This Deep Secret

It was happening again. He was smiling at me, melting my heart and bruising the lining of my stomach. The bastard was just sitting there smiling at me, making me feel uncomfortable, but I couldn’t help but to smile back. I probably looked like a retard.

We were sitting in Government class at Barrington High. The teacher wasn’t back from lunch yet, so everyone was just sitting around, talking and listening to iPods, texting on cell phones, and goofing off. He, on the other hand, was smiling at me, getting my nerves jumbled and out of whack.

I pulled out my notebook and began reading over the last thing I had written for the story I was working on. After reading the last paragraph at least four times, I looked up, trying to think of what to write next. He was still smiling. Okay, it was just getting creepy now.

“What are you smiling at, Creeper?” I asked, joking.

He shook his head, “I’m just happy right now.”

I snorted, “Why?

He shrugged, “No reason.”

I raised an eyebrow at him, “You’re so weird.”

He shrugged again, grin spread across his lips.

With one last look I went back to my notebook. He wasn’t normally that creepy and that made me curious as to why he was acting that way.

I drove home right after school like I did everyday. My little hunk of metal I bought on my own was my only way of transportation. I shared the house with my mother and little brother, Aiden. My parents had gotten a divorce after Aiden was born three and a half years ago. That’s one of the reasons why we moved to Barrington back then. That and reasons I can’t explain.

On my first day at Barrington High, I met William Beckett. I was assigned a spot next to him in English and he offered me a seat to sit in at the table he sat at at lunch. We became best friends quickly.

“Mom, I’m home!” I called out as I opened the door to the one story three bedroom house I called home.

“In here!” I heard my mother call out from the kitchen.

I made my way into the kitchen where Aiden was sitting at the table in a booster seat, eating fresh fruit.

Aiden had a dark mop of hair on his head, just like me. He had green eyes, just like me. And he was small for his age, just like me. We were definitely related.

My mom, on the other hand, had beautiful straight blonde hair and blue eyes. I looked nothing like her and neither did Aiden. We looked like our father.

“Hey Sweetie, how was school?” My mother asked from the sink, where she was doing dishes.

I sat down next to Aiden and stole a piece of watermelon.

“Hey!” He protested.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “It was fine. William was being really creepy, though.”

Her brow furrowed as she scrubbed a pot, “How so?”

I shrugged, taking a grape. Aiden looked at me, annoyed. I chuckled at his expression. “He was just being really weird and wouldn’t stop smiling at me during Government.”

She smirked, “Maybe he likes you.”

My heart sped up at her words. I coughed, trying to slow down my pumping heart. “Don’t be ridiculous, Mother, we’re seventeen. I’m sure he wouldn’t just straight up smile at me like a creeper to get his feelings out there.”

She scoffed, “Would he “straight up” come out and say it to you?” She moved on from the put to a few cups. “Harper, guys aren’t like that. I think it’s about time that you just tell him.”

Oh yeah, she knows about my crush.

“Face it; it’s been six and a half months since it happened. It’s not just a simple crush anymore, Babes.” She turned off the faucet and unplugged the water sitting in the sink.

I sighed, “I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship; I’m quite fond of him.”

She laughed, light and airy, “I know you’re fond of him, Harper.”

I rolled my eyes then looked down at Aiden. His plate was empty, his mouth was sticky.

“Want to go get washed up?” He nodded, “Okay, come on little man.”

I got up as he climbed down from the booster.

“He looks just like you, Per.” My mother said as she wiped her hands on a dish towel.

I looked at her sadly, “I know.”

“Harper,” I heard him yell from the bathroom.

“Coming, Aiden!”

That little boy was my life.

I loved spending time with my brother. He was smart for his age and knew how to take care of himself in many different ways. My mom’s pregnancy took everyone by surprise, why wait fourteen years to have another kid? It was certainly unplanned.

William was over. It was around seven and we were hanging out in my room. Aiden was there, too only because him and William got along so well. William loved the kid and vice versa.

“Hey Lights,”

I looked up from my notebook as I heard him say the nickname he gave me. The day I met him, I told him I wanted to go see the City of Lights someday and he started calling me Lights. It just stuck even after four years.

“Hmm?” I asked then looked back down at my notebook.

He was smiling again. That same creepy smile. I had to look somewhere else before I started to stare.

“I have something to tell you.”

My heart began to race just as before. He got up off of the floor where he was helping Aiden build a castle out of big colored blocks and sat down on my bed.

I looked at him. Was he going to confess his love for me? I started freaking out a little bit on the inside. I would not let it show on the outside.

“You know how Fall Out Boy signed with Fueled By Ramen?”

My heart broke. He wasn’t going to confess anything to me. Extremely disappointed, I croaked out a “yeah”

“Well he talked to the guy there and got him to come check us out. He’ll be at the next show.”

William was in a band, The Academy, and he sand lead vocals. I knew this was the big break he desperately sought since he gave up sports and picked up a guitar. Despite my disappointment, I was ecstatic for him and his band mates.

“That’s great, William!” I exclaimed then threw my arms around his thin frame.

His arms snaked around my waist and I inhaled sharply, feeling goose bumps on my arms. He held me tightly to his chest and whispered, “I know” in my ear.

I shivered as his breath hit my ear, hoping he didn’t notice.

That. That right there was when I realized that it wasn’t just some little crush. The way he smiled at me when he finally released me from his grasp made my stomach erupt into a fit of angry butterflies, no moths, pounding away at my insides. I was a goner.