Jellybeans

((I GOT MY LAPTOP BACK! Muahahaha…. So sorry loves about the late update.))

I’m not in pain.
No, I’m ignoring it. It’s not there.
I’m not here.
I’m gone, in a place where there is no pain.
I’m floating…

A hand with long fingers ran their way through the short blonde hair. The small girl was curled on her side, her pale arms wrapped around her own stomach in nausea. The futon was put to good use – though Violet wasn’t the brightest crayon in the shed*, she knew that attempting to get the unconscious, 104 pound girl up upon the loft bed would have ended badly for both of them.
Gravity was still in state, though the world had been turn upside down.
“Fucking hell,” The brunette mumbled, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she glanced out towards the rising sun. It had been a little more than an hour since she had practically saved her best friend’s life.
Scratch that – she had saved her life.
The nauseating pile of regurgitated food and pills on the balcony less than twelve feet away was a constant reminder of that. She wanted to get up, to clean it off, to get rid of the memory and pretend it didn’t happen.
But it did, and she couldn’t will herself to leave the smaller girl’s side.
Her slightly blurred vision fixed on the blonde once again.
Her light breathing tickled the skin on her stomach slightly, where the large t-shirt had drawn up on her waist line.
The queasy, churning feeling seemed to be permanently turning within her. The light puffs of air reminded her that the girl was in fact, still alive.
But it still scared the living hell out of her to think she almost lost her.
She closed her eyes, leaning her head back to look up at the ceiling fan. Tears trailed down her smooth features, pattering slightly as they dribbled off her chin and fell upon Kayleigh’s face.
“Why?” She croaked out, smoothing the ruffled hair again, for the umpteenth time that hour. A vicious circle of the brunette running her hand through the soft locks, and then smoothing them down again. She wasn’t sure if it was to sooth the smaller girl, or herself.
“Do you want to leave that badly?” She willed herself to look down upon the sleeping form. Only to find the hazel eyes open.
They were clouded, confused definitely.
“V-Vi?” She ground out in a sandpapery voice. Violet twitched and shifted her weight so the girl’s head rested in her lap.
“Shhh, yeah, it’s me.” She whispered; her voice was shallow – as if she was afraid if she spoke any louder, her smooth and seemingly calm voice would crack and show the true fear, the true pain underneath it all.
“Th-this… really m-must be heaven then.” The girl smiled in a sad, but bemused way as her eyes fluttered closed again.
After a moment, Violet’s quiet voice reached the blonde’s ears again. “Kay?”
“Mm?”
“W-why…” She took a deep breath, “Why did you try to kill yourself?” Her voice finally cracking.
Hazel met blue in a clash of competing emotions, both equally matched in their intensity before the hazel eyes flickered away.
The world was still.
The air shook as it passed through the blonde’s mouth; her eyes squeezed shut tightly, as if willing the world to just go away.
“So then… I’m… not dead?”
Violet shook her head.
“Y-you… saved me?”
She nodded, brunette hair splaying around as she moved her head.
“Why?”
“Hey, I asked first.”
“S-so?”
“So, you answer first.”
“Y-you… just answered t-two questions.”
“Shut up and answer my question,” Violet’s voice turned stern as she glared down at her small friend.
The silence was back as their bickering faded away to history.
She tilted her head up to stare at her friend’s face – she seemed so… far away. Though Kayleigh was literally on top of her.
“B-because… you hate me? O-or… you should.”
Violet stared in awe.
“How the fuck could I hate you?”
The blonde cowered slightly, “D-didn’t you h-hear me yesterday?”
“What?” The word was blunt.
And then the earth came crashing down around them, because of some freak anomaly, Kayleigh seemed to realize how incredibly dense her best friend was.
“I have nothing to lose, not anymore. Because this is inevitable. It’ll be easier if she hates me.”
Kayleigh reached her hand up, very gently taking the side of Violet’s head. A sad smile crossed the pale lips as she guided her friend’s face down to hers.
“I-I love you,” She whispered, meeting their lips for the second time in their lives. Heat coursed through Kayleigh’s body as her system seemed to jump at the sudden adrenaline rushing into her system.
Violet’s eyes widened in shock. “L-love?”
Never in the brunette’s life had she actually expected love from her. She knew - she had realized how badly she treated her friend. And… she…
As they parted again, Kayleigh offered another sad smile at the confused teenager above her. “W-we’re gonna b-be okay, right?”
Violet’s fingers brushed her mouth lightly, “Y-yeah…” Her mind going a mile a minute with this new data.
“She loves me…”