Leaving My Fingerprints
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“You’re fucking dying in a few months,” his tone was angry and slow. “And you didn’t tell me till now?”
I winced, not saying anything.
“How long have you known?” he asked quietly.
“It doesn’t—“
“Tell me,” he demanded.
“3 years,” I said.
“Do my brothers now?”
“Yes,” I said softly.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. I could hear no pain in his words. There was only anger.
“I didn’t want to – worry you,” I said quietly.
“Worry me?” he laughed bitterly. “My best friend is fucking dying and she’s scared that I’ll be worried. That’s rich.”
“Nick, please just—“ I was staring down as he exploded at me.
“No you listen to me,” he seethed. “We’re supposed to be fucking best friends. As in we tell each other everything, as in we don’t keep secrets, as in we don’t die on the other.”
I looked up at him, pain erupting in the last part. “Nick, please, listen—“
Once again he cut me off. “I’m through listening to you Maxie,” he said slowly. “I’m through being around you. You didn’t want to tell me? Fine. See if I care.” He turned and walked away.
I felt tears pouring down my cheeks as I ran after him. I grabbed his arm. He stopped, not turning around. I could tell he was waiting for my explanation. “Nick, please, you know I love you. I wanted to tell you. I was just scared.”
He pulled his arm out of my grip and gave me a chilling glare. I backed away, frozen as he turned and walked away. Never had I been so scared. Never had I felt so vulnerable. Never had I thought Nick Jonas would be the one making me feel this way. Still crying, I pulled out my cell phone and called Joe.
---
She was dying. What the fuck? How could she die? And she didn’t even tell me. Me. Her best friend since before we even ate paste. She didn’t tell me. Sure, my brothers she had told. Why wouldn’t she tell them? They were just friends. I mean, they didn’t have the relationship Maxie and I did. So of course she’d fucking tell them.
I wasn’t sure where I was going. I was really just walking, trying to get away. I couldn’t look at her right now. I couldn’t stand it. She was dying. She was going to leave me forever. How was I supposed to go on? I needed her. She was my best friend. She knew me better than anyone, better than even myself. And she was dying? No, she couldn’t. She was too young, way too young. She still had her whole life ahead of her. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Maybe I had overreacted. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and turned, walking back to where she was. That was when I saw Maxie walking the other way. Confused I started walking faster. Where was she going? I stopped in my tracks as I saw Joe. She had called Joe? I felt anger brimming in me again. Not only had she told everyone before me, but also when she needed someone, she called him too?
I turned on my heel and walked straight to my car. Fuck this. And fuck her.
---
“Hey,” Joe hugged me. “You okay?”
I shook my head as I buried my head into his chest.
“What happened?” he asked softly.
“I – I t-t-told Nick,” I stammered through my tears.
His grip on me tightened. “He didn’t take it well?” he probably gathered from my reaction.
I shook my head again.
“Where is he?”
“He left me,” I said quietly. “He’s so mad Joe. I knew he’d be mad I didn’t tell him at first, but I thought if I explained myself, he’d forgive me. But he – didn’t even give me a chance.”
“It’ll be okay,” Joe stroked my hair.
I looked up at him. “No, no it won’t,” I said. “Nick is so mad. I don’t think we’ll ever be the same.”
He looked at me, pain in his face. It was replaced by determination. “Nick loves you, whether he knows it or not yet. No matter how mad he is, he won’t leave you right now, at a time like this.”
I shook my head. “It was like he couldn’t be around me, like he couldn’t even look at me. I need to give him space.”
“So give him some,” he shrugged. “He’ll grow a pair and get over it.”
I smiled slightly at his words. But pain overtook it as I thought about what I had to do. “That’s not enough,” I said quietly. I knew what I had to do. “Can we go home now?” I asked.
He nodded and led me to the car, his arm still around me. Little did he know what my words actually meant.
I winced, not saying anything.
“How long have you known?” he asked quietly.
“It doesn’t—“
“Tell me,” he demanded.
“3 years,” I said.
“Do my brothers now?”
“Yes,” I said softly.
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he demanded. I could hear no pain in his words. There was only anger.
“I didn’t want to – worry you,” I said quietly.
“Worry me?” he laughed bitterly. “My best friend is fucking dying and she’s scared that I’ll be worried. That’s rich.”
“Nick, please just—“ I was staring down as he exploded at me.
“No you listen to me,” he seethed. “We’re supposed to be fucking best friends. As in we tell each other everything, as in we don’t keep secrets, as in we don’t die on the other.”
I looked up at him, pain erupting in the last part. “Nick, please, listen—“
Once again he cut me off. “I’m through listening to you Maxie,” he said slowly. “I’m through being around you. You didn’t want to tell me? Fine. See if I care.” He turned and walked away.
I felt tears pouring down my cheeks as I ran after him. I grabbed his arm. He stopped, not turning around. I could tell he was waiting for my explanation. “Nick, please, you know I love you. I wanted to tell you. I was just scared.”
He pulled his arm out of my grip and gave me a chilling glare. I backed away, frozen as he turned and walked away. Never had I been so scared. Never had I felt so vulnerable. Never had I thought Nick Jonas would be the one making me feel this way. Still crying, I pulled out my cell phone and called Joe.
---
She was dying. What the fuck? How could she die? And she didn’t even tell me. Me. Her best friend since before we even ate paste. She didn’t tell me. Sure, my brothers she had told. Why wouldn’t she tell them? They were just friends. I mean, they didn’t have the relationship Maxie and I did. So of course she’d fucking tell them.
I wasn’t sure where I was going. I was really just walking, trying to get away. I couldn’t look at her right now. I couldn’t stand it. She was dying. She was going to leave me forever. How was I supposed to go on? I needed her. She was my best friend. She knew me better than anyone, better than even myself. And she was dying? No, she couldn’t. She was too young, way too young. She still had her whole life ahead of her. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Maybe I had overreacted. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and turned, walking back to where she was. That was when I saw Maxie walking the other way. Confused I started walking faster. Where was she going? I stopped in my tracks as I saw Joe. She had called Joe? I felt anger brimming in me again. Not only had she told everyone before me, but also when she needed someone, she called him too?
I turned on my heel and walked straight to my car. Fuck this. And fuck her.
---
“Hey,” Joe hugged me. “You okay?”
I shook my head as I buried my head into his chest.
“What happened?” he asked softly.
“I – I t-t-told Nick,” I stammered through my tears.
His grip on me tightened. “He didn’t take it well?” he probably gathered from my reaction.
I shook my head again.
“Where is he?”
“He left me,” I said quietly. “He’s so mad Joe. I knew he’d be mad I didn’t tell him at first, but I thought if I explained myself, he’d forgive me. But he – didn’t even give me a chance.”
“It’ll be okay,” Joe stroked my hair.
I looked up at him. “No, no it won’t,” I said. “Nick is so mad. I don’t think we’ll ever be the same.”
He looked at me, pain in his face. It was replaced by determination. “Nick loves you, whether he knows it or not yet. No matter how mad he is, he won’t leave you right now, at a time like this.”
I shook my head. “It was like he couldn’t be around me, like he couldn’t even look at me. I need to give him space.”
“So give him some,” he shrugged. “He’ll grow a pair and get over it.”
I smiled slightly at his words. But pain overtook it as I thought about what I had to do. “That’s not enough,” I said quietly. I knew what I had to do. “Can we go home now?” I asked.
He nodded and led me to the car, his arm still around me. Little did he know what my words actually meant.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hehe I updated again :] I updated this time for Christine, who is in major pain because of her new braces! Hope you feel better taco! Anywhoo, comments anyone? Anyone know what I mean at the end? ;]