This Deep Secret

It was the day of the show. Friday. He was pacing my kitchen as I made Aiden something to eat.

“What if they don’t like us?” He questioned.

“They’ll love you.” I said while I pouring the hard macaroni noodles into the boiling water.

“What if I forget the lyrics?”

“You can sing those lyrics in your sleep.” I stirred the noodles.

“What if I trip and fall flat on my face?”

I stayed quiet, still stirring. He stopped pacing and faced me.

“This is where you’re supposed to say “you’re as graceful as an angel, Bill.”"

I looked at him, “But you’re not. You’re very uncoordinated, Bill.”

He let out a strained scream, “We’re going to bomb tonight, I know it.” Back to pacing.

I sighed, slamming the spoon down onto the counter. It didn’t stop him. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. His long legs only made two steps each way. Honestly I was growing sick of it.

I stepped in his path and he stopped abruptly.

“Just stop. You have nothing to worry about. You’ll be great.” I smiled.

He gave me a small smile back then sat down at the table, “Sorry I’m freaking out so bad. It’s just that this is out shot, you know?” He asked.

I nodded idly as I stirred the noodles.

“When should your mom be home? I want you to come to the venue early with me.”

I turned and raised an eyebrow at him in question; he never wanted me to go early with him.

He smiled sheepishly, “You calm my nerves and keep me sane.”

Cue giant moths. That boy will be the death of me.

William was grasping onto my hand as if if he let go the world would explode. It was starting to annoy me; he wouldn’t let go and wherever he went I went. At the moment we were sitting up against the backstage wall. His head was between his knees and he was repeating the lyrics to himself over and over. I desperately wanted to calm him down, but I knew nothing would help him until he was on stage, so I let him freak out a bit first.

“Billvy, you’re going to have to let go of my hand because I’m not going on stage with you.” I said as we waited side-stage for their cue to go on.

The whole band was jumping around, pumped with adrenaline. William was still clutching my hand for dear life. Whenever I tried to pry it out of his grasp, his hold got tighter.

“One minute” A stagehand yelled.

I looked at William; he was looking at me, wide-eyes.

“Hey,” I said, getting his attention, “you’re going to do great just go out there and do it as if that guy isn’t in the crowd. You’re freaking out for no reason.”

He nodded then pulled me into a bone crushing hug, still clutching onto my hand.

“You’re on in ten seconds.” The stagehand yelled.

William kissed my cheek. Immediately my cheeks burned red. I was making it so obvious. Maybe he already knew, I wouldn’t doubt it.

Up until the last second, as he was walking on stage did he let go of my hand.

They only had a half hour to show what they were made of. It was an opening slot at a Fall Out Boy hometown show. I knew they could do it.

Half way through the set, I felt a presence behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw the bassist of Fall Out Boy, Pete, watching the set intently. I’d known him almost as long as I’d known William, but I hadn’t seen him since before they went on tour and got signed.

“Hey Pete.” I smiled.

He looked down and smiled back, “Hey Harper. How are you?” He asked, making his way next to me.

“I’m pretty good. What about you? How does it feel to be signed to an actual label?”

He chuckled, “It feels pretty damn good. I’m hoping Academy will be next on the roster.” He folded his arms across his chest. “They’re good enough to be signed. Probably better than FOB.”

I nodded then looked back at William’s energetic form running around the stage, putting his heart into every song. “It was really nice of you to recommend them to FBR.”

Pete shrugged, “They deserve it.”

I had to leave before they got offstage. My mom texted me saying that I had to watch Aiden because she was getting sick of it. We had that kind of understanding, if she was getting tired of Aiden, I’d step in and help out as much as I possibly could.

I told Pete to tell William where I went as soon as he saw him. He’d most likely be upset, but there was nothing I could do about it.

---

I’d expected him to call me as soon as he got offstage, but he didn’t. I didn’t get a call from his all night. It didn’t make sense. He was holding my hand all night (most likely from nerves, but still) then he goes and doesn’t even call me. I mean, he doesn’t have to. It would have been nice though. I was just being pathetic. I couldn’t help it; he did that to me.