Sunsets to Sunrises

I ran down the steps of the stage, nearly tripping over my own feet. “Hey, John!” I called, distracting his attention away from Daisy. “Have you seen Kenny anywhere?”

“No,” he quickly replied, hastily returning back to Daisy.

“Oh, hun?” Daisy chirped in, “I think I saw him wandering over there,” she said, pointing in the direction of the merch booths.

“Thanks!” I waved and ran off, full sprint, towards the direction of Kennedy.

My feet skidded to a stop a few metres from the booths, collecting myself, running my hands nervously through my hair.

I took a deep breath and looked up, to see Kennedy about 20 metres away from me. I smiled. My smile was quickly dampered, though, at the sight of him. He stood at the other band’s booth chatting with one of their merch girls. A dark purple shirt clung to him from the sweat of the previous set, and close fitting jeans hugged his lean legs. He ran his hand through his hair, edging on too long. A smile broadened over his face, the other girl laughing. She, the merch girl, had on a pair of super-low rise skinny jeans and a tank top that exposed a little of her midriff. The top was a light pink, complementing her light blonde hair and tanned skin. As she laughed, she put her hand on Kennedy’s shoulder, shyly covering her mouth with her free hand.

Both anger and shame filled me. How did I expect Kennedy to be willing to take me back, after such a long time. After the way I’d treated him? I clenched my fists, all my frustration pooling in them, released through my tight squeezing. I could feel my skin chafing then scraping beneath my fingers; but I didn’t care. There was nothing I could do to undo what was happening. I let tears fall from my eyes, tiny trickles of blood trail down my now unclenched fists. They stung, my cuts mixing with the sweat on my clammy palms. I brought my thumb up to my eyes, wiping the salty water away. She made a loud, hiccupy noise, my shoulders heaving up and down, before turning to walk back to the van.

“Maddie?” I turned around to see Kennedy looking at me, the girl he’d been talking to had a look of utter confusion on her face.

“Yeah?” I spoke, hoping to keep this conversation as short as possible.

“What’s up?” Kennedy now walked towards me, his hands shoved nervously in his back pockets.

“I’m sorry to bother you Kennedy. I’m too late. Sorry. For. . .like. . .I don’t know. Everything.”

Kennedy just looked at me, stunned.

I crumpled at the knees, totally baffled and confused. There was no way to convince Kenny that I liked him after the way I’d treated him to so many years.

“Excuse me,” Kennedy brushed passed me and walked over to the girl he’d been talking to before.

{–}

“Maddie?” Jared poked his head in the van where I lay on the back bench seat, collapsed in a ball of tears.

“J-J-Jared,” my voice came out shaky. I’d gone to the van after Kennedy left me, and sobbed ever since. I’d finally learned that he was a good guy - I’d blamed the wrong person for Kennedy’s mistakes. Now, when I was ready to forgive and have him again, Kennedy wasn’t ready. I’d been a bitch to him for too long. I deserved it. “Kennedy. He-he-he,” I couldn’t finish.

“Shhh,” Jared now sat beside me, stroking my hair gently, “don’t worry.”

“Okay,” I sat up and let Jared hug me.

“Come on.” Jared pulled me onto my feet and out of the van, leading me out with my hand in his.

We stood outside the van, hands together, wondering what was going to happen next. We started casually walking to nowhere in particular, water still streaming down my face. I kept my eyes focussed on the pavement at my feet, almost automatically answering the questions he asked in attempt to start a conversation.

When I finally did look up, my eyes saw the exact thing I’d been avoiding.