I Nick Jonas Hate the Bass Player

I awoke in the hospital bed and rested my hand on my stomach. Having a panicked reaction as to why my stomach was starting to look smaller than it was before, I realized there was no longer a bump where my twins had been; it was just... lumpy.

As I sat up in my bed a tear fell down my face and I rested my hands on my head, rested on my lap.

“You’re awake, good” Nick said kissing my head
“Well, I’m not a happy awake person, that’s for sure” I said still depressed
“It’s ok though. We’re going to get through this, I promise!” he said

“Nick, how are things going to be ‘ok’? I…we just lost our children. I don’t know if this is my fault but I feel like it slightly is”
“It’s not your fault babe”
“Then whose fault is it?” I said stern

He stood there in silence and placed his hands in his pockets. At that moment his head fell and his smile turned from a straight line across his face, leaving my mind to wander.

“It’s your fault Nick!” I said crying to him
“You’re right. It is my fault, just like everything else in life right?” he said starting to get sarcastic
“Nick, this is your fault so man up and admit it!” I yelled at him
“Be a man? Haha, well someone took their bitch pill today because obviously you think me admitting that I killed my children is going to make things better. If anything I think you’re psychotic and I’m glad we never had Jeremiah & Daphne because like I said before, you’d be the worst fucking mother ever!”

I grabbed my water bottle and threw it at him but he caught it. What he said killed me and I was beyond mad at him at this point, but I wasn’t going to let him have the last say in our argument. I never gave up and I’ll prove to him that he is the wrong one.

“You know what Nick, if you think I’m a bad mother, then I think it would have been best of Jeremiah 7 Daphne didn’t meet their father…BECAUSE HE’D BE DEAD IN AFGHANISTAN!!”

I covered my mouth with my eyes wide, realizing what I just said but it was the truth. Remembering back to our argument about how he’s different since Afghanistan, I instantly wanted to swallow my foot and grab him, apologizing.

He walked to the foot of the bed and placed his hands on the foot post and smiled sarcastically, now beyond mad.

“You know what? I’m done with you! You and your bipolar mind and how you will blame everything that goes wrong in your life on someone else. However, it almost always is your fault! The fact that my wife, the woman I thought was the love of my life, wants me dead and she thinks I killed my unborn children? Well I think that’s enough for me to either call it quits with us or call it quits on myself!”

I was getting more angry with him just as he was getting more angry with me.

“No Nick, you know what? I always go back to you, thinking that – somehow – it’ll be different this time, but you always end up hurting me, again and again. I’ve hurt my friends for you. I’ve given up my family for you, but I can’t stand it anymore, Nick. We’re through. Over.”

He didn’t have anything else to say but you saw his face fall from anger to sadness when I yelled back at him, trying to make him angry as well.

“Well, I guess it’s over then.”

He grabbed his coat, putting it on and placed his sachet over his shoulder. As he was about to walk out, he looked back at me, watching my tears fall down my face and sighed.

“I never thought walking away from you would be this hard”

My breathing tightened and my chest went up as I tried to breathe but I couldn’t let him go out that door. Tears were falling down my eyes in anger but in sadness, knowing Nick would be out of my life.

“Nick, please don’t make this harder than what it is. If you want to leave then leave, don’t lead me on”

At that moment I saw him release his hand from the knob and start to walk to me but he stopped dead in his tracks, looked at me and walked back to the door, slamming it.

I thought that at that moment Nick was going to run back to me and we’d make up but, he didn’t…he obviously wanted out of my life.
*************************************************************************************

As I was wheeled out of my room, I was fully dressed, ready to go home. I needed to get out of the hospital and clear my mind. Since Nick isn’t in my life anymore I needed to find a way to get over him…for the hundredth time.

The door was opened to the car as I got into the car, slowly. As I sat in the seat I saw it was Joe’s Mercedes and I felt comfortable again.

“Well Mrs. Jonas, we wish you best of luck. Your bag with your things is in the back seat. You take care of yourself” the nurse said
“I will thank you” I said quietly

Joe drove off from the hospital and he was quiet as the ride to my apartment began. The atmosphere was very awkward and I was wondering what he would say.

“You know he’s still at the living there right?”
“I thought he would have moved out by now…”
“Well, he moved into the nursery and out of your room. He said something about living in the room his children live in, in spirit.”

I sat down into my seat deeper and I didn’t feel like talking about this anymore.

“Do you know anything about th-“
“NO!”
“Ok, I’m just asking. He’s just been acting really weird since yesterday and it’s kinda creeping me out.”
“Well, I guess I’ll have to deal with that when I get there won’t I?” I asked now irritated

Joe didn’t respond nor did he say anything the rest of the ride to the apartment. When he pulled up next to the curb I grabbed my bag and looked back at Joe.

“You know if you need something I’m just a call away, right?” he asked
“Yeah, thanks Joe” I said
“No problem” he said

As he drove off I looked up at the apartment window that would be Nick & I’s and saw it was on.

“He’s up. Well Laura, lets get this over with so you can go to sleep and tomorrow will be another day. Nothing like going to bed early”

I kept talking to myself, mentally, to get myself up the stairs to the apartment door. Placing the key into the lock I took a deep breath and turned the nob. Walking in I heard hard rock music coming from the nursery, with the door shut and the light on. I set my stuff down on the couch and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass from the cupboard. Grabbing a ginger ale from the fridge, I shut the door to see Nick standing there behind the door, staring at me. In shock I dropped the soda and grabbed my chest.

“Nick, you scared me” I said monotone and picking the soda up.

I walked over to where my glass was and opened the soda slowly making sure it didn’t come out like a volcano. When I poured it in, I felt Nick looking at me so I looked over my shoulder and got a good glimpse of him in the light. I turned around and leaned against the counter, taking a sip of my soda but stared at him. His eyes had bags, he was wearing dark clothes and he didn’t say much to me.

“I moved out of the room and into my own. I wanted my space since we’re not together anymore”

I placed the soda down on the counter and walked to him, slowly with one step at a time.

“You didn’t have to do that Nick”

He looked up at me, dead in the eyes and he went from calm to angry.

“Yes I did!”

He pushed the glass into the sink and it shattered. Walking off I yelled after him.

“WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS?” I yelled
“WHY?!? WHY!!!! BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE ANYONE ANYMORE! I LOST MY WIFE, MY KIDS AND WHO IS NEXT?!? MY FAMILY??? NO THAT’S NOT HAPPENING!!”

He walked into his room and slammed the door. I walked to it and knocked on it.

“NICK, OPEN THE DOOR!” I yelled over the music
“NO!! GO THE FUCK AWAY!!”
“FINE!!”

I walked into the kitchen and cleaned the glass up from the sink. Cleaning that up kept my mind off Nick but I knew I needed something to get us back in food terms before we end up back in divorce court. I was hungry so I made a peanut butter and banana sandwich. Cutting it in half I placed the other half onto another plate for Nick. I wrote a note and took the sandwich with me to the door. I slipped the note under the door and placed the plate right at the door crack. Walking into my room I waited until I saw the shadow of the door open and the sound of the plate cling against the door frame before I shut the door.

That night in bed I never thought that I’d get to sleep but I did…somehow Nick never left my mind.

How did my life fall apart like this? What made all of this fall again and what did I do so wrong that made Nick and I fight yet again? It felt good though to tell him how I truly felt. It’s all true about how many people I’ve had to give up on or I’ve had to forget about just to be with Nick. Nick…Nick, is my life.

At 1:30 AM I got a call in the middle of the night. I reached over to the phone on Nick’s side and picked it up.

“LAURA!!!!” I heard
“Who is this?” I asked groggy and tired
“IT’S JOE!! LAURA, I NEED YOU TO GET DOWNTOWN NOW!!!”
“Joe what’s wrong?” I asked
“TURN ON THE TV!!!”

I went through Nick’s side drawer and moved junk like magazines, condoms and pain pills when I found the remote. I turned on the TV and it turned onto the news.

“WE’RE LIVE HERE ON THE 14TH STREET BRIDGE AS A LIVE SUICIDE ATTEMPT IS UNDER WAY!!”

“Joe, why am I watching this?” I asked
“Laura…that guy is Nick”