Until It Kills Me

Sometimes, I could not believe what had brought me here – to this place and time. How did I deserve this? Whatever did I do in a past life that would have granted me this blissful life? Staring down, looking at the man beside me – I still couldn’t believe he was mine. Still asleep, his beautiful green eyes were closed. The morning light coming from the shutters playing with the textures of his olive skin. I bent down to place a soft kiss on his shoulders, tracing his spine with my index finger. Gone were the days where I only thought about making the next kill. Where I was lying in a dark cave, shaking uncontrollably, my own blood splattered on the cold walls. One man had tried killing me, and almost succeeded – this man was now lying in my bed, naked under my sheets. Picturing his body, like sculptured by gods, made my mind wander. Yes, my nights were a bit different – I was still lying in a dark room, exhausted and thinking I would die – but for all the right reasons.

Almost inaudible, I climbed out from the sheets; my naked feet felt oddly warm against the wooden floor. I swayed in the air, still a bit unsure about how my balance worked. Taking a few steps forwards; still quietly, I reached the bathroom. The full-length mirror greeted me, and I couldn’t help but smile at my exhausted reflection. My thin frame was pale white, every muscle defined – yet with a feminine touch. My hair a mess, but no-one had so far in my 19 years of existence managed to make it look even a least bit decent. Reaching out, my fingertips brushed across the glass.
Looking back at the bed, I put some pressure on the mirror, causing a door to open. Stepping inside, I turned the water on, and let it flow down my body. I always knew having mirrors as doors to the shower would add a special effect. You could see every flaw, every inch of your body. Even things you didn’t want to see. Pressing my thumb against my right hipbone, I realized the deep cut from several months back still hadn’t healed. I would have to take care of that later…

As I was about to exit the shower, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and cold lips against my neck. Hands trailing down my lower stomach, almost caressing. With closed eyes, I let my head fall back to his chest, moaning happily

“Good morning, beautiful” he breathed in my ear, turning me around, making me open my eyes to stare into his beautiful sapphire eyes
“Edward,” I smiled, walking past him and throwing a towel around my waist
“Aren’t you supposed to be a top trained assassin?” his brow curved, and I couldn’t help but smile
“Even we professionals fail at being silent”

Ever since I turned 13, I fled my homeland Ireland to study in Spain to become one of the most feared men in the underground – an assassin. My mental health was never in questioning, they knew I was out of my mind – couldn’t think about anything but blood being spilled. I was a natural at killing; it was as if I was born to do just that – and nothing else.
It was a mere coincidence that led me to finding Edward Glass. For years all I could think of was killing, sex and money. Making people suffer, as if it bring back everyone I had lost. In my then seventeen year old head, it had all made perfect sense. When my mentor and boss gave me the ultimate kill I was thrilled. Finally, I would be able to avenge the lost souls of my beloved family; and most of all my baby brother. My target was Chaos; the second in command. Even though he was next in rank to Darude, their leader, he was the one who had ordered and finished the killing of my family.

Ending his life would end my suffering – and cure my plagued mind. I was sure of it.

My first encounter with him was in a somewhat normal setting. I was drunk, out of my mind intoxicated by the golden drops of liquor – so when a handsome, older man offered me a bed to sleep in for the night I did not turn him down. Despite my condition that night, I remembered his touch – unlike anything I had ever felt before. Of course I had been with men before – men and women alike, but this man… He was something different. Neither of us knew that we were each other’s enemies – and we would never find out, or so I thought.

Looking back now, Looking down on him – I still can’t help but wonder what went wrong.