Roses and Butterflies

The tour bus was silent and dark, but the low buzz from the large outdoor complex could be heard clearly from the tinted rectangular windows. This was another concert I decided to sit out on after finding out what was wrong with me... not that they would notice.

Or would they?

Brushing my platinum blonde hair out of my face, my hazel eyes studied the tarp covered gate, imagining the sad expression that would fall over his face when he discovered I wasn't there watching from the sidelines as usual.

Would it break his heart?

I couldn't bring myself to face him anymore... after what had happened.

My body let out an involuntary sigh, leaning back into the seat as I forced myself to glance away from the windows. This couldn't go on for long... he'd eventually get the answer out of me somehow. He always had a way of doing that...

But it wouldn't be long until the secret itself would become evident.

"Damn it." I groaned, running a manicured hand over my face, lifting myself from the seat and reaching for the soft material of his track jacket that hung over my seat. I brought it around my shoulders, standing to my feet and slipping on my green seude flats.

How long had this been going on?

The physical hints I dropped were clearly obvious but he brushed them off so casually, seeming not to correctly process them. Those terrible hints always somehow turned into brutal verbal fights that'd we forget about after five minutes of his demanding that I see a doctor. But things were always awkward after that...

The truth was alawys bubbling at the surface, begging to come out... but I wouldn't let it. It tortured me.

The cool air hit my face, sending a shiver down my spine as I strung the long-forgotten backstage pass around my neck, shoving my small hands deep into the pockets of his jacket feeling for the folded piece of paper. The piece of paper that spilled his entire heart to me and left my brain a scrambled wreck.

The fucking love letter that tore my at my heart for keeping such a simple secret from the person, no, people I loved.

The blasting music was clear now, almost throwing me back as I walked with short paces to the burly man next to the gate. His eyes focused from the concert throught he bars, to my small stature, perking his bushy eyebrows up at my sudden appearance, "A little late are you, Miss Bates?"

"Just a nap." I answered simply holding up the backstage pass for him to see, my name written across it in bubbly letters; a mood I wasn't really in at the current moment, "Life on a tour bus gets pretty hectic."

"I can imagine." he chuckled and stepped aside, unlocking the gate and letting me through, "Be careful in there, we don't want anything happening to you and-"

"Thank you, John." I snapped quickly, bringing the jacket closer to me. Walking away from him and up the stairs of the sidestage, I could hear the screeching chords of Frank's guitar as they began to play one of their newest songs 'Dead!'.

A smile graced my lips as I peaked over the line of the people watching, casually pushing them aside to get a btter few of the guys on the stage. Frankie currently occupied an amp, jumping from it in a circle and landing on his crouched legs, the black mop of hair upon his head falling back into his familiar hazel eyes.

Gerard poured all of his heart and soul into the music, his eyes closed in passion that everyone watching could currently feel coursing through their blood as the song pumped on. Ray played next to him, eyes clenched in concentration, nailing each of the chords repeatedly, that sweet smile over his lips.

Bob swung at his drum set, each beat matching my racing heart. My chest ached with so much pride for my friends, tears collecting in my view. Frank glanced towards me, smirking as he gave a small wave during a quick break in the song.

And then there was Mikey...

I can see where you are
I can tell you're enjoying it so far
I would love to escape, but now I'm bound

His almond eyes peared out through those thick blonde lashes, framed by thick-rimmed glasses, dyed obsidian hair frayed from his red cap, sticking to his sweaty face. I could feel them burning down into my very soul, legs weakening from under his intoxicating gaze.

The corners of his thin lips pulled up into a soft smile, his mouth forming those three words I longed to hear once more, fingers struming at the thick strings of his bass. The rapid beating of my heart caused my rib-cage to nearly explode with the aching emotion building up. This would be harder than I thought...

Backing away slowly, the crowd of fans meshed into the vacant spot I once stood in, my eyes becoming hazed over with tears as my hands clamped over my gapping mouth; that agonizing emotion ripped apart at my insides.

"I'm so sorry..."

By the burn of your eyes
Looking on as I'm starting to realize
I'm a pawn in your game, and this is checkmate

I ran.

The quickest route to the tour buses through the side gate and the many other tour buses that baracaded ours into the very center.

I could feel the piercing gazes from the other various band members upon me as I ran, one of them happening to step in my path. Their thin arm dug deep into my stomach in attempt to slow me down, but only ended in leaving us both sprawled upon the matted grass.

"Shit!" I cursed, biting my tongue and holding my stomach as my eyes clenched shut at the seering pain that spread through my abdomen.

"Damn it... Steph?" The guy groaned and rubbed head, crawling over to me and rubbing my back, "What's wrong?" William Beckett stared down with soft brown eyes, wiping a strand of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.

"I-I gotta go." I muttered, tearing myself from his grasp, still holding my stomach.

I kept running, not bothering to look back at the pained expression falling over his angelic face.

As the roses lift their heads to catch a glimpse of my demise
You'll be throwing lines around like ocean waves throw down the tides
And they are breaking on my shore
And the rescue team won't save me now, that I'm out too far

The soft blankets caressed my sobbing figure, curling deep into their depths for comfort. The pain in my stomach faded to a dull throb, but the heart-wrenching feeling emotion flooding my chest felt as if it could split my ribcage in two.

My hands dug deep to drag out the only content of the jacket's pocket. That love letter unfolded before my eyes as my hands began to tremble at their soft and gentle words.

They only made the mental torment worse.

How could I keep this secret from all the guys and continue to stare them into the face. The evidence would eventually be impossible to hide, and I would have to leave them... but I can't do that either.

Why was I so damn scared to tell him? Was it fear of rejection or something far worse?

I don't want to be alone...

Tears coursed down my cheeks, gasping for air as I tossed among the sheets, frustrated with myself, "Goddammit!"

"Stephenie..."

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I read the words you wrote last night, the butterflies are creeping through my spine

"Mikey!"

Once more, I found myself embraced in those strong, comforting arms. My tears ceased to flow and I could feel the pain in my chest fade away slowly the longer he just held me.

He buried his head into my shoulder, the sweat coating his body and clothes making me stick to him as he tried to find a comfortable position, "Why'd you run?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked quietly, voice raspy from the tears that were spilt earlier; it was clearly a very poor diguise as I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck, only wishing for him to hold me tighter and tighter until I could no longer breathe.

"You were only on the sidestage for about five minutes, and you're wondering why I'm worrying about you?" Mikey spoke pushing me away, hands firmly on my shoulders, "You look horrible Steph... don't try and lie to me."

His cool, colloused fingers upon my skin made those creatures creep beneath my skin, making it hard for me to keep this serious conversation, serious. My emotions were swinging so fast, I couldn't even decipher what I was feeling anymore...

How could his sudden appearance and physical touch drive me from my enternal torment?

"I-I don't know what's going on." I answered simply, another utter lie; luckily this one was believable...

"All the guys are worried about you." Mikey smiled weakily and gently ran his thumbs under my eyes to clear the smudged eyeliner that began to dry, wiping it onto his black pants.

"So am I..."

My head flopped back down onto his shoulder, his arms coming around my small figure once more, and pulling us both back onto the bed. His fingers loosened the material of his jacket from my body and tossed it to the side.

His hands softly opened my fist and tugged the crumpled letter from them, pulling me to his chest as we both fell into a much awaited slumber.

It's a thrill I can't shake
Yeah, I know we've been writing a mistake
But it's hard to erase the feelings I've drawn
I was caught in an awkward silence
Broken down by the sound of your prelude that you played to open our symphony

My Chemical Romance's lyrics flooded from the earphones planted to my ears as I sketched away onto a crisp white sheet of paper. This tour thing wasn't half bad when I got to spend time with the boys. The only part that was truely torturous was when I was alone with only my mind.

Mikey slept peacfully, his now obsidian hair tickling my neck and his calm breath creeping over the skin of my shoulders. I shuddered and followed my gaze towards Frankie who was versing Ray in a game of Madden and clearly winning; the goofy smirk over Frank's pierced lips and the wrinkled skin between Rays eyebrows giving that fact away.

Gerard was curled up with a ciggarette between his lips, not even lit as his fingers brushed over the keys of the laptop; possibly typing up another internet blog for their online fan-base. Bob sat next to him, head rested on his folded arms as he chuckled at what Gerard was apparently typing.

The soft lull of Mikey's heartbeat and the warm rays of the summer sunrise slowly made my eyes flicker shut, the words coursing through the earphones coming to a halt...

I've been sleeping with the sunrise watching hours pass away
Incidentally, I'm just waiting for the dusk to kill the day
And now I'm waiting for your call
While I bang on this piano like you care at all

Even in my dreams, I could see the pained expression fall over his serene face, breaking my heart from the inside out. I couldn't bear to meet those molten honey eyes for a second, my own hazel eyes beginning to flood once more.

"Shit..." I breathed sitting up to see the sun beginning to set through the tinted windows, the open road passing before my unblinking eyes. This was the third time I had waken up to the same dream, those damned almond eyes digging into my memory.

If that was the way it was going to be if I told him, why should I... or was it just my mind making my life a living Hell and getting a big kick out of it?

"What is it?" Mikey asked from besides me, rubbing my back with one hand, fixing his thick-rimmed glasses with the other. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, Mikey resting his head on my shoulder from behind, "Steph, you're really making us worry about you. You haven't even talked to us... or me."

"I don't know what is wrong with me..." I lied, shaking my head as I turned to meet those sad honey eyes, "Maybe it would just be best if I-"

"You're not leaving, Stephenie." he stated, face like stone, challenging me to continue with that subject, "I know there's something going on, but you just won't tell us... it's killing me Steph."

"That's not helping, Michael." I sighed and leaned back into his arms, feeling his warm skin pressed against my bare back, those sparks lighting in the pits of my stomach, "This isn't either. I can't bring myself to tell you want I want to say... and you think it's only killing you."

"Just give it time." Mikey's lips pulled into a comforting smile, his hands gently caressing the flesh of my thighs.

"Yeah... time."

If only there was enough...

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
And this is where my heart is cold and torn
As I hear the words you're saying tonight, I'm falling for them every single time

"Oh my god!" A smile fell over my lips, handing falling onto my stomach in sheer delight as I felt something stir. It was faint, but it was there...

"What is it?" Gerard poked his head into the hotel room from the restroom, head dripping wet from the shower. Mikey had gone downstairs moments before to retrieve Frankie who had been raiding the buffet, Ray tagging along for the hope of some form of entertainment.

He walked out in a black button-up shirt and tight black jeans, hair falling into his eyes in frizzy strings. Sitting down next to me on the bed, he leaned forward to study my hand.

"Here, feel!" I chirped, grabbing his hand and pressing it into my abdomen. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration and he moved his hand around, carefully pressing harder with his palm before he almost lept off the bed.

"Y-You're-"

"Shhhh!" I pressed my finger to his lips and crossed my legs on the bed, "I'm really sorry I've been making you guys worry and all, but this secret thing has been torturing me for two fucking months, and I have to get this out now."

"Continue."

"The other guys don't know... I didn't even mean for you to find out this soon." I shrugged and folded my arms over my chest in annoyance with myself. Why did I believe Gerard wouldn't listen to me?

Here the guy was, listening intently with a kind smile over his lips; the same emotion radiating from his eyes as they studied my scared figure.

I could feel my body shiver in confusion, biting my bottom lip for letting it slip out so fast without even thinking about the outcome.

"There's one thing I do need to know, although I have a very good idea on who it is..." Gerard whispered and lowered his gaze to meet mine, "Who's the father, Stephenie?"

"It's Mikey." I answered quickly, meeting his intense honey eyes... they were almost the same as his. My voice was shaky as I continued, the skin on my arms prickling from the cold air coming from the air conditioner, "I was so scared when I found out... I had missed my period, and then I was puking during your concert rehersals! I didn't want to tell anyone..."

"Why Stephenie?"

"Because I didn't want to be alone."

As the roses dip their heads a little further to the ground
There's a season change, and all the pinks and whites have turned to brown
Will we make it through the fall?
Yeah, are we gonna make it through this fall?
'Cause I don't wanna fall with you

Mikey's warm hand led me to the door of the hotel, holding open the door for me as I exited, a playful smile over my lips as he gave me a questioning stare, "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, I guess this little stop has just knocked some sense into me." I replied and took his hand once more in mine, holding it to my lips, giving them a soft kiss, "It took me 30 minutes with Gerard to discover that things weren't as bad as my mind portrayed them to be..."

"What are you talking about?" Mikey perked an eyebrow, throwing a confused expression at me, causing me to chuckle. "Is there something I should know?"

"There is sooo much that you should know."

So I'll waste these nights for a while
But I'll be holding on to you forever
(I'm trying, we're dying, yeah)
And this is where my heart is cold and torn

"Did you tell him yet?" Frank asked excitedly, poking his head into the bunk Mikey and I resided in, his lips pulled into that genuine Frankie grin, "Ohhh, did I interupt something?"

"Nope, you missed it." I shook my head and ruffled the black mop of hair on his head, making him stick out his tongue and scowl.

"Come on, Steph!"

"Tell me what, Stephenie?" Mikey asked, lips pursed in confusion, head resting on my chest, arms around my waist. His molten eyes stared down into mine, "You're gonna drive me crazy."

"Yeah! What is it, Steph?" Gerard chuckled, that evil grin over his lips as he peaked over the bunk, fingers tucked under his chin, "Mikey's the only one who doesn't know yet! I'm sure he'll be estatic!"

I'm taken by your hope-filled lines
They're well-designed and dragging me along

"Fine!" I barked, pushing them both out of the bunk as I sat up, streching my arms and fixing my white tanktop. Mikey came up with me pushing his glasses further up his nose, pulling open the bunk curtains and stepping out into the open.

The cushion of the bunk was just to comfortable, and I continued to sit, studying the obviously curious Mikey. His hands were planted firmly to the belt loops of his skinny jeans, the end of his black 'Zombie' shirt covering his fingers.

"Weeeeell?" Frankie sang and flopped back into the tour bus couch, feet flopping onto the wooden coffee table infront of him, "We don't have all day!"

"Shut up, Frankie!" I barked playfully, grabbing Mikey's jittery hands and holding them in my own. The butterflies fluttered from my stomach, throughout my body. This would possibly prove to be harder than actually professing my undying love for him when we were just friends.

"Mikey... I'm pregnant."

That same silence I was fearing radiated through the room, all attention on Mikey who's face was blank. However, a light glew from deep within those eyes... and began to become evident all over.

"A-Are you serious?"

I nodded, blonde hair messily falling onto my hazel eyes; a calloused hand came up and cleared them away, two soft lips caressing mine in a warm kiss, making those butterflies explode through my body. My fingers clenched onto the cotton material of the black t-shirt over his chest, running over his shoulders and latching around his neck.

"Was it that hard to tell me?" he asked, tears beginning to clutter at the rims of my eyes; a happy smile formed over his lips as he wiped once more at the smeared make-up under my eyes.

"Shut up." I pressed my lips to his once more, hoots and whistles coming from the boys who clapped and cheered from the couches. "I love you so much!"

I'll be waiting for this chance and I'll be gone

"I love you, too."