Gotta Be Somebody's Blues

Mommy and Daddy were asleep; they had gone to bed hours ago. The house was dark and quiet. Outside the moon was full, but none of its light could get to where Roach slept. Light can’t go through walls.

Roach was awake even though he knew that normal people sleep at this time. But he wasn’t normal. He knew that. He was odd, this house was odd, Mommy, Daddy, the children in the basement, they were all odd. Freaks. He knew that. But being odd wasn’t the reason he was awake. Staying awake at night and sleeping as much as possible during the day was the best way to survive. If he was awake during the day he would get antsy and make noise, if he made noise Daddy could hear, if Daddy could hear, Daddy could kill him. Sometimes he played a game of chicken like that, but that was only when he had trouble sleeping.

Laying in his bed now though he was bored. He was always bored. Sometimes he would go into the basement and steal things to decorate what he called his room, but he didn’t do that tonight. One of the boys in the basement was sick. The stronger one’s ate the sick. He did not want to see that. He was hungry enough to join them, but he also knew that one of them would save him something. They knew that Roach was their ticket to freedom so they were nice to him. He sat up when he heard something from the basement. He walked silently through the walls and crawled down to a spot where he could see a bit of the basement. He was right. They were going to eat the sick one. He sighed in sympathy and headed back up to his bed. On his way up though he caught sight of Alice. He made his way through the wall and followed her, making sure she got back to her room without being caught. When she was safe in her room he went back to his own bed.

Why isn’t she asleep? She should be. She knows how dangerous it is to be out of bed at this hour. She’s risking her life more and more these days. What’s gotten into her? She has to stop trying to be like me. Just because I dance with death every day does not mean she should! doesn’t she realize that there’s no hope for me? That no matter what I do I am going to die here some way or another? But she doesn’t have to. She still has a chance. She should know that. She should know a lot of things. Why Don’t I tell her? Yeah I say that its for her own good but do I really believe that? What harm could I do by telling her exactly what will happen to her if she gets thrown in the basement? Maybe it would scare her into being good and not being reckless! Who am I kidding? I can’t do that to her. She’s too innocent. But what about everything else? What would be the harm of telling her what I think of her? How she’s the only one I love in this place, how she’s the only thing I trust? The only thing that makes living here worth it all? If she wont be careful out of fear would she be careful out of love? She probably wouldn’t understand. But still! She should understand that she has to be more careful!

Roach got up and went to check on Alice.

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Mommy and Daddy were asleep; they had gone to bed hours ago. The house was dark and quiet. Outside the moon was full, but none of its light could get through the shades covering the windows. It never did, and it never would.

Alice lay awake in her room unable to sleep due to a recurring nightmare. As the days went on the nightmare got more vivid and more frightening. It would bother her only for as long as she thought about it, and she tried not to think about it too much. Instead she snuck downstairs and got a glass of water, drank it, then washed the cup and put it back so Mommy and Daddy would not find out. On her way back up to her room she heard a scream from the basement. For a split second she was worried that it might have woken up Mommy and Daddy. If it did and they caught her out of bed she would be punished. She didn’t want to be punished and the thought made her freeze with terror. She stood completely still until she was certain that Mommy and Daddy had not been woken up. Then, she sighed and continued back up to her room where she laid back down on her bed.

I wonder if they’re okay. I wish I could free them but I’m afraid to go down there. Roach said I shouldn’t that I wouldn’t like what I saw. But why not? They’re just boys right? Nothing wrong with them? They’re just like Roach aren’t they? Would they like to look outside like Roach and I? They probably would. Too bad Daddy will never let them out. Will they ever get a chance to see the sky? The basement must be horrible. All that dirt and dust. It must be gross down there. Roach said it is. Will they ever get to breathe clean air? Roach said they’ll all die down there. Most of them do anyway. I asked him what happened to them after they died. He wouldn’t tell me. I bet it’s horrible. He doesn’t like to tell me bad things. Says I shouldn’t worry. That I should just worry about not ending up down there. But I’m a good girl right? No. Mommy says I’m not. She says that good girls don’t feed the Roaches. I have to though. Roach is my friend. I hope the people in the basement are all friends. Maybe it’s what keeps them going. Maybe they have nice dreams. Dreams about the sky, and clean air, and a nice bed. Dreams of escape. I wish I could have those dreams, but now all I have are my nightmares.

Alice remembered her nightmare and began to cry softly.

Roach walked over to her room and peeked into the vent. Normally he would have felt bad invading her privacy but tonight was different. Tonight he had to tell her that she had to stop being so reckless. He grabbed the pen and paper he always kept by her room for when he needed to talk to her and then went into her room. Alice sat up and looked towards the vent when she heard it squeak open and saw Roach crawling through. She wiped her face dry and he sat next to her and turned on her lamp.

“You shouldn’t have gone downstairs.” he wrote.
“I was thirsty.” she said.
“I would have gotten it for you if you asked.” he wrote back.
“I didn’t know if you were sleeping, and you know I don’t like crawling through the walls without you guiding me. I never can remember where your traps are.” she said.
“Well, you still shouldn’t have gone downstairs. You have to be careful.”

Alice just stared at her feet and nodded.

“What are you going to do if they come to put you in the basement? Where are you gonna go hide?” he put the paper under her face.
“I don’t know.” she whispered.
“Where are you going to run if something happens to me and they come after you because you were careless and did something bad?” he wrote.
“Nothings going to happen to you!” she said.
“No? Something almost happens to me every day. Its either Daddy shooting me, or Prince chasing me, or the damn rabid animals that get into this damn place. There’s stuff in these walls besides me you know, you just don’t see them because I get them first.” he wrote slowly.
“I want to be more like you though.” she said. “Your not afraid.”
“That’s not true. I am afraid all the time, and not for myself. I’m afraid for you. Like tonight when you were downstairs. What would have happened to you if you were caught!?” he sighed and continued writing. “I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. That’s why you have to be careful.”
“I don’t want to be careful anymore.” she said almost loud enough to wake someone up.
Roach shushed her and wrote, “Be careful. For me. Please?”

She thought about it for a minute as she looked into his eyes which she saw were not filled with what she thought was anger but rather they were filled with worry and concern.

“Okay.” she whispered. “I’ll be more careful.”

There was another scream from the basement and this time it did wake up Mommy and Daddy. A door was thrown open and footsteps filled the once silent hallway. Roach flipped off the light and crawled back into the wall as Alice hid under her covers. Roach crawled down through the walls to see where Daddy went and heard him mumble something about killing them if they didn’t shut up. Daddy opened the basement door and screamed at the people down there to shut up before he went down there and made them shut up himself. Then he headed back upstairs.

Mommy walked into Alice’s room to make sure she was in there. When she saw Alice under the covers she assumed she was asleep and shut the door. Mommy met Daddy in the hallway and had told him that Alice was still asleep.

“It was probably that bastard in the walls that got them all riled up.” he said. “I’ll get him one day.”
“Yes you will.” Mommy said.
“I have a damn headache now.” he said.
“You should never go to bed with a headache.” Mommy said.
“That’s right.” Daddy said and walked into Alice’s room. Mommy went back to bed.

Roach followed Daddy. He saw him get rid of his headache by hurting Alice many times. Every time it made him want to kill Daddy with his bare hands but he knew he was in no way strong enough. So tonight as like any other time, he cried as he watched. When Daddy was finished taking his stress out on Alice he returned to his room and went back to sleep. Alice sat in her bed in pain and cried. Roach crawled into bed next to her and held her until she fell back asleep. By the time she did the sun was rising. He tucked her in and went to his bed where he would attempt to sleep another day away dreading when he would wake up to do this all over again.