Invincible

I'm standing here, next to your gravestone.
I can't help but think what happened.
I remember the date.
september 1st, 2003.
All of our class was in a party for the upcoming school year. It was the longest party Ih'v ever been in' and also the last one since you were gone.
I remember that I've got the party. Ofcourse, just because we're not aloud to, someone brought beer bottles.
I looked for you, my best friend and also- the one that I've loved from the moment we met. You made me come to this party.
I stood near the wall, while watching you dancing in the middle of the dance floor with you your boyfriend, Matt.
When the song finished, you saw me, and you started walking to me. Being you, the life of every party, you took a beer. I guessed it wasn't your first one.
I remember you talking to me, and then, suddenly, you took my hand and lead us to dance.
It was a soft song playing, and I held you close. I looked at you, your beautiful curly brown hair got to your shoulders, your amazing brown eyes. you looked so beautiful.
Right there, I almost told you how I feel.
"Kaitie, I...I...", I said quitly.
You raised your eyes to me, wondering, and ready to hear what I wanted to say.
"Nothing", I whispered. I thaught i could tell you later. I thaught wrong.
And then, the song ended and Matt took you away. You danced all night. I looked at you- you were so happy. Once in a while I saw you taking another beer. I counted four or five at least.
But then, at four in the morning, you saw Matt kissing another girl. I cuold see the pain in your eyes when you came to me crying.
You didn't want to listen to me. I offered to take you home, but you just grabbed your purse and car kees, saying you need to be alone. I tried to grab your hand and lead you to my car, but you already ran out of the house.
After an hour, I didn't have nothing to do in the party, so I went home. I parked my car, and got inside the house quietly. I went to my room, and lied on the bed. I almost fell asleep, thinking about you, wishing you were allright, and that you got home. And while that thaught crossed my mind, the phone rang. It was you mother, crying. She said she's in the hospital. You had an accidant, and you were just getting into a sergery. I hung up the phone and raced out the door.
While driving there, something felt wrong, like something bad happened- and it was my fault. I felt broken.
Somehoh, I got to the hospital. I ran down the corridors, finaly seeing your family sitting together, waiting and criying. Once in a while nurses came out from your sergery room, a worried look on their faces. Your family told me about you accidant, that you took a turn to fast, that you turned in 85 instead of 35 and...
After 3 hours, when the doctor came out, he had a hard look on his face. He went straight to your parants, noddinf his head meaning 'no'. "We tried tried our best to save her, but there was nothing we could do. It was too late", the doctor said," I'm sorry for your lost".
I was shocked. I fell on my knees, and felt something wet on my face. I left my hand to touch my face- it was tears streaming from my eyes. "Adam... Adam get up...", and I felt someone trying to help me get up from the floor, but I just took his hands off my shoulders, got up to my feet and ran out fron there. I felt horrible, like it was my fault you were gone. That I should've made you come home with me from the party- and all that wouldn't even happen.
Somehow, I got home. I went to my room. For a week I haven't talked to anybody, not leaving my room. I wasn't in your funeral. I didn't want to belive that you, the one that allways seemed so invincible, was gone. I understood life wasn't fair espaciely for people who seem invincible, that don't care from living their life. That the invincible people are the most breakable ones.
Also, I didn't want to see touy family- I felt like I couldn't look into their eyes.
But life goes on. School year started, even thaugh the sit next to me is empty. People still going to parties, even thaugh no-one will be as happy as you were.
About a month after you were no longer here, I had to see you.
On my way to the graveyard, memories flashed through my mind. I rememberthe day we met. We were two little kids in the playground. You were so adorable, with your short pink dress and two ponytails. You were sitting alone, looking at the kids playing. I noticed you, anf left my friends to talk to you. I asked you to be my friend , and you looked up at me, your big brown eyes filled with joy. And right then, when I saw your eyes, I knew you were the most important thing in my life from now on. After I played with you, I need you to be with me, because I can't love a minute without you. So the day passed, and we became the best of friends. I remeber the day you to your first date- it felt like my heart was tearing to parts. I remember the day your first boyfriend dumped you, and you came crying to my house. I comforted you, and it felt so right when you were in my arms. And it was hard to know I could never tell how I feel about you, because I know you don't feel the same. I remembered us watching movies, trying to bake a cake (and almost burning the kitchen...)- just best friends hanging out and having fun, and I realized I could never forget you.
I parked my car, and slowly walked to your spot.
I got next to your gravestone, and stood there quietly.
Your grave was so quiet, so cold- the exact opposite from you, the warm and happy girl you were. I couldn't belive that you were there, and also not there. I felt tears start streaming from my eyes. I tried to you how sorry I am, but I just couldn't say that out loud, so I whispered:" I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry...".
I knew my life would never be the same without you, and I couldn't understand why you left me all alone.
So I put one white rose, from the kind you loved the most, on the cold white stone, and I just couldn't help but ask:" Why babe, Why?"