This Deep Secret

My mother was sick. I had gotten her sick somehow. So I was left with watching Aiden. Taking him to daycare, picking him up from daycare, making him a snack when he got home, keeping an eye on him as he played with his toys, making or picking up dinner. All of this and my own stuff. Make up work, homework, dealing with William, and peace and quiet so I could relax.

William and I were “together” I guess. We didn’t have the talk about where we stood relationship-wish. We held hangs, hugged, kissed, and did other couple-y stuff. Did that qualify us as a couple?

The Academy was flying out to Florida to sign their record contract. They’d be there for “four days tops” then come back. They were the talk of Barrington High. Everyone was going around saying things like “I can’t believe blah blah blah.” Girls were throwing themselves at William. All the girls were saying I was just with him to ride the fame train. It was all complete bullshit.

I was being stared at as I walked from class to class. William was already down in sunny Florida while I dealt with the gawking stares.

“How’s Florida?” I asked into my phone at lunch. I had called him right when the bell rang.

“It’s great. Very sunny.”

“When are you going to be back?” I was sitting in my car, listening to the local rock station.

“The plane gets in at nine on Saturday.”

I was quiet as I listened to an old Radiohead song that projected through the speakers.

“How are you?” He asked quietly.

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me.

“You know I can’t see when you shrug.”

I chuckled. It was amazing how well he knew me. “I’m just tired.” As if on cue, I yawned.

He laughed, “Obviously.”

I smiled slightly. We sat in silence for a minute or two, just listening to each other’s breathing.

“I miss you.” I said quietly.

“I miss you, too. You don’t even understand how much. I wish you could have come with us down here.”

Visions of lying out on the beach with William flooded my mind. “I wish I did, too; I can’t take anymore of the stares.”

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Everyone’s saying that I’m with you just because your band got signed. They say I’m using you for fame.”

He got angry now, “What? That’s ridiculous-“

“I know. I mean, come on, if I wanted to use someone for fame it’d obviously be Pete.” I joked.

He laughed, “Nice to know I’m loved.”

In the distance, I heard the bell ring. Groaning, I dropped my head against the steering wheel.

“What?”

“The bell rang. I don’t want to go.” I whined.

“You have to. Don’t let them get to you, okay? You’re better than them.”

I smiled slightly at his words; he always knew how to make me feel better. “Okay.” I got out of my car and began walking to the front of the school, still on the phone.

“Don’t list to them. Hold you head high.”

I smiled fully now. “Okay. I will. I have to go, though.”

William whined.

“I’ll call you in a couple of hours and tell you if I got into any fights or not.”

He laughed, “Okay, I’ll be waiting for your call.”

I ended the call and stuffed my phone into my pocket, walking into the school with eyes following my every move. Taking William’s advice, I held my head high and continued to walk to Government. William was supposed to be in that class. Thinking about this made me sad. I frowned as I walked inside.

Shockingly enough, the teacher was already there, writing the assignment on the board. The bell rang and he began taking roll.

“Beckett?” He called out. “William Beckett?”

Well obviously he wasn’t going to answer since he was in Florida.

“Does anyone know where Beckett is?”

Everyone turned to look at me.

Sighing, I answered, “He’s in Florida on business.”

Whispers broke out throughout the room.

“I heard he’s signing a record deal.” True.

“It sucks that Harper’s using him for the fast track to fame.” I squeezed me eyes shut. Not true.

“I can’t believe she would do that to him. He’s obviously in love with her.”

My eyes quickly opened as I stared down at the desk in front of me. Could William possibly be in love with me? He’d only come clean about liking me the other day. This was all beginning to be so Junior High.

“I heard that she’s sleeping with the guitarist of his band and trying to break them up.”

Another girl gasped, “What a whore.”

William’s voice popped into my head, “Don’t let them get to you. You’re better than them.”

The teacher called the class to order as I breathed evenly through my nose. I tried to ignore them, but it wasn’t working. All I could do was hold back tears. I wished William was there so he could stick up for me. But he wasn’t there. He wouldn’t be home until Saturday.

I didn’t cry until I got in my car and started driving home. I put on Remember Maine, just so I could listen to William’s voice. As soon as I made it out of the parking lot, my phone was vibrating in my pocket. I quickly pilled it out and looked at the called ID.

Bilvy<3

I wiped my eyes and cleared my nose then answered. “Hi.” I said quietly.

“Hi.” He said in the same tone. “How’d you do with the stares?” He questioned.

I sniffed again, “Fine.” I lied.

“You don’t sound fine.”

“But I look fine.” I joked, trying to lighten to mood.

“Harper, what happened?” He asked softly.

“Nothing. Nothing happened.” More tears leaked down my face.

“Harper Faye, tell me what happened.” He said sternly.

I let out a shaky sigh, “Just some things that sixth period said.” I didn’t want him to know how weak I was and that I couldn’t hold my head high.

“What did they say, Harper?” He asked.

I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me, “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Tell me what you did so far today.”

He was silent for a second before sighing, letting the subject drop. “Well I woke up and we all went to breakfast then we walked around the beach and all of the shops. I found the coolest t-shirt for Aiden. He’s going to love it.” I could tell he was smiling.

“Wait you bought Aiden a shirt? You didn’t have to do that, Bilvy.” I was almost to the daycare center by my house to pick up the little boy we were talking about.

“Eh, it’s fine. I wanted to. Don’t feel so left out, Lights, I got you something, too.”

I had to laugh, “I miss you.” I said sadly as I pulled into the parking lot of Chidtime Daycare and parked my Honda.

“I miss you, too. I’m going insane with the guys here and no you.”

I sighed, “Touring is going to suck so much.” I put my head against the steering wheel and closed my eyes.

“Yeah it is. It hasn’t even been a week and I’m missing you like crazy.”

“Yeah, well it’ll be different when you’re actually touring and going out and playing shows. You’ll be too busy to miss me.” I said. “Me on the other hand, I won’t be busy enough to get my mind off of it. I’ll be stuck in Barrington with no life while you tour the country.” Wow, bitter much?

“Harper, don’t say that, of course I’ll miss you! Just because I could be on the other side of the world does not mean I’ll ever stop missing you. Don’t forget that.”

I smiled slightly in spite of myself. “Okay. I won’t.” I finally turned off my car and got out, walking up to the door. “Listen, I’m at Childtime picking up Aiden, so I’ll call you later.”

He agreed and we hung up. I punched in my code for the second door to open then walked over to the Kindergarten area where Aiden spent at least five hours a day five days a week. I didn’t think I’d be able to take care of a child everyday for the rest of my life. There were still so many things I wanted to do before I settled down and had kids to look after all the time.