61 Ways To Annoy/Piss Off Billie Joe Armstrong
Number Thirty On The List
Billie would rue the night he fell asleep on the sofa in the living room when Ellie was on the loose.
I snuck up on him. I could hear his steady breathing. He looked so pretty and innocent as he slept. Too bad, I was just about steal that innocence, and maybe if I tried hard enough, the prettiness.
Black Sharpie in hand, I got closer to his body. I smiled at his face, he really was something special. I was now having second thoughts about this.
He didn’t deserve this, maybe I shouldn’t do it. I smiled at him again and turned around to make my way up to my temporary room. But, then I remembered the reason I was here in first place. Apart from meeting my hero, I was here to annoy the hell out of him and carry out my list.
I couldn’t believe was I just about to cave because he looked pretty in his sleep. I almost laughed at myself.
I put the Sharpie to his top lip and as carefully and gently as I could drew on a little moustache on his face.
When I was done, I was really really glad that Billie isn’t one of facial hair, it really wasn’t his thing.
I went up to my bedroom, I was tired as fuck.
The next morning I walked into the living room to find Joey, Jakob and Adie all leaning over Billie’s sleeping body. I smiled inside when I remember what I did last night.
“Do you think he got drunk last night?” Joey asked his mother.
“Joey, you know you’re father doesn’t drink at home.” Adie said matter-of-factly.
“Well, he must’ve last night because you don’t draw a Hitler moustache on your face when you’re sober.” Joey copied the same tone his mother had used.
I walked over to them. “Did I hear Hitler moustache?” I put on my best acting skills and gasped as I looked at Billie’s face.
“I’m going to wake him now.” Joey stated, he reached over and tickled his dad’s nose.
Billie shuffled around and mumbled some words. His eyes opened a little and then closed again. But a milli-second after they shot open. Billie stared at us with a ‘what the fuck’ expression on his face. He stared at us as we stared back at him. No words could explain the exact amount of awkwardness and confusion in this moment.
“Ca-can I help you?” Billie asked, after a while of staring.
“Yeah, you can.” Adie spoke first.
“What’s with the ‘tash?” Joey butted in.
“’Tash?” Billie asked, “What ‘tash?”
“Duh, the one on your face.” It was Jakob’s turn to speak.
“What?” Billie sat up and pushed past me and Adie. He walked over to the nearest mirror.
If it was possible, Billie’s eye would’ve popped out of his head and stretched a mile, like in the cartoons.
There was only one word that could come out of Billie’s mouth at that time, “Ellie.”
“Billie.” I replied. “It wasn’t me.”
“It was. It was. It was, daddy, I saw her do it.” Jakob shouted as he ran over to his dad and hugged his leg.
Damn.
Billie glared at me.
I glared back, “It suits you.”
“It kind of does.” Joey said straight after me.
Billie sucked in all the anger he had inside him and ran up to his room. Everyone knew that he wasn’t planning on leaving the room until it had washed off. He was going to be in there for a long time. A very long time; Sharpie’s are permanent.
I snuck up on him. I could hear his steady breathing. He looked so pretty and innocent as he slept. Too bad, I was just about steal that innocence, and maybe if I tried hard enough, the prettiness.
Black Sharpie in hand, I got closer to his body. I smiled at his face, he really was something special. I was now having second thoughts about this.
He didn’t deserve this, maybe I shouldn’t do it. I smiled at him again and turned around to make my way up to my temporary room. But, then I remembered the reason I was here in first place. Apart from meeting my hero, I was here to annoy the hell out of him and carry out my list.
I couldn’t believe was I just about to cave because he looked pretty in his sleep. I almost laughed at myself.
I put the Sharpie to his top lip and as carefully and gently as I could drew on a little moustache on his face.
When I was done, I was really really glad that Billie isn’t one of facial hair, it really wasn’t his thing.
I went up to my bedroom, I was tired as fuck.
The next morning I walked into the living room to find Joey, Jakob and Adie all leaning over Billie’s sleeping body. I smiled inside when I remember what I did last night.
“Do you think he got drunk last night?” Joey asked his mother.
“Joey, you know you’re father doesn’t drink at home.” Adie said matter-of-factly.
“Well, he must’ve last night because you don’t draw a Hitler moustache on your face when you’re sober.” Joey copied the same tone his mother had used.
I walked over to them. “Did I hear Hitler moustache?” I put on my best acting skills and gasped as I looked at Billie’s face.
“I’m going to wake him now.” Joey stated, he reached over and tickled his dad’s nose.
Billie shuffled around and mumbled some words. His eyes opened a little and then closed again. But a milli-second after they shot open. Billie stared at us with a ‘what the fuck’ expression on his face. He stared at us as we stared back at him. No words could explain the exact amount of awkwardness and confusion in this moment.
“Ca-can I help you?” Billie asked, after a while of staring.
“Yeah, you can.” Adie spoke first.
“What’s with the ‘tash?” Joey butted in.
“’Tash?” Billie asked, “What ‘tash?”
“Duh, the one on your face.” It was Jakob’s turn to speak.
“What?” Billie sat up and pushed past me and Adie. He walked over to the nearest mirror.
If it was possible, Billie’s eye would’ve popped out of his head and stretched a mile, like in the cartoons.
There was only one word that could come out of Billie’s mouth at that time, “Ellie.”
“Billie.” I replied. “It wasn’t me.”
“It was. It was. It was, daddy, I saw her do it.” Jakob shouted as he ran over to his dad and hugged his leg.
Damn.
Billie glared at me.
I glared back, “It suits you.”
“It kind of does.” Joey said straight after me.
Billie sucked in all the anger he had inside him and ran up to his room. Everyone knew that he wasn’t planning on leaving the room until it had washed off. He was going to be in there for a long time. A very long time; Sharpie’s are permanent.