’m sorry, but it would never work out between us.” He seemed sad but kept his face neutral.

“Why are you telling me that?”

“Cause I want you to know the truth,” he said.

“And what is the truth?”

“The truth is I’ll just end up hurting you.” His tone was insistent.

But so was hers. “I don’t believe that.”

“That’s because you’re naïve,” he said. “You think you feel deeply for me. But it’s not right. You’re just being blind and naïve.”

“Is that a bad thing?” she asked, still refusing to be shaken. She knew something was up, that he cared for her.

“No, it’s different,” he admitted.

“I like being different,” she shrugged.

“Being different isn’t always good.”

“Being different is all I have,” she said. “Joe, look, I don’t know what’s going on. The only thing I do know is that I think I, I think I lo—“

“Don’t say it,” he pleaded.

She could hear his voice breaking. She knew he wanted her too. “Don’t you want me too?”

“I – it doesn’t matter what I want,” he said.

“Why not?” she demanded. “I think you should get a say in what you do with your life. You go around acting all high and mighty, but you’re weak, aren’t you Joe? You can’t even give into your own feelings.”

“I’m weak?” he laughed. “That’s rich. You turn everything around on everyone else. That’s why you’re number one. Everyone seems like they’re scared of you. But I’m not scared of you Casey Cartwright.”

“Yeah? Well I’m scared of you Joe Jonas,” she said.

“Why?” he asked, reaching out to touch her face, but he seemed to catch himself and draw back.

She wanted to smirk, knowing she would get what she wanted, as always. “I’m scared you’ll make me regret falling for you.” She took a step closer to him. She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t move away, but just stared into her eyes.

“I’m scared that you’ll fall in love with me,” he whispered, closing his eyes for a second. “You can’t fall in love with me.”

“Too late,” she smiled slightly.

It seemed like at her words, he lost all control and all his restraint. He grabbed her gently by the back of her head and pulled her to him, crushing his lips to hers in a fierce war of affection. He wanted to show her how much he did love her, how much ignoring her, leaving her had hurt him, how he couldn’t hold back any more. It was like she was a drug to him, and he had finally given in. She too wanted to show him that she meant every word, and that she felt for him as she had never felt for anyone else before. And for the first time, neither of them was scared.