Sunsets to Sunrises

[KENNEDY’S POV]
I stared at the pavement below my feet, bored out of my mind.

“You know what I’m saying?” the merch girl I’d been talking with earlier whined beside me.

“Er, yea,” even though I wasn’t. I’d been trying to pay attention to her, but there was nothing to this girl. She was all, for lack of a better word, fluff. Sure, she was cute, but she didn’t measure up to Maddie. I don’t think anyone did.

My eyes averted briefly from the pavement to look at the merch girl, keep her thinking that I was still interested. When I did though, I saw Maddie. Maddie with her hand laced up in Jared’s. Anger boiled inside me - that should be me, not Jared.

I hastily slipped my hand into the merch girl’s back skirt pocket. Focus, Kennedy. Maddie obviously doesn’t like you. There is no point trying anymore. I was saddened at this thought, but knew that my years of trying were over. There was no point. I though that after Jake she may learn the truth, and then everything would change. Clearly, she didn’t know or didn’t care.

I steered the merch girl away, in the opposite direction of Maddie and Jared. “So, what are you up to tonight?” I asked, playfully. It took more effort then it should to flirt with her.

Some people you will just never get over.

{–}
My hands were against her thighs, not really wanting to be. Music thumped and people pressed tightly together, grinding and dancing.

“So,” the merch girl, who I had learned was named Sophie, turned to face me, her arms draping over my shoulders. Her face lingered close to mine.

Any guy would be attracted to her. Any guy who wasn’t in love. I looked across the room to see Maddie standing with Jared, John and Kennedy, her hand laced up in Jared’s. Kennedy stood on the other side of Maddie, John’s back was turned to me.

“I gotta go, sorry,” I removed Sophie’s arms from my shoulders and walked off to the washroom to try and grasp what was going on.

[MADDIE’S POV]

My hands held onto Jared and Kennedy’s as John slurred words together in front of us. I wasn’t paying attention though. My eyes kept darting over to Kennedy, over John’s shoulder, who was dancing with that same girl. What he sees in her, I will never know.

“So! Then the lion says-” John was starting to say.

“Sorry, Johnny, I’ve got to go.” I quickly cut him off and left the party, not wanting to look at Kennedy anymore, who now had that girl’s arms around his shoulders.

I folded my arms together against the cold of the night and walked in the direction of the van, hoping that sleep would get Kennedy of my mind.

“Hey! Mad-diee!” I turned around and saw Jared staggering towards me, a red cup in either of his hands. “Here,” Jared held out one hand, offering the cup to me, while tipping the other to his mouth.

“Thanks,” I said taking a sip. “Whoa! Jared, what is in here?” I could feel heat in my mouth and a slight burning as I swallowed.

“Vodka and Red Bull, baby.” Jared now had his arm slung around my shoulder as we continued to walk nowhere in particular.

Normally I’d never touch that stuff. A shot here or there; I wasn’t insane enough to be drinking it out of a cup with Red Bull. I’m 5'3" for god sakes! After a few sips I’ll be gone. But these weren’t normal circumstances. Maybe, I thought as I looked down at the clear liquid, this would be better then sleep.

I tilted my head back, letting the liquid slid down, let out a breath, the burning replaced my a pleasant warmth.

“Hey, Jar-ed! Look at ME!” I shouted. I was standing on top of a building, my hands in the air, a breeze rustling my hair. “Come on up - it’s great.”

“Yeah. S-s-ure, babe.” Jared clumsily pulled himself up the ladder, soon joining me.

We both lay down beside each other, looking up at the night sky. It was totally clear - the stars were beautiful. If only Kennedy were here.

I tilted my head towards Jared, only to discover that he was already looking at me. All I could do was let out a little giggle and put my head on his chest. Jared’s arm wrapped itself around my back and his hand rested on my hip.

“It’s so loverly out,” was all I could think of to say, perhaps a little too loud. I looked over to Jared when he didn’t respond. “Jared?” But his green eyes were covered by their lids, his breath heavy. I smiled at his peacefulness, wishing that I could achieve that too - just escape from this insanity that was my life.

“Oh, Kenny!” I bolted upright and looked down to the ground. There were Kennedy and that girl, again, walking together.

“Sophie,” Kennedy replied, putting his arm around her.

This girl, Sophie, pulled her hand away from his and gave him a little push on his shoulders. Anger boiled inside me. That was my Kenny she was touching. But my anger was soon replaced with guilt, knowing that I’d had my chance with Kennedy and blew it. We both had.

They were now were leaning against the building across from the on I was on top of. I closed my eyes, hoping that I could keep from crying. The last thing I wanted was for Kennedy to see me up here. Quickly I closed my eyes and put my head back on Jared’s chest, wishing myself invisible.

KENNEDY’S POV

I walked with Sophie, taking her home after the party. Frankly, it was boring. I’d spent the entire time thinking about Maddie. It seemed like the more I tried to get her out of my mind, the more she stuck. Like those tubes you stick to the ends of your fingers. The harder to try to pull away, the more it tightens. Only when you come together will the tension be released.

“Kenny, I’m cold,” Sophie whispered in my ear. She rubbed her hands against her arms, as if to prove that she was. My eyes dropped to her legs and saw so bumps. I raised my eyebrows at her, as if to say Oh, really?. I knew perfectly well that she wasn’t. Our tour was a small one, no father then California. It was summer break. Need I say more?

“Oh, Kenny!” Sophie rubbed her shoulder up against my and leaned her head on my shoulder.

“Sophie.” I replied, playfully. I put my arm around her anyways, figuring there was now harm in it. My mind, meanwhile, was making up nightmarish fictions about what Maddie was doing right now. Was she with Jared? What was she doing with him? Or was she with someone else entirely?

But my mind didn’t have to create stories any longer. I turned my face away from Sophie up to the sky, admiring the clearness of it all. Something, though caught my eye. Quickly my vision averted away from the sky and to the roof of the building opposite Sophie and I. I blinked. Once. Twice. Yes, there was no denying it. Jared lay up there. He lay there with Maddie, my Maddie, on top of him, both asleep. Jealously, anger and regret emerged.

I looked at Sophie, her small arms both wrapped around mine. “Do you, er, wanna go someplace?” It sounded even worse saying it out loud. I didn’t want this with Sophie. But Maddie didn’t need me anymore. She had Jared, clearly, and I’m tired of wasting my time.

Her eyes lit up a little, a smile spread across her mouth. “Yeah,” she whispered into my ear.

What the fuck am I doing?[i/] was all that was going through my mind. While Sophie was kissing me. Taking off my pants. Her shirt. That was all I could think of.

Sophie kissed me hard on the crook of my neck, her hands venturing around the line of my boxer-briefs. Her head came up, face to face with mine, and our eyes locked. She tugged down my underwear slowly. My previous thought became more prevalent. Voices screamed at me inside my head. Not in a phyisophrenic type of way. But it was more like my mind telling my body to stop, stop, stop but that what I was doing was out of my control. My mind was telling, pleading, for me to do one thing, yet my body was too in shock of my suddenly stronger feelings for someone else.

“Sorry,” I finally managed to say, “I can’t do this. To myself or you Soph’. I’m not being fair.” I pulled myself out from under her, kissed her cheek, and left.

I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. Ever.