I Missed Your Skin When You Were East

When he looked back in future years, Ryan will remember the memories of first bonding with Pete over their lyrics, but it wasn’t for a few years after that when he realised that he was in love with him.

If you asked Pete when he knew Ryan was the one, he would reply that he knew the second he walked into Spencer’s grandma’s garage and saw Ryan concentrating intently on playing the riff for what he soon found out was for Time To Dance.

If you asked the both of them if it was an easy road for them, they would both reply the exact same thing. That they had had their share of heartbreak, but that it had all been worth it in the end.

--==8==--

For a few months after Pete first saw Panic! in the garage and signed them, Ryan was shy around the bassist. It was just before they entered the studio when Ryan showed Pete some new lyrics he was working on that they really started talking.

After that, they would talk everyday, exchanging lyrics or just discussing what hilarious thing Brendon or Joe had been up to that day. They spent a lot of time together on their first joint tour, discussing new lyrics with each other and having jam sessions. None of their band mates complained though, they enjoyed seeing the two of them happy.

After the Best Buy incident, Patrick and Joe and Andy had gone to Europe without Pete. And while Panic! were on off time from touring, Ryan had spent his time with Pete in Chicago. They didn’t talk about Pete’s band, about Ryan’s band, about anything that would come back to them. They just spoke about their interests and hung out.

By the time the rest of the band returned from Europe, Pete was almost back to his normal self. Patrick had told Ryan that he was to thank for that and that he had been Pete’s safety line for those few weeks.

Despite tours that tore the two of them apart, Pete and Ryan were almost always in contact. Usually it was texts, up to 100 a day some days, but sometimes one would call the other, chat for as long as they could.

When Ryan’s dad died, Pete flew to Vegas to see how the young lyricist was holding up, which wasn‘t that well. He stated that Ryan had been there when Pete had dark times, and that he was there to return the favour. Pete was grateful for the company, and that he didn’t have Ginger with him 24/7, asking how he was. He loved Spencer’s mom like she was his own mother, but he didn’t want people to be asking how he was doing every 5 minutes, like he was going to break.

When Pete moved to LA, Ryan had been one of the first to visit him, having driven from Vegas. The two of them, plus Hemingway and Hobo, had spent a week hanging out like they used to, jamming and helping each other with lyrics (except Hobo and Hemingway obviously didn‘t). That had been one of the best weeks of both their lives, but they didn’t realise how significant it was to them at the time, it would be for a few years they figured it out.

Pete told Ryan that he had arranged Fall Out Boy’s next tour to be with Panic! and Academy, which meant both Ryan and Jon had both been happy. Although Jon did show it more than Ryan, they were both equally as happy at the news. Since Jon had joined the band, he hadn’t seen the guys from Academy that often, so he was happy he could spend a few months with them on tour.

Ryan was happy that he and Pete could see each other when they wanted, that they could hang out more. Although while they were on tour, about 2 weeks in, Pete introduced them all to Ashlee. Ryan, for an unknown reason at the time, took an instant dislike to her. But, for Pete, he made an effort to talk to her.

--==8==--

Around the time that Pretty. Odd. came out, Ryan had convinced everyone, including himself, that the songs on there were written about Keltie. He had to convince himself for a while that they were about her and not Pete. There was just one song that when he had written it, had a reference to Pete, and that was She Had The World. Although the more he thought about, the more references about Pete appeared out of what seemed nowhere.

He had been trying to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with Pete for a while now, but after Keltie dumped him ‘for being distant most of the time and not himself anymore’, he realised that those ‘distant’ times were the times that he thought about Pete.

That realization couldn’t have come at a worse time. The day after Keltie broke up with him and he realized his true feelings for Pete, he got a call. Pete was ringing him to announce that he and Ashlee were getting married in less than 2 months, in May. He put on a smile and congratulated him. But as soon as he got off the phone, he went to find Spencer.

He found him round at Brendon’s apartment, the two of them making out on the couch. Brendon and Spencer had been dating since New Year’s Eve and were still in the ‘let’s make out everywhere and kill everyone with our cuteness’ stage. Ryan knew that, despite Spencer being Ryan’s best friend, he would eventually slip up in front of Brendon, so he told the both of them about his dilemma and asked what he should do.

Brendon told him he should fly to LA, knock on Pete’s door and drag him up to the bedroom there and then. Spencer slapped him round the head gently. Then he said he should talk to Pete next time they saw each other. Ryan decided that he would go for Spencer’s idea, since he didn’t really want to just drag Pete off to have sex with him.

God, he didn’t even know if he felt the same way. He was just assuming that he would tell Pete, and he would swoon into his arms like a chick, no, like a chick from a 50’s style movie, and they would have their homo happily ever after. He doubt that Pete felt the same way, why would he be marrying Ashlee if he loved someone else?

--==8==--

A few weeks later, he got a text telling him to pick Pete up from the airport in an hour and half. Ryan panicked and immediately started to figure out what he should wear. He eventually decided on a green shirt, a pair of tight jeans, his new khaki jacket, with a scarf and headband to finish off.

As he waited at the terminal, he was wondering how he would tell Pete how he felt. Maybe he should just straight out with it, or maybe he should wait until they got back to his apartment. As he saw people walking out of the gate, he kept a look out for Pete. Which he didn’t really need to try to do because as soon as Pete walked through, he spotted Ryan and grinned, practically running over to him and shouting “RYRO!”

Ryan grinned at him. Pete would always be Pete, loud and proud of it, that was something that Ryan was certain would never change. He hugged the shorter, but older, man as soon as Pete had reached him, dropping his luggage.

Ryan grabbed one of his bags, while Pete took the larger one, and they made their way out and to Ryan’s car. He knew that he should do this in private, back at home. When they were in the car, they spoke about Ryan’s upcoming tour, about Fall Out Boy’s album that Pete would start working on soon and how Ryan was Keltie left him.

When they arrived back at the apartment, Ryan made them both coffee and they sat down, Hobo climbing up on Pete’s lap and trying to lick his face. He laughed, giving the beagle a hug before throwing the ball that had appeared at his feet when Hobo ran over.

That was when Pete dropped the bombshell. Ashlee was pregnant.

Ryan smiled at him, congratulated him, but inside now he knew that Pete and him could never be. Not now.

Pete stayed for 2 days before he went home and as soon as Ryan had got back from dropping him at the airport, he curled up in a ball on the couch, tears falling down his face. Spencer came round that day, Ryan having told him what had happened, and he held his friend while he cried.

--==8==--

A few months later, and there he was, at Pete and Ashlee’s wedding, a fake smile on his face. He couldn’t let his own misery ruin the day for Pete, he was one of his best friends and he couldn’t do that to him on his wedding day, despite thinking that it should be him Pete should be with, not Ashlee.

As the year progressed, Ryan focussed on his tours, still talking to Pete but not as much. It hurt him to think about what could have been, if Pete wasn’t with Ashlee, if Pete was in love with him back. But thinking of that just made him more isolated from the others, and he knew that what they needed now was their guitarist, lyricist and, most importantly, their friend around them.

When Bronx was born, Ryan didn’t see Pete for a month nearly. Then, while Ashlee was visiting family for a few days in Texas, Pete called Ryan up to LA. As soon as he saw the baby, quietly sleeping in his basinet, his heart melted. He was a gorgeous baby, soft wisps of hair the colour of Pete’s growing on his head.

Ryan told Pete that Bronx was gorgeous and Pete beamed. Anyone who knew Pete knew that Bronx was the new number one in his life, even Ashlee. He loved that baby so god damn much, it was slightly sickening to some, but adorable to others.

The two of them spent the evening watching a movie together, Benjamin Button, and by the end, they were curled up together. As the end credits rolled, Ryan was just drifting off to sleep, and he swore, he swore completely, that Pete kissed his head.

When he woke up, he was on the couch still, a blanket thrown over him. He looked around for Pete and saw him on the other couch, holding Bronx, feeding him. He smiled over at Ryan, nodding towards the cup of coffee on the table. Ryan thanked him and took a sip. It was made exactly the way he liked it, but it always seemed to taste better when Pete made it.

--==8==--

Months passed and soon it was Pete and Ashlee’s anniversary. Pete closed Angels & Kings for a night so they could have the party there. Pete had flown in with Bronx a few days before, while Ashlee visited her family again before joining them in Chicago the day of the party. Ryan had flown in the same day as Pete, happy to have time just the two of them. And as soon as he saw Pete in the airport, he knew all that time trying to get rid of his feelings for the older man was wasted.

The party was in full swing when Pete took Ryan off to one side. He asked if he’d heard anything from Ashlee at all, if he’d seen her and he’d just missed her in the crowd of people. Ryan hadn’t seen her and told Pete so, only to see Pete’s face full of worry. Pete ran off, asking other people if they had seen her. Although Ryan wasn’t too keen on Ashlee, he wanted her to just turn up now. She was worrying Pete way too much for Ryan’s liking. Where the hell was she to miss her own anniversary party anyway?

It was 2 hours after that when Pete announced for people to go home. Everyone was confused, but they all head off. Except Ryan. He stayed behind, wanting to know what was wrong with Pete. If it was Ashlee, her flight was probably just delayed. The only people left there were Andy, Joe, Patrick, Ryan, Pete and his parents.

“Ashlee’s plane went down, it crashed.” Pete told them, collapsing into sobs. They all looked at the man, before Ryan walked over to him, putting his arms around him, giving him support he needed. “She‘s… no one got out of there.” Pete sobbed into Ryan’s shoulder.

Pete’s mom took Pete in her arms from Ryan, consoling him. Ryan just stood back, next to Patrick, trying to get through his head what had happened. Pete was left without his wife, who he loved so much, and Bronx was left without a mother. He was only 6 months old and his mother had been torn from him.

The funeral was for family only, as stated by Ashlee in her will. But Pete wanted his close friends to be at the wake. Ryan had been amongst them, so there he was, in Texas, around the people that Ashlee kept closest to her heart. The rest of Pete’s band were also there, so he at least knew someone other than Pete there.

--==8==--

Ryan stayed with Pete while they were in Texas, helping with Bronx. They both flew back to LA and Ryan told him that he’d stay with Pete as long as he wanted him there. Pete had smiled gratefully at him before Ryan could see tears appearing again.

Ryan was a great help to Pete in the few weeks he stayed there. He would change and feed Bronx, while Pete was usually sitting on the couch. He would stare at nothing, a blank look on his face. In his hands, he held onto one of Ashlee’s jackets.

Ryan kept in touch with both his and Pete’s bands, updating them with how the bassist was coping. He knew that Pete’s band, Patrick especially, were grateful for what he was doing.
By the time Pete left, Pete was doing better, and he thanked Ryan for being there for him. Ryan replied that it was nothing, only to be interrupted that no, this wasn’t nothing, he’d saved Pete from having a nervous breakdown or something.

When Ryan was back in Vegas, starting work on Panic’s new album, he kept thinking about Pete was holding up on his own. He knew that Patrick was going to visit him for about a week but he didn’t like the fact that Pete was on his own with Bronx. He wished that he had stayed longer, but Pete had told him that he would be alright on his own, and that Ryan should really get writing that new album.

--==8==--

About 2 months later, Fall Out Boy were back on tour, dragging Panic along for the ride again. It had started a week before Ryan’s birthday, his 23rd, but they had a night off on his birthday, the perfect opportunity for both bands to hang out. The tour was only a month long, and Bronx was staying with Pete’s parents while they were away.

The last date was in Chicago, so they didn’t have to get another plane to visit family, except Ryan and Spencer and Brendon to get back home, but they were going to stay in Chicago for a few days after, after being invited by Patrick to stay at his place.

They all went out to a bar, Pete getting the first round in, and it was that night that Ryan saw the old Pete, the Pete from before everything with Ashlee, back with them. He demanded that Ryan chug 5 beers in a row, for every year since Panic had been signed.

Ryan had done it without fuss and as he put the last bottle on the table, he smirked at them all. He flipped them off and grabbed another drink.

He spent the majority of the night talking to Pete. He was the only one who Pete could relate to. After all, he’d lost his dad a few years ago, and despite them not being close, Ryan had still been distraught.

It seemed that through the years they had known each other, the major traumatic events had been when they helped each other the most. They knew how to cope, how to help, what to say, what not to say.

By the end of the night, they were all very drunk and when they got to the hotel, Ryan didn’t turn down Pete’s offer to stay in his room that night. Patrick and Spencer, who the two should have been sharing with, didn’t mind. They had been talking a lot that night anyway, so they just went back to Spencer’s room and kept talking.

Pete and Ryan stayed awake longer than everyone else. They were watching a film, a really crappy 80’s horror movie, but they didn’t pay much attention to it. They were both lying on the double that was in the room, the room had two doubles. They were both on their sides, facing each other. When Ryan put a hand to his mouth to cover the yawn he released, he let his hand drop between the two of them. Then Pete grabbed hold of it.

Ryan’s breath hitched, but Pete didn’t notice, he never did notice little things when he‘d been drinking. He intertwined their fingers slowly and said softly that he was so, so grateful for Ryan’s friendship over the years. He didn’t think that he could have survived if it hadn’t been for Ryan.

Then Ryan had to ruin it. He blurted out, just seconds before he fell asleep, that he was in love with Pete, that he had been for a while.

--==8==--

When he woke up, he had the hangover from hell. He groaned, blaming Pete’s alcoholic influence. He thought back to the night before and he could barely remember it. And there was something in his gut that told him that was a good thing.

He looked around the room, noticing it wasn’t the room he and Spencer had got. Then the hotel door opened and Pete walked in with two cups in a holder. He smiled at Ryan, with maybe a hint of a blush on his cheeks. He passed Ryan a cup without saying a word, then he left again. Ryan frowned. What had happened last night that Pete was acting like this? He took a sip of the coffee and sighed. Starbucks coffee to wake him up was the best thing.

That night, after Panic had performed, Ryan went to find Pete. It was like Pete was ignoring him all day. He barely spoke to him when he did, and that was only after Ryan started talking to him first. He couldn’t find Pete anywhere, until 2 minutes before they went on stage. And even then, he was deep in conversation with Andy and didn’t want to disturb him.

For the next week, it was pretty much the same routine. Ryan had text Pete on numerous occasions with no reply. Finally, Ryan decided that enough was enough. He spoke to Patrick, asked what he should do. Patrick thought for a moment before telling Ryan to go to their bus that night instead of his own. Patrick would take Joe and Andy onto the Panic bus, so he and Pete could talk properly.

When Pete walked up onto the bus, he called out to Patrick. When he got no reply, he checked out the bunks, but he found none of them there. He walked into the back lounge and saw Ryan sitting there, looking at him, a solemn look on his face.

“Ry, what are you doing here?” Pete didn’t mean it to come out so snappy, mean, but it did. And he regretted it when he saw Ryan wince.

“Ever since my birthday, we haven’t spoken.” Ryan told him.

“Yes we have.” Pete defended himself, even though he knew the truth.

“Not a proper conversation though.” Ryan stood up and took a step towards Pete, but he stopped when Pete took a step back. He looked like he was going to bolt for the door when the bus started to move. “Pete, come on, talk to me, we used to talk all the time.”

Pete looked away from him. “That was before I knew you had a crush on me.”

Ryan stepped back, knocking the backs of his legs onto the couch and falling on it with not a lot of grace at all. “What?” He asked, sounding a little desperate. How did Pete find out about that?

“After we got back on your birthday to the hotel room, we were talking and just before you passed out, you told me that you loved me for a few years.”

And suddenly, the memories of that night came flooding back to Ryan. His eyes widened and he looked away from Pete, blushing furiously. “I…”

“Ryan, why didn’t you tell me this?” Pete asked quietly.

“You were with Ashlee, I didn’t think you’d appreciate one of your best friends declaring they love you.”

Pete was silent. Then he walked over to Ryan and sat on the couch in front of him. He took his hands in his, noticing how much they were shaking. He sat next to him and moved Ryan’s head so they were looking into each other’s eyes. Their faces were just inches apart.
Pete looked down at Ryan’s lips, then back at his eyes. He moved forward until their lips were touching. Ryan was slightly shocked, but he kissed back within seconds. Ryan’s eyes fluttered closed, revelling in the fact that he was finally kissing Pete.

But then, he pulled away. He couldn’t do this to Pete, it was only a few months since Ashlee had died. He saw Pete’s confused face and he just shook his head. “No Pete, I can’t do this.” He said before running to the spare bunk that Patrick had told him he could use.

He curled up, silent as tears ran down his face. He had fucked things up now. He heard Pete walk over to the bunk but Ryan didn’t say anything. Just pretended he was asleep. The curtain didn’t even open, he just heard Pete move away towards his own bunk.

--==8==--

The next morning, Ryan woke up early so he could get off of the bus as quickly as possible, back to his own bus. He saw everyone’s confused looks as he walked through the kitchenette area and to his own bunk. He just curled up into himself, crying silently. He heard the curtain open and someone climb in behind him. He knew, he just knew, that it was Spencer, even though there was no talking. He felt the drummer’s arm wrap around his waist and Ryan held onto his hand.

They stayed like that for nearly an hour, while Ryan cried, then told Spencer everything that had happened the night before with Pete. Spencer focussed completely on listening to him, just like when they were kids and Ryan was telling him the latest thing his dad had done to make Ryan upset.

For the rest of the tour, Pete and Ryan barely said 2 words to each other. To everyone else, it was like the two lyricists were avoiding each other. Only Spencer and Patrick knew what had happened, Pete having told Patrick when the rest of his band had come back to the bus that morning.

Ryan couldn’t believe that he’d fucked up their friendship, all because of one moment when he couldn’t control his fucking mouth when he was drunk one night. He wished he could just take that one moment back. He would rather go back to when Pete was oblivious to Ryan’s feelings for him than be like this.

The end of the tour couldn’t come soon enough for Ryan. He just wanted to get home. It was better than being around Pete, not talking to him. Even in he did want to talk to him again, he had no idea what he would say to the bassist.

2 days after the last show, Ryan was flying back to Vegas on his own. Brendon and Spencer were staying with Jon for a week, but Ryan couldn’t stay in Chicago while Pete was there. He knew it was a huge city, but it just made him feel so lonely. But, as he found out when he got home, so did being in Vegas on his own.

He spoke to Brendon and Spencer and Jon every day, and that just made him feel even lonelier. For the next 3 days, he spent most of his time writing new lyrics, about Pete, about how his life sucked right now, about generally emo things. He knew that most of them were just lyrics for the hell of it, but he kept copies of them all still.

--==8==--

The day before Brendon and Spencer were due back in town, Ryan got a knock at the door about 6 in the evening. He got up to answer, still in his pyjamas (well, plaid bottoms and an old baseball shirt) and opened the door, but who was there he wasn’t expecting to see, not for a while at least.

“Hi.” Pete said. He was holding Bronx on his side, luggage by his feet. “Can I come in?” He asked softly, and Ryan knew he couldn’t say no.

He helped Pete get his luggage in before he started asking questions. “What are you doing here Pete? I thought you were heading back to LA?”

“I needed to come here first.” Pete said, setting Bronx on his lap. “There’s things between us we need to clear up.”

“Right, ok then.” Ryan said, sitting on the other couch.

“Why have you been ignoring me these past few weeks?” Pete asked.

Ryan sighed. “I think I should ask the questions first. Why did you kiss me?”

Pete smirked at him. “Why did you kiss me back?” Ryan gave him a don’t-get-funny look. “Ok, I kissed you because I thought that’s what you wanted me to do.”

“Pete, just because I’d want something doesn’t mean you have to give in to it. I’m not Ashlee, you shouldn’t have done it because you wanted to replace her.” Ryan stopped there because Pete started laughing.

“Ry, dude, you think I was replacing Ashlee?” Pete said. “That’s really, really fucked up dude. That’s so not what I was doing at all. I did it because I wanted to.” Ryan was lost for words. He didn’t know what to say. “Ryan, there’s something that you still haven’t told me. How long have you felt this way about me?”

Ryan took a deep breath before answering. “It’s been years, I guess since just before we recorded Fever when we were talking over lyrics, but I only realised it when Keltie left me. It put things into perspective for me. But then the day after, you rang me and said that you and Ashlee were getting married. And I couldn’t spoil it for you both.”

“The only reason I proposed to her was because we found out she was pregnant.” Pete told him. “When I say shotgun, you say wedding.” He sung quietly.

Ryan sat there, open mouthed. “Are you shitting me?”

“No.” Pete replied. “It was because of her family, we both knew that they would kill me for getting their angel pregnant out of wedlock, so we did it.” Pete paused. “So, all along, ever since the engagement, you’ve known you loved me?”

“Yeah. The only reason I didn’t say anything was because of you two. And I didn’t even know if you felt the same way.”

Pete snorted. “Ryan Ross, you wanna know when I first felt something for you? The moment I met you.” He paused. “Ok, that sounded pretty cliché, but it’s true.”

Ryan just sat there, taking in what he had just heard. Then Bronx started crying and Pete rocked him, making gentle shushing noises.

“If you want to put him down to sleep, you can use the spare room.” Ryan told Pete. He nodded a thanks and took him up there. Ryan still had the carry cot from the last time Pete visited with Bronx up there.

--==8==--

When Pete came down 10 minutes later, he sat on the couch again, sighing. “He seems really fussy lately. But he’s starting to teeth, so…” Pete shrugged. The silence between the two of them was awkward. Without the distraction of Bronx, Ryan didn’t know where to look. He didn’t want to look at Pete, but he didn’t know where to look now. He looked down at his feet, shuffling them a little. “Ryan, look at me.” Pete told him. Ryan kept looking at his feet. “Ry, please.” Ryan looked up at Pete and saw his eyes filled with want. “If I didn’t want any of this, I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“But Pete, Ashlee died less than a year ago, fuck it’s only been months. You can’t-”

“Ryan fucking Ross, don’t you dare tell me how I should feel.” Pete snapped. “You think I don’t know that my fucking wife died 5 months ago?”

“That’s exactly my point! It’s been 5 months!” Ryan didn’t want to start shouting, he didn’t want to wake Bronx up.

“I have wanted this for years Ryan! Fucking years! Before Bronx was born, before I got married, hell, before I even met Ashlee!” Pete lowered his voice. “The moment I saw you, I knew that I wanted to be with you.”

Ryan stared at Pete, He was trying to put everything together in his mind. Sure, this was pretty much perfect, Pete felt the same way about him and had for a while, but on the other hand, how did he know that he wouldn’t just be a replacement, that he was just filling Ashlee’s spot in Pete’s life. “Ry, Ashlee will always have a place in my heart, but there’s a bigger space in it that you’ve always filled.” Pete told him, apparently reading his mind.

Ryan didn’t know what to think right now. There was everything spinning around in his head. He didn’t even noticed Pete had moved until he was sitting next to the guitarist. It made him jump and Pete noticed this, drawing into himself slightly. “Sorry.” He muttered. “I just… I can go, if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Pete, don’t be ridiculous.” Ryan said. “Bronx is already asleep and it’d be stupid to wake him up to take him all the way back to LA.”

“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of getting a hotel.” Pete told him.

“Oh.” Ryan said. “Well… it’s still stupid.” He coughed, clearing his throat. “Do you… do you want a drink at all?”

“Coffee. Only if you’re doing one for yourself, I don’t want to put you out.”

Ryan nodded and walked out to the kitchen, grateful for time that he could think about what was happening right now.

--==8==--

He had just poured the coffees out into mugs when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist. He froze, his whole body becoming stiff. “Pete-”

“Ryan, I’ve really been wanting this for so long, even when I was with Ashlee. If it weren’t for Bronx, I probably wouldn’t have married her, I probably would have told you all this months ago.”

“Pete…” He hadn’t meant it to, but it came out like a plea.

Pete turned him around, but kept his arms around Ryan’s waist. Ryan looked down at the shorter man. “Just say no, and I won’t do this. We both know how we feel now, but I swear, if you say no, I’ll stop and we can just go back to before. Just… friends.”

Ryan was silent. He did want this, he wanted it so badly. Pete put his hand to the back of Ryan’s neck and pulled him in, letting their lips touch barely. Ryan made a whimper, a sound of relief of something he’d wanted to do for so, so long. Pete pulled away after a few seconds, looking at Ryan.

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Ryan told him and moved forward to kiss Pete again.

Ryan kissed Pete’s bottom lip, loving the feel of the man’s lips against his own. Then he felt Pete nibble gently, felt his tongue begging for entrance, but in a gentle way. Ryan let him in and almost melted at the pure pleasure he was feeling.

He’d never felt this way with anyone, never felt so turned on by something so innocent as a kiss. Without breaking the kiss, he picked Pete up and turned around, putting him up on the counter. It was much easier to kiss him this way.

After a few minutes, Pete pulled away. Ryan’s eyes fluttered open slowly again and noticed that Pete’s lips were red and swollen. “I wanna take this slowly with you, Ry. I don’t want to rush you into anything.”

“Let’s go back into the lounge and talk.” Ryan told him. “It’s more comfortable.” Pete nodded and jumped off the counter.

--==8==--

When they were both back in the lounge, Pete sat down to Ryan, holding his hand and rubbing his thumb over it. He moved forward to kiss Ryan but Ryan stopped him.

“Pete, can we talk about this first? I wanna talk about us.”

Pete nodded. “That’s fine. Anything for you Ry.”

Ryan told him he didn’t want to go straight into sex or anything, that he would rather take it slow. He didn’t mention that he had been wanting it for ages, Pete didn’t need to know that. Pete replied that he didn’t want to rush Ryan, that he would rather do things at his pace than hurry into things and risk losing it all.

“So, I guess that means something.” Ryan said. Pete cocked his head slightly, waiting for what Ryan was going to say next. “When Brendon and Spencer get back, they can look after Bronx for the night and we can go for dinner.”

Pete smirked. “Are you asking me on a date, Ryan Ross?” Ryan blushed. “Aw, you look adorable when you blush.” He leant forward and kissed the guitarist. “And I’d love to go for dinner with you.” He murmured against Ryan’s lips.

“Good.” Ryan murmured back, before kissing Pete again.

The next few hours, they made out and talked, but didn’t do anything else. The two of them didn’t want sex, they just needed each other. It wasn’t about their bodies, it was their love for each other.

Ryan knew that if he wanted a relationship with Pete, that it wouldn’t just be the two of them, it would be the two of them and Bronx. Pete brought this up, that even though he loved Ryan, Bronx would always be number 1 in his heart. Ryan smiled and replied that he already knew that, and that he was glad that Pete had Bronx. He loved the boy so much, and he would love him still now.

--==8==--

A little over a year later, and everyone close to Pete and Ryan had gathered at Pete’s house in LA. It was Bronx’s 2nd birthday and the house was filled with the screams of delight of small children. Various children of their friends were there, along with other friends.

It had been nearly a year and two months since Pete and Ryan had begun finally dating, and almost two months since they got engaged. They were still the same old Ryan and Pete, still loved up with each other, despite a few arguments.

Bronx adored both his parents. He had his daddy and his daddy Ryan and they both loved him equally. He knew he didn’t have a mommy, but his daddy Ryan made up for it.

“Daddy Ryan, daddy Ryan!” Bronx squealed, running over to where Ryan was talking to William. “Gwen’s trying to tickle me!” Ryan picked up the blue eyed child as a dark haired girl ran over.

“Gwennie, don’t torment Bronx.” William told his daughter, who pouted. Ryan could never understand how William could resist Guinevere’s pout. The three year old put her arms up to William, who brought her up to his chest.

“Sorry Bron.” Guinevere said, using the boy’s nickname.

“Are you going to play nice?” William asked. Guinevere nodded, grinning at her dad. “Ok, go have fun with the others.” The two men put the children down and they ran off, hand in hand, to where the Way children, Elena who was Gerard and Lindsey’s daughter and Freya who was Mikey and Alicia’s daughter, were playing with Brendon and Spencer’s adopted twins, Ginny, short for Ginger, and Zack.

It seemed like a baby boom around them all. Frank and Jamia were expecting, she was around 7 months along, and Lindsey was also pregnant again, nearly 3 months in. Gabe & Bianca, Jon & Cassie and Sisky & Nicola, his fiancé of 4 months, were also going to become parents within mere months.

Ryan watched them for a few minutes, smiling, before he walked over to Pete, who was talking to Patrick, and wrapped his arms around the bassist’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. “Hi there.” He said, kissing Pete’s cheek.

“Hey there yourself.” Pete replied, glowing. “You ok babe?”

Ryan nodded. “I’m amazing.”

--==8==--

Many, many years later, Pete and Ryan was sitting on the couch, holding hands, gazing at each other with love. It had been over 60 years since they were married, and they still loved each other as much as they did, all the way back when they had been in their bands, when they had been loved by fangirls (and fanboys) all over the world. But right now, they realised they loved each other more and more with every day they were together.

It was 3 months before Pete’s 94th birthday when Ryan woke up and Pete didn’t. All their friends from throughout the years gathered at the churchyard. Bronx and Ryan were the two at the front, right by the graveside, both silently crying hand in hand.

Just over 2 years later, Ryan was sitting on the couch, reading one of his favourite classics, but he kept getting distracted. His mind would wander to Pete. It would always wander back to Pete, no matter what he was doing. He put the book down and laid on the couch, closing his eyes to take a nap.

--==8==--

When Ryan opened his eyes, he felt strange. He looked around and saw that yes, he was still lying down, but not in his lounge. Then he saw someone he hadn’t seen in many years. He sat up and stared.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to stare, babe?” Pete grinned. He looked exactly the same as when they started dating, just the same as when he was 30.

“Pete…” Ryan’s half broken heart felt like it was instantly mended again. Pete walked over to him and hugged him. Ryan almost broke down into tears. He missed the feel of Pete’s arms around him.

Pete pulled away and looked him up and down. “You’re looking good, Ry.” Ryan looked at himself and saw he also looked the same as when they started dating.

“Pete, am I… dead?” Ryan asked. Pete bit his lip slightly and nodded. “And you were waiting for me?” Ryan added.

“There was no way I was going to leave you, Ryro.” Pete ran his hand over Ryan’s cheek, making the younger man shiver from the touch. “Never again.”

“Never again.” Ryan repeated, leaning down slightly to kiss Pete.

The two of them kissed passionately as they silently vowed that they would never be apart again.

Pete pulled Ryan gently towards where more of their friends were waiting for him. They were all people that Ryan hadn’t seen in a while, all of them passing over at various points in their lives. Ryan stopped him before they reached them and kissed him again, wanting to feel close to Pete again.

But at that moment, the same thing went through their minds. It had never really been about the sexual nature of their relationship, despite that when they first had sex, it was like they were then going for the world record of how many times (and the strangest locations), but it had always been about what was inside them (not in a physical way).

Now, the two of them, reunited after so long apart, were going to make sure that they had an eternity together.

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Fin.
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