Somebody else's arms

Ryan

“This isn’t happening to us”, I muttered to myself through the tears that were crawling down my face. He said he loved me, played in my head like a broken CD that had got stuck on one spot. Brendon was a liar, I now realized. He’d lied to me, lied to Frank, lied to everyone. My sadness had quickly turned into anger as I marched through the clogged streets. I saw hundreds of people with My Chemical Romance shirts or banners, which definitely didn’t make my mood any better. It reminded me of the fact that in a way this was all my fault. If I hadn’t got the tickets things would still be fine with me and Brendon. Sure everything had been really weird and Brendon had acted odd, but things had been getting better. Until I had ruined it all.

Of course I partially understood that it really wasn’t my fault at all, but a small voice in my head kept telling me that if I hadn’t got the tickets, if I hadn’t been such a lousy boyfriend, then maybe, just maybe everything would still be okay. Maybe I could’ve even forgiven Brendon for cheating on me, if he just would’ve been honest and told me about it. Said he’s sorry. But he never had. He had just left me to handle my own misery. He had watched me hurt and done nothing about it. That was the thing that actually left the deepest scar in my heart. Brendon didn’t care enough to stop it. Even though I was hurt, he still continued.

Finally I had reached the bus stop. I sat on the bench and dug out my iPod from my pocket. Listening to music usually helped me feel better. It seemed like my future would be full of lonely days so I would definitely need all the ways to cheer up that I could find. I put my player on shuffle and stuck my headphones in my ears. I closed my eyes and leaned against the glass frame of the bus stop as the music started playing.

Saw you laughing aloud to your friends when I was across the room,
I was across the room.
I sick of standing alone when you’re here.
Who’s good enough for you?
Who’s good enough for you?

Well it’s only love it’s not real anyways.
You’re gonna die in somebody else’s arms
And I have to live with that.
You’re gonna die in somebody else’s arms
And I have to live with that.
Well I hope you have a good life, hope you have a good life.
Well I hope you have a good life, hope you have a good life.

It took me a while to actually realize what song was playing in my ears.
“Ironic”, I mumbled, wiping the tears off my face. What really is there to do after your heart has been broken into a million pieces? All you can do is try to live through it and wipe the tears away when they start flowing. I felt like turning the song off, it just hurt more to listen to it, but somehow I couldn’t. Somehow it was oddly comforting too, to know that I wasn’t the only who this had happened to. And in a way, if I had turned it off, it would’ve felt like running away from my problems. Which I didn’t want to do, I would have to face them, and that way forget them. Forget Brendon, that was what I had to do.

And I’ll say "Send me a card when you can, to where you think you should be."
Are where you think you should be?
Too bad, you’re missing the boat and I’m gone.
Call me when you come around.
Will you call me when you come around?

Well it’s only love it’s not real anyways.
It’s only love, it’s not real.
You’re gonna die in somebody else’s arms,
And I have to live with that.
You’re gonna die in somebody else’s arms,
And I have to live with that.
Well I hope you have a good life, hope you have a good life.
Well I hope you have a good life, hope you have a good life.

The bus finally came and I stuck my arm out so that it would stop. I stepped into the dimly lit bus and after flashing my bus card at the driver I walked straight into the back and slumped into one of the seats. The song just kept playing in my head. I wished for it to stop, but couldn’t make myself stop it. Somehow, I wanted to hut. I wanted Brendon to see me like this, crying in the back seat of a bus, all broken inside. I wanted to see if he would care. If he was still so ignorant as he had been before. Of course he couldn’t see me now, though. He was probably busy, busy with someone who he obviously thought was better than me.

I’ll be happy to see you happy, if it’s with me or without me around.
I’ll be happy to see you happy, if it’s with me or without me around.

There’s too much, too much I know I’ll never say.
Please take me back, please take me back.

But you’re gonna die in somebody else’s arms,
And I have to live with that.
You’re gonna die in somebody else’s arms,
And I have to live with that. (I have to live)
Well I hope you have a good life, hope you have a good life. [x4]

I could never be happy if Brendon didn’t want me around, that was a fact. Now it looked like he didn’t, and that was why my whole world was crashing down. There simply was no Ryan without Brendon. We were the two last pieces of the puzzle, that fit so perfectly together. All those other cliché metaphors fit us too. We were simply perfect for each other, or had been, before Brendon’s big mistake. I really didn’t know if I could ever forgive him for it. It was one of the worst things that you could do, one of the things that he probably knew that would hurt me the most. I had low self-confidence already, and to see the person who I loved more than anything choose someone else over me, that was just too much.
Finally the song ended, and was followed by some cheerful techno song. That part was fine now, but everything else wasn’t. If Brendon would’ve followed me at the concert than maybe it could’ve still turned out fine. Maybe I had been wrong, maybe he hadn’t cheated on me after all. Even while thinking about that I knew that I was wrong. He had cheated on me, that was a fact. Surely he would’ve said something otherwise. I would just have to accept the fact that there was no Ryan and Brendon anymore. I would have to learn how to live my life alone. Forever.