Leaving My Fingerprints

“W-what?” I stammered, starting to panic. Why was Nick always so damn perceptive?

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I said, chuckling. “Hey, why don’t we go talk about your date tomorrow.”

“Hey guys,” Emma said coming into the kitchen timidly. I grinned at her. She was glowing.

“On second thought,” I said, pushing Nick into Joe. “Joe just volunteered to help Nick while I help Emma.”

“Wait, what?” Joe asked, confused.

I threw a look at him, my eyes pleading.

He sighed. “Fine, Nick, come on.”

“Come on where?” Nick asked, not yet privy to the plan.

Joe smirked and threw his arm over Nick’s shoulders. “Nicholas, Nicholas, you have much left to learn about women. And luckily for you, I happen to be an expert.”

“Some expert,” Demi laughed, rolling her eyes.

Joe glared at her. “Not paying attention to the loser over there, we have much to do. Now come. You may call me Sensei.”

“Or doofus,” Kevin smirked.

Joe ignored them and dragged Nick out. Kevin sighed and stood as he heard the front door close. “Idiot,” he mumbled. “I have the key. Bye guys.” He hugged each of us, holding me for a second too long, before turning and following his brothers out.

We all looked at each other and started laughing. My boys. I wondered how hard it was going to be when I went back home, knowing it would be the end of my last summer, my last summer with them.

---

I woke up earlier than I intended the next morning. It was 6:00, but I couldn’t sleep. I sighed and got up. Demi, who was sleeping next to me, woke up slightly. “Maxie? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I assured her. “Go back to sleep.”

She nodded and drifted off again. I got up slowly, trying not to wake her again. I left a note, saying I was heading back to the Jonas house. I made my way outside, letting the warm Texas air touch my face. It wasn’t windy, it rarely was here. But it wasn’t blistering hot yet. The sun was barely out, and there was shade thankfully. When I got to their house, I couldn’t go in yet. I wasn’t tired anymore, and the air felt nice. It was almost like I was home. I sat down on their steps and sighed, resting my head against the pillar and wrapping my arms around myself.

I couldn’t count the number of times Nick and I had sat here, night or day, just watching the sun and the sky, and just sitting and being together. It was one of my favorite parts of coming here every summer. Nick and I would sit and watch the sun set, or rise depending on when it was. I felt oddly comforted as I thought he’d be watching this sun when my own set. Like as piece of me, a piece of us would always be there, rising and setting forever.

The door opened behind me. I turned to see Joe coming out. He turned after he closed the door, and his eyes fell on me. “Maxie? Is everything okay?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

I sighed. Just as I feared. Concern, fear, sympathy. I didn’t want any of it. And Joe had just demonstrated why I hadn’t wanted to tell them. I knew my last summer wouldn’t last as I had hoped. “I’m fine,” I assured him.

“Good,” he smiled, and shuffled his feet awkwardly. “So what are you doing here?”

“I am staying here,” I smirked, joking.

He rolled his eyes. “Clever. I mean why aren’t you sound asleep at Demi’s?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged. “I wanted to see the sun rise.”

“And you can’t see it there,” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes. “I wanted to be here obviously,” I said, sighing. “I like how I feel here.”

He nodded understandingly. “Is it because Nick is sleeping here?”

“That’s so creepy,” I laughed. “No it’s not actually.”

“Then why?” he asked, sitting down next to me.

I sighed, and rested my arms straight out, my elbows on my knees. I put my head on my arms and took a deep breath before lifting my head and looking at Joe. “You guys have been my best friends since before I can even remember,” I said. “I like being here. I like being with you guys. It feels like – I’m home.”

He put his arm around me, and hugged me. “This is your home too,” he assured me.

I smiled. “Thanks,” I said. “But I don’t know – it’s like I know I’m not going to see that sun that way from this spot too many times more, you know? I mean I’m going to go home, and then more morbidly and finally, I’m going to leave the earth and lose all this.”

I felt his grip on me tighten. “It’s not fair,” he said quietly.

I shrugged, and smiled at him comfortingly. “Life isn’t,” I reminded him.

“Are you scared?” he asked.

I thought about it for a moment. Was I scared? I was going to die. I had long since accepted that. Was I frightened by the beyond? Everything had an end, and everything went to eternity. I knew that. “I’m not scared of dying,” I admitted.

“What are you scared of then?” he asked quietly.

I sighed. “I’m scared that I won’t be able to let you guys go, and neither will you.”

“We’ll hold onto you forever,” he promised.

“No,” I said quickly. Pulling away from him, I kept my voice firm. “I don’t want that.”

He looked at me, confused. “We won’t forget you Maxie. Ever.” His words were slow, determined.

I smiled slightly. “Nor would I want or let you. But you can’t hold on.”

He sighed. “What would we do without you?”

“Be rock stars?” I shrugged.

He smiled slightly. “You need to tell Nick.”

“I will,” I said. “Just –“

“Not yet,” he finished.

“He’ll hold on the most,” I said quietly. “He’ll let it consume him. It’ll crush him. I can’t do that.”

‘It’s going to happen,” he reminded me.

“Yeah, but at least by then he’ll have Emma and it’ll ease the blow,” I said.

He chuckled bitterly. “Do you really believe that?”

“I have to,” I said quietly.

He looked at me for a long time before taking a deep breath and standing up. “So here is what we’re going to do. I’m going to go on my date. You’re going to go back to Demi’s. We’re going to get them both ready for their date. And we’re going to fulfill your wish. Got it?”

I smiled, standing too. I hugged him tightly. “Thanks Joe,” I said.

He kissed my forehead. “Any time Maxinator.”