Leaving My Fingerprints

"Hi Mrs. Capewell," the doctor shook my mom's head as he came into the room. "Nice to see you again."

"You too," I mom said.

"And hello there Maxie," he smiled at me, sitting down on the other side of his desk. I took a deep breath. This is what we had been waiting for. This is what I had put up with all the tests and scans for. I needed to know what the doctor was going to say to me. Not for hope. I knew there was no hope. But for time. I wanted him to tell me how much time i really had left. "How are you doing today?"

"Okay," I shrugged. "Felt a little sick this morning."

He nodded understandingly, jotting stuff down on his notebook. "At this stage, it's to be expected. In fact, it should really be worse. Now, have you been having any difficulty seeing?"

"No," I answered, cringing at the words. This stage. My last stage.

He nodded again. "Now, are you still adamant on visiting Texas again this summer?”

“Yes,” I said firmly. My mom sighed.

“At this stage, your symptoms could worsen at any moment,” Dr. Braden sighed.

I looked quietly at my hands as my mother took a deep breath. “What would you suggest doctor?”

I looked up to see his expression and saw that he was staring at me. “This town isn’t big,” he said. “Sometimes, it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad. We were fortunate enough here to have seen your friendship with the Jonas boy. But it was hard to see that friendship go through the distance you guys have had to put up with. I know you understand what’s happening. At this stage, there is no hope with chemo. I know you understand that time isn’t exactly something you can just waste anymore. In my fifty-one years, I’ve learned many things. And the biggest lesson is that time is too precious to waste. If you still want to go visit your friend, then I give my okay.”

“How long would you say we have doctor,” my mom asked.

I cringed. How long? How long did I have?

“Honestly, I cannot say,” Dr. Braden sighed. “The symptoms have worsened as you know. And they’ve been worsening rapidly. If they slow down, I’d say half a year, to maybe a year. If they keep getting worse faster and faster, we may have to put her into hospice soon.”

We left then, done with the appointment. We knew how long I had. Half a year if I was lucky. We were quiet on the way home. I knew my mom had something on her mind. But she didn’t say anything, and I quietly waited for her to be ready to say whatever she had to say. I had come in terms with this. She hadn’t. I understood that. She parked the car, and sighed. “You really want to go,” she asked quietly.

I looked at my hands. “Mom, I can’t not. Nick’s my best friend. I can’t just disappear one ay and have him hate me for not telling him. I have to go see him before—“

She sighed. “Okay,” she said. “I know how you and Nick are. Just – be careful honey.”

“I know,” I replied quietly.

My phone buzzed. Nick had texted me.

I just got the coolest present for you for when you come! Welcome back presents! Can’t wait till you’re here.

My mom sighed. “I’m not just talking about you honey. When Nick finds out – do you think he’s going to be able to let go?”

I winced.

She put her hand on my shoulder. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad honey. But like you said. He’s your best friend. And whether you want to admit it or not, there is a higher connection between you two. Losing someone isn’t the easiest thing to do,” she smiled sympathetically. “But it’s even harder when love’s involved.”

“It’ll be fine,” I whispered. “Nick will be fine.”

“Are you sure,” she asked.

Was I? “No.”