A Siren's Tale

And the words came out, like if someone else was giving me strength to tell them…

“I have a confession to make.”

I had kept this secret for so long, so many years lived in silent, so many prayers left unsaid, so many words lost in vain. I saw their faces as they heard my voice for the first time, the melody and enchantment I knew they had, filled every word I said. My true identity was revealed.

“No.” Shock filled the face of the man in front of me. His brother reacted the same way, but the man in front of me held pain in his eyes, I knew that if I had a heart it would be breaking right now. “You’re not…”

“A siren. Yes, I am.” They were silent, both of them. Their hands, holding the guns tight, trembling, as if they wanted to point them at me, but couldn’t find the strength to do it. “I cannot help being what I’ve become. I can… I want to tell you my story. You can kill me after that.”

They didn’t spoke, but seated on the chairs, their eyes facing nothingness, it wasn’t my voice that caused that. It was hurt, they had trusted me and I betrayed them. Right now they were willing to listen, that was more than I could ask for.

“I was born in 1875 on a city named Lisbon. My childhood was pretty normal and everything pointed to a bright future, until my eighteenth birthday.”

***

I swirled around in my brand new dress, my sisters watched as I danced with a ghost that they couldn’t see, while I kept pretending that someone was actually holding my hands. Catarina, the oldest of us, held her young son in her arms, she was just two years older than me but a mother already, Fátima was the youngest, in fact she wasn’t even supposed to exist, when my mother got pregnant everyone was scared, she was too old to have a safe delivery, but against all odds her child was born healthy and my mother survived, so now I had a four years old sister.

The three of us had the same brown curly hair and the darkest brown eyes, most people even said it was black, but on sunny days our eyes would turn to a lighter brown, the same color of the candies my father brought from his journeys, he called them chocolates.

“So, Rosa, ready for the big day?”

“My wedding is just in a week Cat, no need to rush it.”

“If I were to marry Filipe I sure would want to rush it.” We both laughed at that, I knew how lucky I was.

My sister had married a man in his late thirties, he was kind and elegant for his age, she loved him in her own way, but their wedding had no passion, just companionship, my sister was happy, but I wished she could have choose her husband. I didn’t choose mine either, but Filipe was a childhood friend and was only five years older than me and heir to a great fortune. I haven’t seen him in eight years until my parents invited him to my seventeen birthday, I froze the moment our eyes met. Golden eyes and light brown hair framed godlike features and I could barely believe he was the shy boy I remembered.

In two months we became, as my mother had called us, sweethearts and when Filipe asked for my hand four months ago, my father didn’t think twice on saying ‘yes’.

So, in a weak I was getting married to the most wanted bachelor in Lisbon.

“Rosita, are you scared?” Fátima asked, with a finger on her mouth, a habit she refused to lose.

“I can’t understand a word of what you’re saying.” I knew she got the massage, and blushing she repeated the question taking the finger out of her mouth.

“Of course not, I’m only sad to leave you here on this big house all alone.”

“But mommy and daddy will be here.”

“So you won’t miss me?” I said pretending to be mad.

“Of course I will!”

I smiled at her frown, and as soon as she realized I was playing with her she smiled too, and was in the middle of asking another question when my mother entered, calling Fátima and holding her grandson, Filipe and his family had arrived and Cat would help me getting ready.

“So, ready to be a wife?” My sister asked while passing a brush trough my hair.

“Ready to be happy.”

That day had been my last carefree day before the wedding, which turned out to be sooner than expected. Filipe and I were forced to marry the next day, the monarchy was standing on wooden sticks and a fire was being unleashed in the country, my father said it would be years until something was done, but he didn’t want to take any chances, as soon as I was married he made sure Cat and I were on our way to America with our husbands and my sister’s son. My mother and younger sister would stay with him, he wanted the women of his life under a man’s wing, Cat and I had our husbands, but my mother and Fátima only had him.

***

“Catarina… Catherine… she’s your sister?!” The younger of my two listeners said.

“My sister and I changed our names over time, so they would match the country we were in, it’s funny we had the same idea even though we… lost contact.”

“Nothing in this story is funny.” I looked at his eyes, while one had been patiently listening and asking his questions, the other brother was silent, those were the first words he had said and the bitter tone in them made my soul feel the deepest pain I had felt in more than a century of existence.

“The trip to our new life was blessed with good weather and as soon as our feet walked on land again a man was already showing us our new house.” I continued, ignoring the darkness that was taking over my soul.

***

“Oh Rosita, look at this house! Even if we’re living here with both of our families it’s still too big!” My sister said looking at the white house in front of us, there were green fields surrounding it and we had a family arranged to help us taking care of our new life. It was better than any of us could ever hope for.

“I’m sure we will all be very happy here, your father is very kind.” João, my sister’s husband appeared next to her, and soon enough I felt Filipe’s hand holding mine.

“I already found a job as a lawyer, looks like this small town is in desperate need of one. They don’t even bother to have a foreign man on the job.” Filipe’s laugher filled my ears, I could tell he was happy, it was his biggest wish to be here, America was a name that help promises to him, promises big enough to make him forget the reason why we were here. But if at least one of us was happy, neither Cat or her husband wanted to remember him of our sorrow, and as his wife, I had little right to ruin his dream.

Two months passed and our life was pleasant enough, we didn’t had most of the luxuries we were used too, but the letters we received from home were better than any expensive dress, and a year latter my father announced that things seemed to have calmed down on the other shore of the Atlantic. But a year had been enough for Filipe and João to build their life’s here.

My sister’s son was growing fast, and she was already expecting another. After little Luis, my sister had a daughter with the name Mary, if we were going to live the rest of our life’s here, she wanted to make things easier for her baby giving her an English name. A year after Mary was born my nightmare begun.

With Filipe gaining prestige among the community he became a man full of himself and selfish, more than once my sister had heard rumors of lovers but I refused to believe them, but my heart couldn’t deny that the loving man that left with me from Portugal had become cold as the ice that every winter I cleaned from the windows of the white house. I was twenty-one when I finally realized the cruel person my husband had become. He bought a new house on a city called New York, miles away from the town we were now, forcing me to move so far away from the only family I had close to me.

I spent one year in New York, the house was a floor on a tall building, it wasn’t even the whole floor, I had never lived in an apartment before, I hated to be confined to a small area where I couldn’t even have a little garden. And thinks just kept getting worse, after four years of marriage I still hadn’t given Filipe a child, and he was getting impatient, throwing the fault at me and saying to everyone he knew how much of a fool he had been for marring a pretty face who couldn’t even take proper care of his house or give him a child. But surprisingly I found someone who understood enough to stand up for me in front of my husband.

His name was Hugh Winchester and I never met him, but my soul is forever thankful to the man that convinced my husband that it wasn’t my fault that I still hadn’t managed to get pregnant, and more than that… convinced him to take me to where my sister lived. As soon as Felipe told me of his intensions I felt like four years had never passed and I was the young girl dancing in her room on her eighteenth birthday. I should have guessed my husband would never take such a long trip just for his wife sake.

When I saw my sister and my nephews, happiness replaced every bit of sorrow in my body, I stayed with them one week, and all of the sudden my life had turned bright as the sun. My caring husband was back, I was with my family again and one day Filipe came home with a smile on his face.

“Rosita, Rosita. Guess what?” His smile was so big and his happiness so overwhelming he barely let me answer. “We’re coming back! I have arranged a small present for you. A week with you parents and younger sister! We’re coming back home! Even if just for a while. Aren’t those good news?”

The shock left me silent, and I fainted even before realizing that something in his happiness was wrong. After that I woke up with a sickening feeling, I only remembered feeling it once in my life, when I was in a boat on my way to America. When I opened my eyes I saw the dark night sky.

“Hey buddy, she’s awake!”

“More trouble for me then.” That voice… Filipe?

I tried to stand up, but failed, not because of the boat’s movements, or the sickness, but because my hands were tied to my feet, and that knowledge awoke the pain of swore muscles, how long had I been like this?

The pain blurred my sight, and I barely witnessed when my husband carried me and brought me to the railing, my conciseness only came back fully when I felt the water fill every empty space of my body.

***

“Killed by the man she loved, if she dies underwater her spirit becomes a siren.”

“But, you’re not a spirit.”

“That’s what you say.” Once again the conversation was between me and the younger brother, while the other still held the same angry look.

“But… we felt you, talked to you, watched you sleep!”

“I became stronger with time. Got over my need for revenge, I was able to be the same Rosa my family knew, and not some twisted part of her.”

“But you don’t have any unfinished business, Filipe’s dead already.”

“Dead, but he didn’t vanish. He’s Zax, the spirit you are looking for. That’s why I came to you, I need your help, I have wondered too long, my soul needs rest.”

“So that’s it? You intent to use us and then disappear?!” Once again the bitter tone was heard on the small room.

“I never intended to hurt you, spiritually I have come too close to being human, I can feel too, that’s why this is hurts so much. Because I care about you two.”

“I still don’t get why he killed you.” I took advantage of the change of subject, and the older brother became silent again.

“The same reason why we went to visit my sister. He found out that one of his lovers had a son, his son. In New York no one had ever seen my face, he killed me and brought the other girl back with him, she took my place and he acted as if his family only needed a small vacation to heal its wounds.”

“The ghost, Catherine… she’s your sister but… she killed herself?”

“They found my body, but Filipe had paid well enough for the town’s silence. Even my sister’s husband believed I had come back to New York, my sister was the only one who said he had killed me, and… and she saw me when my spirit was still bounded to the sea. She killed herself a few days after that. Leaving her two kids without a mother, Mary was still a baby then.” Even if I could not cry, I knew the sadness in my voice was audible.

“Rose… Mary’s still alive, that’s why we found you near that hospital isn’t it?”

“Mary died that day. I took care of her for my sister, that’s why I become a little more than just a ghost, and became silent so that my voice wouldn’t curse any innocent man.”

“Aren’t sirens supposed to hate every man and enchant them with their songs? The myth says they ambushed sailors in the sea, making them jump to the waters and drown.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be underwater, is just that usually they aren’t strong enough to leave the place where they were killed. But you don’t have to worry, like I said, I’m closer to a human than to a demon, if it weren’t for the body. But the effects of my voice are clear.”

“That’s why you were always so silent.”

The conversation ended, each lost in thoughts unclear. The first voice I heard was not the one I expected, and sadness had replaced the bitterness.

“Did it ever cross your mind that maybe you were very close of finding your soul mate?”

“You’re talking about Hugh Winchester?”

“Yeah, if he was… I don’t know… our great, great, great grandfather, then maybe…”

“I thought about that after I realized how close I was connected to you. Maybe I had found the right soul, but in the wrong time, maybe I was supposed to love Hugh Winchester, but never got a chance to meet him.”

“So, my soul mate would be one of your descendents?”

“Who knows?”

“Still, I cannot accept what you are.”

“It’s funny, that you would love the only person you couldn’t have.”

“I don’t…“

“You just talked about soul mates, you didn’t use every word, but it was quite implicit that you love me, and I do remember one night when you almost kissed me.”

He didn’t say another word and soon enough they were tired, I no longer had a reason to pretend to be sleeping, so I just kept watching, and while the minutes passed slowly, I reminisced on the moments I had spent with the two brothers, since the moment I saw then at the hospital doors…