This Deep Secret

It was a hard weekend; I actually wasn’t better. I stayed in bed all weekend and had to miss The Academy’s show. Bummed out, I opted to just listen to their EP the whole time.

William and I never talked about what happened when he talked to me on the phone. It was sort of confusing, but I went along with it even though it was bugging me.

Come Monday, I decided I would finally go back to school even though I was feeling like crap. I parked my old Honda next to William’s old truck and got out. I hadn’t realized he was standing by the tailgate. Lugging my book bag on my shoulder, I started to walk to the back of my car, looking down at my shoes.

Suddenly I ran into something or someone. The smell told me it was William. I looked up at the smiling boy.

“Sorry.” I apologized, “I didn’t see you there.”

He shrugged, “It’s fine.” He let me walk by him and towards the school across the parking lot. “How are you feeling?” He questioned, easily keeping up with me due to his long legs.

I lifted my hand and rocked it back and forth in a “so-so” way.

He looked at me sympathetically, “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged, “It’s not like you got me sick.” I tried to smile, but it came out a little half heartedly.

As we neared the entrance of the school and into crowds of people, William gently laced his fingers with mine. It caught me a bit off guard. Sure we held hands before, but this time it felt different.

I looked up at him, slightly shocked, but he kept his gaze forward as if he hadn’t just grabbed my hand. I looked down and smiled to myself. Maybe today would be a good day.

William walked me to my first class and just stood there awkwardly. It was adorable how he stammered over his words. Finally he huffed, leaned down and kissed my cheek then walked away.

I giggled as I walked into my English class. Sitting down in my seat, the girl In front of me, who I talked to occasionally turned around.

“What’s going on with you and Beckett?” She smiled.

I shrugged, “Honestly, I don’t know.”

She looked at me an “uh huh” look. “You’re gone for three days and you come back and he’s all over you.”

I looked at her confused, ‘He wasn’t all over me.”

She nodded, “The way he was acting with you right now was so different than normally. Anyone could tell he’s trying not to make a fool of himself. He likes you.”

My mouth opened in shock. Once I overcame it I began to retaliate, but the teacher called the class to order. She turned back around, smirking.

I was so confused. I mean, yeah, he kissed me, but it didn’t mean he liked me like she said he did.

----

“Come on; let’s go off campus for lunch.” William said as he approached me coming out of fourth period. He was smiling at me as people looked on at us.

“Uhm, yeah, sure.” My mind was spinning; why were people looking at us the way they were?

William laced his fingers with mine like earlier and led me to where our cars were parked.

“Mine or yours?” He asked as we neared the two vehicles.

“Hmm... let’s go with yours.”

He nodded and pulled me toward his Chevy. The CD player was blasting some Brand New album. Humming along as he pulled out of the stall, I pondered my thoughts. A few minutes alone in my own head I blocked everything else out.

“Earth to Lights.” William’s hand was waving in front of my face.

I jumped out of my thoughts and looked at him, “Huh?”

He chuckled, “Where do you want to go?”

I shrugged, “It doesn’t matter to me. Just make sure there’s soup there.”

He smiled, “Okay, are you okay with skipping the rest of the day?”

I probably shouldn’t have since I hadn’t gone to school in so long, but I just didn’t feel up to it anymore.

“Yeah, sure.”

He nodded then started driving towards a random shopping center. I was lost in thought again.

I hadn’t realized we had arrived until the heater turned off from lack of power.

He was staring at me concerned, “Are you okay?”

I nodded, “I’m fine. I’m just spacing out a lot today.”

He was trying to read me, I could tell. Before he got a look into my soul, I opened the door and got out. He followed my lead after a few seconds alone in the truck. We walked up to the door (which I had realized was Red Robin) in silence.

We were seated immediately at a booth that would usually seat four. There weren’t many people at the restaurant, so it was quieter than normal. We were silent still, just breathing and heartbeats. It wasn’t an awkward silence. It was more of an ‘okay-so-we’re-here-what-next?’ silence.

Finally, after our waitress brought us our drinks and we ordered, I sighed, “So what’s new?” I asked then took a sip of my raspberry iced tea.

He shrugged, “Nothing really. Just writing dongs and doing the school thing.”

I nodded just because I had nothing else to say. It was hard to keep conversation flowing.

After a couple of quiet seconds between us, he spoke. “What about you?”

I shrugged, “Just being sick. Also a bit confused.”

I think he knew what I was talking about because he averted his eyes.

“Oh yeah? About what?” He took a sip through his straw.

I gave him a simple answer. “You.”

He looked up at me from under his slowly growing bangs, but didn’t say anything.

I sighed, “What’s going on between us, Billvy?” I decided to use his nickname.

I saw him smile to himself, “Well,” He began nervously, “I might o-or might n-not have f-feelings for you.” He stuttered. HE did that when he was nervous.

“W-what kind of feelings?” I didn’t want him to be talking about something else even though it was pretty obvious of what kind of feelings he was admitting to.

“uhm, well I like you. M-more than a-a-a-a friend.” He smiled sheepishly. “A lot more.”

I think that’s when all of the butterflies and moths erupted into a riot in my stomach.

A wide grin took over my face as I took a hold of his hands on the table. “Is that so?” I don’t think I could describe the amount of happiness that surged through my body when he nodded. “Well I kind of like you as more than a friend, too.” Once I heard him admit his feeling for me I got this sudden confidence.

He smiled widely at me then lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. The moment was ruined when his cell phone rang.

He let go of one of my hands to pull it out of his pocket. He looked at the screen confused then answered with a tentative “hello?” His express quickly changed into one of recognition and smiled. “Oh, right. Hello.”

I watched, confused.

In the matter of seconds he was speechless and stuttering. “y-y-yes, I-I-I can’t b-believe it. Thank you so much.” He was smiling a great big smile that showed off all of his teeth. “Okay, Sir. Yes, yes, mhm, okay... all right. Thank you again, you won’t regret it.” He quickly hung up and smiled at me. “You will never guess who that was.”

I had to smile at how excited he was. “Who?”

He paused for dramatic effect, “Fueled By Ramen.”

My eyes widened.

“They want to sign the band.”

Now my mouth dropped open. His band was getting signed. What did that mean for everyone here at home? He’d forget about everyone. Inside I was panicking (and most likely jumping to conclusions), but on the outside I was excited.

“Wow, that’s amazing!” I exclaimed. His eyes were sparkling and his smile dazzling. “I’m so proud of you.” I smiled.

“I have to tell the others!” He let go of my other hand and started texting everyone in the band.

The subject of where we were relationship-wise was dropped.

William had an aurora around him that was filled with happiness. He was walking on cloud nine while I walked underneath him on cool, wet grass.

-----

We drove around Barrington until his truck pulled up to an old park. He switched off the engine and looked at me.

“Are you feeling the swings?” He asked.

A smile slowly spread across my lips. I quickly opened the door and jumped out then ran over to the chained rubber. As soon as I sat down, I was flying. William hadn’t even made it halfway across the sandbox. I laughed when he finally made it to the swings.

Slowing down, I looked at him as he smiled at me. To him, his world was complete.

“What are you smiling at?” I asked smiling a bit.

“Today is such a good day.” He grabbed onto the chains of my swing and stood in front of me.

I looked up at him, “Because your band got signed?” I asked.

He shrugged, “That’s one reason.”

I tilted my head to the side, “What’s the other reason?”

His legs were spread apart across mine; he was basically straddling me without making body contact. There was less than a foot between us. My eyes were leveled with his chest.

“I got the girl of my dreams.” He leaned down and pressed his lips onto mine.

The force of his body on mine caused me to lean back. He kept his lips attached as I kept leaning back. In one final second I was on the ground, legs still in the swing. William was spread out on me, legs also in the swing.

“ow.”