Somebody else's arms

Chapter 8

Ryan

Over the course of the next few weeks I found myself missing him more and more. I really didn’t even know how much time had passed. Days blurred into others and Katie had to call me every Sunday night to remind me that it would be Monday tomorrow and I would have to come to work. She had been really sweet about the whole situation, and insisted on me taking a few days off to figure things out and everything but I didn’t. I thought that it would be better for me to work. A desperate attempt to get Brendon off my mind, of course. Obviously it didn’t work that well. Also, I hated being in the house alone. At least at work I had some company. Besides, it would take more than a few days to figure out this mess.

On another Monday I started doubting my decision to continue working. I had been making an espresso for a customer and forgot the machine on for a little too long. It wasn’t the first time that day that I had to wipe the counter clean.
“Katie can I take a break?” I asked at one point when the café was a little quieter.
“Of course darling”, she answered cheerfully and flashed me a smile. She had a tendency to call people with cute names. Last week I had been her “little baby poodle.” Well okay, I didn’t know how cute that was, but what could I say, that’s what Katie was like.

I walked to the back door of the café building and stepped out into the hot blaze of the sun of mid June. I slumped down on the picnic table that looked a little out of place in the corner of the tiny back yard. That’s what I felt like, too. Out of place in my own life, how pathetic was that? My personal sunshine was gone and now I honestly couldn’t think of anything to look forward to in my life.

“Dude you gotta quit moping around”, Katie exclaimed as she sat down next to me.
“I know”, I sighed until something caught my attention. “What are you doing here? What about the customers?” I asked, puzzled.
“I close early today”, she shrugged and leaned back to get the sun to hit her face.
“So you close the place to tan?” I questioned.
“Yep.” I shook my head and had to laugh a little. It was so typical for her. I bet she had a sign on the door saying “medical emergency” or something scary sounding like that.
“Quit laughing at me and admit that you love the sun too”, Katie snapped, only pretending to be angry though. I closed my eyes, leaned back and yes, I had to admit that the sun felt really nice and warm on my skin.
“You’re right”, I had to admit.
“Shut up and enjoy”, Katie giggled.

A few hours later we were walking along the street to my (I constantly had to remind myself that Brendon wouldn’t ever live there anymore) apartment.
“Thanks Kat”, I said as we reached the front door of my apartment building.
“For?” she asked, her white teeth flashing as she smiled.
“Just for being there I guess”, I said and shrugged. That afternoon had been the best one in a long time. It had been nice to just relax for a while, before entering my empty apartment.
“No problem”, Katie said, smiling again. She leaned forward, kissed me on my left cheek, wiggled her fingers at me as a good bye and was off. I could hear the heels of her shoes clinking against the asphalt for a long time after.

It wasn’t until I was sitting on my living room couch with a coffee mug in my hand that Brendon came back into my mind. The situation was too familiar. Though normally I would’ve been sitting there with Brendon, not by myself. Absentmindedly I fiddled with my phone in my pocket until I finally pulled it out. It wasn’t hard to find that number from my memory. After all it was the only one to which I had sent millions of messages to, called a hundred thousand times, the only number that I had ever remembered by heart. It was weird to have him this close, one click of a button and I could have his voice right in my ear. But then again, he was so far. I couldn’t press the button. My fingers didn’t listen to my brain, because my heart told them otherwise. What if Brendon really didn’t want me? It wasn’t quite right that I would have to crawl back to him, pleading for an apology. Biting my bottom lip I made the decision and pushed my phone back into my pocket. Deep. How is it possible that even a broken heart can hurt?

Brendon

You promised, insisted the firm voice in my mind. I did promise, and that had been a huge mistake. After exactly three weeks I was sure that I couldn’t live without Ryan. I needed him as much as I needed oxygen, as cliché as it was. For three weeks I had slept in a filthy hotel room, only getting out of bed to work. For three weeks I had only had one thing on my mind: Ryan. And now, I had decided, was the time to do something about that mess. I couldn’t continue living like this. Though if Ryan wouldn’t want me with him then there would be nothing that I could do about it. I couldn’t be that selfish, to force him to take me back. If he really wanted to then that was a totally different story. Something that was too good to even hope for.

“I’ve got nothing to lose I suppose”, I muttered to myself as I pulled out my battered Nokia phone from my bag. My lips curled into an involuntary smile as my eyes turned to the familiar engraving on the back. “Ryan & Brendon.”

The sun was shining and it was one of those days when you simply cannot be sad, because everything was so perfect. Ryan and I had taken a blanket and gone to the park, stopping at a Starbucks on the way for some snacks. Now we were positioned under a big oak tree, Ryan sprawled across the blanket, me lying close to him, my head resting lightly on his chest.
“We’re so perfect you know”, Ryan said, smiling the smile that I loved so much.
“I know”, I said happily. Everything did feel perfect on that exact moment.
“It’s only because I’m so perfect you know. You wouldn’t be anything without me”, Ryan joked and pulled me closer to him. He smelled of cologne and soap and I couldn’t help but sneak a quick kiss on his neck.
“Mmh”, I sighed and closed my eyes. It was so comfortable, so nice lying there in his arms.
“So you agree?” Ryan asked happily, and I could hear the smirk in his voice.
“Agreeing on what?” I questioned, dumbfounded.
“Oh nothing. You’re so clueless”, he laughed and I raised my head up higher and caught his lips with mine.
“I know. That’s why you love me so much”, I teased as I pulled away.
“True indeed”, he smiled and kissed me again. I felt a hand in my jeans’ pocket and as he pulled away I saw my phone in his hand.

“What are you doing with that?” I asked, clueless again.
“Wait and see”, he said, a smile playing on his lips. He fished our apartment key from his pocket and started scratching something on the back cover of my phone.
“Hey thanks for ruining my phone”, I half yelled, though I really didn’t care. It was a crap phone anyway and if Ryan wanted to do something to it, then he could.

Slowly but surely the words started forming on the back of my phone. When Ryan was done he threw the phone at me and watched me closely as I turned it over in my hand.
“Aw that’s so cute”, I exclaimed and moved a little so I was back in his arms.
“I know”, he winked.
“Modest like always”, I winked back and kissed him again.

“By the way, why is your name first?” I asked him a little later.
“Because my name is so much prettier.” Ryan stuck out his tongue and looked like a five year old again. Like a very sexy five year old, I must admit. The next hour we spent fighting about which ones name was prettier. Well, when we weren’t busy kissing…
The memory of that day made my decision easier. I had to get back with Ryan, there was no question about it. I would do whatever it takes to get him back, I decided.
“Um Ryan, hey this is Brendon, as you probably now. I know that you probably hate me, but I hope you don’t. I’m sorry for that mess I made. It was a huge mistake. Do you think there’s any possibility that I could come see you? I miss you so much.” The whole message sounded really selfish, taking into consideration that I had been the one who had ruined it all, but really, I couldn’t do better. All I could offer him now was an apology.