Somebody else's arms

Ryan

“I’m working later tonight again, that fine with you?” Brendon mumbled absentmindedly as he reached for the milk carton.
“Again?” I asked, with a hint of annoyance creeping into my voice. I watched Brendon pour some milk on his cereal before he answered.
“Yeah, but the boss just called. I need to go play the organ at some dude’s funeral tonight. I’m sorry Ry”, Brendon told me. Honestly, he didn’t look that sorry at all.
“You’re never at home anymore”, I sighed, fiddling with my coffee mug.
“I know…” Brendon said, sighing as well. He looked like he was going to say something more, but then he shook his head a little, and got up. He carried his untouched plate to the sink and left it there.
“You didn’t even eat your food”, I protested, getting up as well.
“I’m not that hungry”, he muttered, with a guilty look in his eyes. After quickly glancing at me for the last time he walked into the bathroom, shoulders slumped, dragging his feet behind.
“What’s up with Brendon?” I muttered to myself as I followed him into the bathroom, in order to get my makeup fixed for the day.

All day at work I couldn’t force the anxious feeling away. As I served coffee and muffins and whatsoever to people all I could think of was Brendon. I was worried about him. Me, Ryan Ross, who wasn’t used to worrying about anyone.
“Quit moping around”, my boss, Katie said cheerfully as she passed me on her way to the coffee machine.
“I’m not moping”, I said, sounding way too defending.
“Yeah right”, she snorted. I quickly pulled my mouth into a crooked smile, sighing as I realized how fake it must look. It wasn’t my fault that Brendon had been acting all weird lately, was it?

Finally the hands of the big clock on the wall turned to face four and it was time for me to go home. I said bye to Katie and stepped out of the door of the small café that I worked in. Though I had been anxious to get out of work, I was in no hurry to go home. What was home without Brendon? I dug my iPod from my bag that was hanging off my shoulder, and stuck my headphones into my ears. Maybe music would help me in my mission to stop worrying about Brendon. I turned the volume louder and hummed quietly to the music as I walked towards my apartment. Well, mine and Brendon’s, of course, though it really didn’t seem that way anymore, since Brendon was hardly ever there.

The rest of the day dragged by even slower than work. With no Brendon around there wasn’t much that I could do. I watched a few movies, drank some coffee and moped around some more on our living room couch. Mostly I waited for Brendon to come home. No matter how slowly time passes, it still passes, and eventually I heard the front door open.
“Bren?” I shouted, questioning, though of course it was him. I jumped off the couch and hurried into the hallway. Soon I was standing in Brendon’s arms, telling him that I had missed him,
“You’re silly”, Brendon said, smiling. “I was only gone for a few hours.”
“Way too many anyway”, I said, grinning. Now that I was standing here, with Brendon’s arms wrapped around me, it was impossible to feel worried. Brendon could take care of himself. There was no need for me to waste my time worrying about him, I decided.

After making ourselves a cup of coffee each, we jumped onto the couch, and turned the television on.
“How did you play?” I asked, as I muted the television. That was how we usually watched it. Muted. That way it was easier to talk, something that we did all the time, unless we were kissing, or doing something else, obviously. Our friends would often wonder how come we never ran out of topics to talk about, but we would just shrug and laugh.
“It was okay”, Brendon shrugged, and all the negative feelings rushed back.
“Brendon what’s wrong?” I whispered, mouthing the words that had been haunting me all day. Brendon’s head snapped up and he looked at me with a weird look in his eyes.
“What do you mean? Nothing is wrong”, he said calmly, though I swear that his voice trembled a little.
“Don’t lie to me”, I said, pleading.
“I’m not lying”, Brendon stated, though I knew that he was. That was proven to me when he picked up the remote control turned the volume back on. I got up in a rush, scared that Brendon would see the tears in my eyes.
“I’m going to take a nap”, I said in a thick voice and walked into our bedroom, slamming the door after me.

I lay awake for a long time, half expecting Brendon to come check on me, but he never did. Something was up, I knew it, and it pissed me off that Brendon wouldn’t admit it. As long as I could remember, we had always talked about our problems, and so far we had always figured them out. Now there was little I could do, since Brendon didn’t want to tell me about whatever it was that was bothering him. Maybe he didn’t trust me anymore.

Brendon

It was hard to keep my face calm when Ryan was right next to me, looking at me with his puppy eyes, that were filled with concern. And he had a reason, of course, and that reason was me. I was ruining Ryan’s days. After he got off the couch and went into our bedroom, I knew that I should follow. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I wasn’t good enough for Ryan. That was the reason that kept me from following him, as ridiculous as it sounds. I missed him. All I wanted was to be in the bed beside him, holding his hand, telling him that everything would be all right. Though it wouldn’t. And that was no one else’s fault but mine…

Finally, when I was sure that Ryan would be asleep, I crept into the bedroom. As I crawled into the bed I saw a few tears still on Ryan’s cheek. That night both of us fell asleep crying.